Better than Ever

   I wanted to thank those of you that commented and showed your support while I was having a "troubling" moment with J. It's reassuring knowing that we're not the only ones going through this and that it's all part of the growing process. Things are wonderful now and I feel he's grown much more confident in his role after we talked. There were things that needed addressing and now that they've been "taken care of" so to speak, I believe he's more at ease. I have to remember that things are not going to magically happen over night, and that TTWD is a gradual process.
   I had to choose a card for our maintenance spanking last night. Lets just say I wish I'd never told him about those stupid cards in the first place! LOL just kidding .. but I was still so sore (and a little bruised) from the loopy spanking on thursday, so when I drew the card with all three straps on it, I was pissed! Just my luck. Anyway, it was 20 on each cheek with the doubled pink strap with my panties on, 30 on each cheek with the black strap, panties on, and 40 on each with the five fingered strap BARE! ouch. I definitely was sore afterwards.

After the spanking, J said, "You know what I forgot to do?" I shook my head. "I forgot to make cards including the loopy Johnny," he said, turning toward me to see what my reaction would be . I just shook my head. "You know what else I'm going to do?" he asked, a gleam in his eye. "No, what?" I wondered. "I'm going to make three new cards, including the loopy on them, and get rid of a few that are less effective that we have in the pile already." At this, I raised an eyebrow. "There aren't less effective ones in there! What are you talking about?" He smiled. "Yes, they're all less effective than the loopy." I groaned. "I think the loopy should be reserved for punishment only," I told him. "Because it really hurts." He thought a moment, then said, "Okay, here's what I'm going to do. We'll keep the cards we have already, for whenever I want to use them. I'm going to make new cards for real punishments. But I might add a few swats with the loopy to some cards we already have." Who is this man?!

I must say, I'm extremely happy with the way things are in my life right now. I have to remind myself every so often that we are tackling a lot in this one year. On top of navigating the DD realm of things, we are still adjusting to married life. We are learning every day new things about each other. We are getting ready for the birth of our first child. We are dealing with the financial burden of only having one income, and the feelings that I have resulting in this. I have worked at the same place (child care center) since I graduated high school. I miss it a lot, even despite the stress and what at times felt like very unfair treatment. Though we get by, there are times that we struggle. I feel very guilty about this during those times, because I feel that it wouldn't be so tough if I were contributing. Although it was J's idea for me to leave my job because of the stress it was putting on me, and the fact that we both feel I should be home with our son for the beginning of his life, I wish that I could help out. I know that once Silas is here, I will feel more useful because I will be taking care of our child but right now, it's something I struggle with. And all this before our first anniversary has even hit! (With any luck, the boy will be here before our anniversary, he's due the day before :p ) I am lucky to have such an understanding, supportive man as my husband. I know there are many spanko women out there who would kill to have a husband willing to do any and everything to make spanking work in their relationship. I realize there are men out there who are too uncomfortable with the idea to even try, or who are completely pushed away by the idea that their woman would want a relationship like this. I am grateful that my man puts so much effort into TTWD, and our marriage in general. I love my life! This turned into quite the rambling so I'll be leaving now :)