The Four D's

     So last night, J and I are watching tv, my head resting on his shoulder, when he suddenly says, "So .. what are the four d's?"
     I swear, I thought my heart stopped! I felt like my face was on fire, and I could barely speak. "Uh, what?" I stammered.
     "What are the four d's?" he repeated.
     Holy cow. I was not prepared for this! We couldn't have this conversation now!! "Babe," I half-giggled, half gasped.
     "What? What are they, just tell me."
     "It's hard!" I admitted. As I rattled them off in my head, I got even more embarassed. I was supposed to say the word disobedience out loud? To him? Oh my God. My face burned even hotter. "Can I write them down?" I was seriously flustered.
     At first he told me no that he just wanted me to tell him, but for some reason I just couldnt. I wrote them down on a piece of paper. When I finished, I started to fold it up (I know, I know, delaying the inevitable but hey...it made me feel better at the time) but he snatched it from my hand and quickly read it. I waited nearly 30 seconds for his reaction, which felt like a lifetime with my heart pounding in my chest like it might break loose.
     "Why does it have to be a 'set thing'? Why can't I just make my own?" he wanted to know. He seemed frustrated.
     I explained that of course, he could just make his own. I had just thought that since the four D's are so broad and kind of cover most everything, they would be a good jump off point. I was still in shock at this point that we were even talking about this. He told me he didnt like the four d's because he felt that they should just be a given, which I agree with to an extent. The only issue being that I don't really know where exactly the line is drawn. I feel like there have been many instances in the past where my behavior would certainly have fallen under one of those d's and it was completely ignored, or made light of. So where do I really stand? After we talked a little bit about the four d's, J told me not to expect him to lay down rules right away. He said he agreed with Bob's comment and that we both have a lot on our plates right now, and I should "Chill." He's right, of course, but I cant help but wish it weren't so busy right now. I want him to want me to be the best me that I can be. I dont want crazy strict rules, in fact, most of the rules I've read about here in blogland I am much happier NOT having, thank you very much (regardless of how much I may need some of them LOL). I am just craving some sort of boundary, I guess. Anyway, I was just glad that he's actually reading! It makes me feel good knowing that J is interested in how I feel and what I'm thinking. He really is so amazing, and so good to me. J, if you're reading right now, thank you! & I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!
    

A Night To Remember

     Bedtime is my favorite time of the day. Not because by the time we go to bed I'm usually exhausted, or because I  really like sleeping in general, but because it's when J and I get to be alone together. I love snuggling up to him and putting my head on his bare chest, feeling his strong arms around me, holding me close. Last night, J told me it was his favorite time of the day, too, which made me smile.
     While we were laying together, my cheek pressed against his chest, I suddenly had an irresistable urge to lick his nipple. My tongue flicked out and did just that, and I giggled when he squirmed. It drives him nuts when I do this because it tickles him.
     "Don't," he said.
     Seconds later, my tongue flashed out again.
     He rolled to his side, and grabbed one of my legs, lifting it (and me) into the air. He put one of his legs beneath me to keep me propped up, and started swatting the spot where my leg meets my bum. He doesnt use his hand to spank me very often, and when he does, it usually feels more "thuddy" then "stingy". This time, though, they were lighter spanks but faster and more of them. It really was stinging by the time he finished and let me back down!
     I'd snuggled back up to him and my eyes were twinkling when I stuck  my tongue out and pretended to lick him again.
     "Go ahead, you can.." he said.
     I narrowed my eyes at him, and shook my head. "Uh-uh!"
     He laughed. "Why, do you think this is a set up?"
     "A little bit," I giggled.
     "Well, it's not. This time I'm giving you permission. Before, I told you not to."
     I didn't lick it again. I did reach up and kiss him, and soon, our minds were on other things.
     We touched and caressed each other gently, both of us getting worked up and hot for each other.
     "Get those panties off," J murmured in my ear.
     I wiggled out of them and tossed them quickly aside, eager to return to our activities.
     The second his hands were back on me I was breathing heavy, my heart pounding in my chest. J stopped abruptly and said, "I want you to get over my lap."
     *shivers* MMM. I looooveee when he says 'I want you to....' when he's telling me what to do. I dont know why, but it sounds so authoritative and sexy.
     I jumped up and laid right over his lap. I could feel him, his excitement pressing hard into my tummy.
     He grabbed a handful of my hair and he started spanking me. "I told you that you were going to be spanked," he reminded me firmly, his hand peppering my bottom with crisp swats.
    "No you didnt!" I squealed.
    "I owed you one from days past,"
     Weirdly enough, I felt kinda touched that he remembered! I had thought about asking him, since he was sick the other day when I was supposed to get one, but I decided not to bother him with it. For him to remember and give it to me anyway really meant a lot.
     He didn't spank particularly hard, but it warmed me back up and rejuvinated some of the sting from my previous spanking. In the middle of the spanking he said, "When I'm finished spanking you, I want you to make love to me."
     That wasnt going to be a problem.
    

thinking about rules ...

     I am feeling so overwhelmed thinking about taking care of the house while caring for the baby at the same time. I dont feel that I am ready to be held accountable for it yet as the baby still consumes much of my time during the day (As in, during his two naps he takes while J is working, I feed myself and pee. If I choose to shower during one of his naps, I miss a meal). I can't even imagine keeping up with everything all at once...HOW DO YOU MAMAS DO IT!? I am sure once he is sleeping for more than a 1/2 hour at a time (he WILL do that, right?!) and he is a little bigger/more independent and is comfortable with me being out of his sight for more than 5 minutes, it will be easier to keep up with the dishes and laundry and cleaning, etc. I sometimes feel like a horrible wife because J works all day long and then has to come home and do things that I should be doing while I'm home. I want to be able to do those things for him, but even just thinking about it gives me anxiety. Does anybody have any tips to make this less daunting?

     Lately I have been thinking about rules in a dd relationship. J and I only have one rule, and that is I am not allowed to text while I am driving. Sometimes I wish we had set rules, something to follow. I know each relationship is different, and everybody does things their own way. Some have a list of detailed rules, others have just a few and everything else is just a given, and then theres the 4 D's. I am wondering what it is like in your homes. What, if any, are your rules? Has your HOH already set specific punishments for breaking those rules or does he/she decide when a rule is broken?
     I have been wanting to talk to J about this for a while but am not sure how to bring it up. I dont think he is even aware of the 4 D's, although I think that if we were to have "rules" he would probably want to follow the 4 D's and then add specific rules as necessary. I dont know why the thought of bringing it up to him makes me so nervous, but it really does. The past few nights I've thought about bringing it up in bed but just couldn't find the words. There are definitely a few things about myself that I could work on, but I bet if I asked J what he thought I could do to improve myself, he would probably say nothing. I think I am much harder on myself than he is. There are many things that if I were the HOH that I would consider punishable, that J doesnt care about.

     I saved my blog under his favorites on his phone (and some others that I enjoy reading, too, hoping he might take a look sometime), and though I dont expect him to come by often or read every post, I am sort of hoping he'll see this one so I wont have to bring it up on my own! Wishful thinking, huh? I tried to talk him into blogging himself, but he says that he's a slow typer, and it would take him too much time to write posts. hmph. Maybe someday, folks. Until then, he might be lurking around some of your blogs!

Interrupted.

     Yesterday, overall, was a pretty great day. My aunt and uncle are in town from Illinois and I havent seen them in over a year. We spent the day with them and some other family.
     While we were gone, our roommate had a cookout with some friends. When we got home at 830, we walked into a loud house and a kitchen full of intoxicated people. One girl in particular was especially drunk. I was a little pissed, yes, but it is his house, so there wasn't much I could say. I just reminded myself that soon enough we will be out of here and just our little family. Anyway, while I was in the living room with the baby, apparently the drunk girl was wrestling with her sisters boyfriend (yes, this is real life ... what the heck?) and she turned to look at my husband and says, "I want you to slap my ass."
     I, of course, was completely unaware of this until after she'd left. Thankfully, everyone left pretty soon after we arrived home. When J told that she'd said this to him, though, I was shocked! Who says something like that to a man who just arrived home with his wife and two month old baby?! It wasnt like she didnt know, either, I had met her once before when she went to a hockey game with our roommate. I wish I was in the room when she said it. Where do you get off asking a married man to touch your behind? IN THE PRESENCE of his wife and child? Can you believe the nerve?! Some people, I tell ya.

     Anyway, once the circus ended, we went to bed. Saturday is maintenance and I was really needing a hard spanking. I have had many spankings in the past week but I've kinda sorta been craving the spanking that breaks you down to your natural, vulnerable self. The spanking I got started off a little slow. He warmed me up with the strap but picked up the pace pretty quickly. Before I knew it, he was strapping me pretty hard and I was bucking around, begging for a break. It seemed like he would never stop, but finally he did, granting me a break. I lay still trying to catch my breath. After a few moments he started up again, burning my butt with that awful piece of leather. Then, he stopped, and put the strap up. He rubbed my hott tush and squeezed the fleshy part of my bottom. This was starting to feel not so much like maintenance and very much like a good girl spanking. MMM. Fine with me. His fingers roamed and his hands kneaded and rubbed, while I squirmed beneath his delicious touch. And then, baby cries. Meh. So I got up and rocked him back to sleep, then rejoined J in bed. I laid over the pillow and he spanked my sit spot, and rubbing, letting his fingers explore. He laid gentle, sensual spanks on my hot butt and I was getting so turned on. I couldn't tell if this was maintenance still or if he was turning this into a more fun occasion. His big hand fell again and again on my panties, warming me up in more places than just my panties. He was spanking kinda hard and I just pushed my bottom up and out, raising up to meet his hand. Overwhelmed with my desire, I found myself murmuring, "Sir,"
     "What, baby?"
     "Take them down," I breathed raggedly.
     "I will do what I want," he purred in my ear, giving me a few hard whacks. "I can keep them up and spank you and you tease you if I want to." when all I offered in reply was a moan, he asked, "Cant I?"
     "Yes sir," I panted. I was feeling so good.
     After a minute or so of hard spanks, J did take my panties down and continued spanking on my bare, fiery butt. He had me get up and lay over his lap. Once there, he pushed my legs apart and spanked some more on my sit spot and upper thighs, taking time to visit more pleasant areas. I was sooo turned on and wanted him so bad, and then ... the baby woke up, this time ready to eat.

     Bummer.

     By the time I had fed the baby and put him back down, J had fallen fast asleep. Double bummer.
     J told me earlier if I play my cards right today, I just might get spanked again tonight.
     I am going to do my very best to insure that happens. I have a feeling J was just as disappointed that our fun was interrupted last night, which ups my chances of having a repeat performance tonight. Keep your fingers crossed for me! :D

the luckiest.

     I am one lucky girl. The luckiest, in fact.

     Yesterday was a hard day. Since starting the baby on his reflux meds, we have been having mostly good days. But yesterday reminded me of the days before he was on his meds. The days he cried all day, seemingly inconsolable. He would quiet for a moment or two, then start screaming again. I was grateful to have passed those days, because they hurt me. They make me feel inadequate because it seems as if nothing I do can help my baby feel better. I feel like a failure. I know that this is not true, and that babies have days where they are going to cry. In the heat of the moment, though, when I've done absolutely everything I can think of to console my screaming bundle, and nothing works ... I want to bury my face and cry. In fact, I spent most of yesterday crying with my baby because I couldn't calm him. (He eventually was content after finally pooping at 8 pm! Poor guy ..)
     To make things worse, J had to work later than usual and I was feeling overwhelmed, and needy. I missed him, I needed his help, I needed him to tell me it was okay, and it wasn't my fault our baby was so upset. We were talking through text and I told him I was missing him, and having a rough day. I expressed some concerns I was having (about myself) and he reassured me that I was doing fine. Not only did he have to work late, but he'd also promised my little sister that he would take her out driving since she is going for her license test tonight, so I was home alone most of the day yesterday. He came home to eat dinner in between working and taking her driving. While he was there, he could see that I was having a hard day and feeling down, and he promised me that when he got back, I was going to get a "good girl spanking with a bad edge". I nodded my head, secretly thinking that I was going to need more than a good girl spanking, but I kept my mouth shut.
    
     When he finally got home, we sat together on the couch for a while, and he talked to our roommate about the sink (it had been clogged, and was now fixed). I fed the baby, changed him, put him down, and then J and I went to bed.
     He spanked me with the hairbrush, and then told me to pick something I wanted him to use.
     Of course, theres nothing in our arsenal that I want used on me, I prefer his hand, but I'm not allowed to pick his hand on occasions like this. Only he decides when he uses his hand. If he tells me to pick an implement, thats what I have to do. Soooo I chose the black strap, since he promised this was going to be a good girl spanking.
     In the end, the "good girl spanking with a hard edge" was just what I needed It was hard enough to recenter me but gentle enough for me to enjoy.

     J has been so wonderful this week about keeping me in a good frame of mind. There have been little spankings here and there all week, some hard, some not so hard, but all of them have reminded me how dedicated my man is to making our relationship a priority.

Vacation

    Yesterday we returned from a week long trip to Cape Cod. J's family has been doing this for years, and this was my third year. It was nice to have an entire week with J, and we were constantly showing each other how much we appreciated being together 24/7. There were lots of discreet sexy moments, playful spankings, and even maintenance. We brought the pink 4 rod cane and the dogging bat. Since we arrived on Saturday, and that's when we usually do maintenance, we got a chance to use them the first night. He gave me a few with the dogging bat but he realized quickly it was too loud with his mother sleeping on the other side of the wall. He gave me the rest of my spanking with the cane, then put them back in the drawer where they'd been stashed in our room. We cuddled and talked for a while before falling asleep together. The baby slept pretty good most nights.
    There even were a few public spankings! Oh man, it was so embarassing .. and thrilling! I was following behind J in the parking lot at Ocean State Job Lot and swatting his butt playfully. Glancing over his shoulder, he told me to stop. I was feeling feisty, and I swatted him again. He quickly grabbed me and sort of tucked me under his arm and smacked my butt twice. I thought I was going to have a heart attack! There were three people two rows in front of us! I know they didnt see, but still! I have no idea if there was anyone behind us in cars or anything. I told J later that I hope if anyone did see us, that it made their day, because if I had been the one to witness something like that, it would certainly make mine! One night, J's mom watched the baby for us while we took a walk down to the beach. We went to a couple different ones, and at the last one we went to, J had me put my hands on the railing and he gave me a few spanks with a group of teenagers sitting not too far away behind a shack. Just the possibility of someone seeing (though I know J would never do that to me) was absolutely exhilarating! I was horrified, but at the same time, loved every minute. It really was a great week! We were able to have a date night and get dinner by ourselves, and J's mom watched the baby for us. Things have been so hectic lately with the baby that we havent been able to enjoy each other's company as much as we would like and it was great to catch up a little on that this week.
     Last night we had maintenance again. I had put the baby to sleep, and sat down beside J at the end of the bed. We sat there a few moments before he got up and took his shirt off. Then, he unbuckled his belt and slid it through it's loops. I stared at him as I always do when he takes his belt off like that, but then, he folded it and pointed it at the love seat.
    I got up and started to climb up on the love seat, and he stopped me.
    "No, over here." he pointed to the end of it.
    I went to where he stood and bent myself over the piled up towels and blankets from vacation. I felt him tug my pants down, and then my panties. For some reason, I still wasn't expecting what came next.
    He used his belt on me! He has given me maybe three swats with his belt total, EVER, and they were all very playful and gentle. He has never used it for maintenance or punishment.
    OH.MY.GOD.
    I can tell you this. I dont want to meet up with that belt (or any other) ever again. ouch.
    He used his hand some, too. Hard. (I thought it was hard. This morning when I told him he spanked me hard with his hand last night he informed me they were "mediocre" and offered to demonstrate what hard ones would be like. I declined very politely.) He was very firm yet loving throughout the whole thing.
    I was having a hard time keeping my hands where they belonged. I tried time and time again to protect myself.
   After my hand strayed back a third time, J pushed it away and told me for every time I put my hand back, I'd get another ten on each cheek.
    I believed him, and I wasn't even trying to test him! But, my hand came back at least twice after I was warned.
    J, true to his word, counted out ten straight on each cheek before returning to slapping all over my bottom, each time it happened. After he finished, he got up and got some lotion and rubbed it on my sore, hot flesh. He spanked while he rubbed it in.
    By the time I was allowed up and gathered into his arms, I was feeling very submissive and turned on. I started to show J how much I approved of my spanking, and we wound up making love. It was the perfect way to close out a week away.

    Unfortunately, we eventually realized that the dogging bat and the cane were forgotten at the vacation rental house in the drawer! Oh man, wish I could be a fly on the wall when the next renters come in and discover them? Wonder if we'll have caused / inspired a spanking? I kinda hope so ;)

not so smooth sailing

Things have not been great. I am not emotionally in a good place. The reason for this encompasses many, many things. I have been this way for almost a week. I am constantly stressed out, no matter what actually happens throughout the day. We have a week long vacation coming up next week with my in laws and our roommate and I'm a little apprehensive. I'm nervous how the baby will be away from home for so long. I'm disappointed because I can't put on a bathing suit and lay in the sun and enjoy the beach, because I am disgusted by and ashamed of how my body looks. I worry that everyone will be watching me care for the baby like a hawk, and secretly think I'm doing everything wrong.

I got spanked yesterday. It hurt, but I didn't cry. I needed to. We missed Saturday maintenance again. J was tired and fell asleep on the couch. I knew he was exhausted, as was I. Obviously, he didn't intentionally fall asleep, but my feelings were hurt all the same. Even though it's usually painful and I don't enjoy the actual spanking itself, I look forward to maintenance. It's a chance for us to reconnect and just be focused on each other, something that doesn't ever happen otherwise, now that the baby is here. So, this being the third Saturday in a row that he'd fallen asleep, I felt unimportant. I was harboring a little resentment after what felt like being pushed aside. Sunday, J had a horrible migraine. I felt awful because no matter what he did, his head hurt. He couldn't sit up, or stand or walk without his head pounding. That brings us to yesterday, and I was all out of sorts.

I texted J telling him I still hadn't had maintenance. (HINT,HINT in other words). He promised I would get it, and he kept his word. When the baby went down for a nap and we had the house to ourselves, he ordered me to the bedroom. He used the hairbrush first, and I could barely stay still. It was worse than I remembered it! I begged him to use something else. Finally, he agreed, and he started using the doggin bat. Let me tell you, the damn thing hurts when it's used on your sit spot or thighs! He brought up the fact that I'd been teasing him about falling asleep on the couch while he spanked. I wanted to tell him that was how my hurt manifested itself, but I didn't. After the spanking was over, I felt just...empty. And upset. I didn't know why. The spanking was pretty long, and hard! Emotionally, I just hadn't reached the place I needed to be. But J had ended the spanking proclaiming that his arms hurt, so I felt like I couldn't ask for more even though I really needed it. He held me, and we talked a little. He asked when I was seeing my doctor.

"Tomorrow," I answered.

"So does that mean we can have sex tomorrow night?" he asked.

"Nope." I told him playfully.

"I might have to take it from you," he whispered in my ear.

"I might fall asleep." ok, that wasn't the best way to approach this, but I couldn't take it back now.

He was upset. "Hey, that's mean! I didn't fall asleep on purpose! You don't think that, do you?" he demanded.

I didn't answer. My eyes were filling with tears. Of course I know he didn't fall asleep on purpose, but that didn't change my hurt feelings.

"You do, don't you?"

We laid there in silence for a bit. I knew he was angry and I was afraid to say anything. The silence was agonizing, as I imagined every terrible thing he must be thinking about me.

"Lets go," he said.

We went to the living room where we sat in silence again. I cried again.

"I gotta say, it's pretty upsetting for you to think I intentionally do things to blow you off," he said finally.

Still crying, I was drowning in my emotions. I could hardly tell which way was up. I was so sad that I'd disappointed him. I couldn't speak so I sat in silence with tears rolling down my face. After awhile, and ALOT more crying, we hugged, and J told me that he'd expected me to have more faith in him than that.

He's right. I should. And, I do. I never thought he did it on purpose, though I was acting as if he did. I was already feeling insecure, and missing the spanking only amplified that, and I found myself in an internal downward spiral, positive that he wanted nothing to do with me. Today, I feel good about J and I. I know he's not mad at me. I don't feel good about myself, though. I need to work on a lot of things.

Stunned.

     As I sit here and type I am still somewhat taken aback. The HOH fairy has come to my house, cloned a more serious, stern hubby, and left him with me, escaping with the cuddly, laid back version.
     Yesterday was a bit of a stressful day. No particular reason, I am just easily stressed and lately, it's all just been builing up and building up, with no way for me to release it. Plus, my back was super sore because Silas was pretty fussy and I spent a good chunk of my day sitting on a bouncy ball with him in my arms. Do that for 10-20 min at a time with a 14 lb baby and you're bound to screw your back up. So, I was a tad cranky, and complaining about my back (like I have been for the past week) to J.
     He came to take over the bouncing of the baby and reminded me that I still havent used the heating pad, and that I should do so to help with my back.
     Frustrated, I snapped, "I don't even know where it is!" In my head, all I was thinking was when the fu*k do I have time to use the freaking heating pad? Totally not fair of me to snap at J but I was tired (ok, exhausted), sore and stressed out.
     "It's either behind the couch, or on the stairs in our room." he said slowly. "You don't need to snap at me."
     I got up and went to the bathroom, locking myself in. I cried because I felt like J was mad at me, and I felt bad for letting my emotions get the best of me. I sat on the edge of the bathtub and held my head in my hands while I cried.
     Literally two minutes later, J was knocking on the door. I thought he'd figured out I was upset, because he's usually pretty good at that, but when I opened the door, he was holding the baby, telling me he had to use the bathroom.
     For the rest of the night, I was distant and moody. I didn't have any more outbursts or anything like that, but I was definitely in a mood. I ended up in bed before J and I stared at the ceiling while I waited for him to come in.
     When he finally did, I watched him undress. I love when he takes off his belt, because he usually does it super fast so it snaps through the loops, just cuz he knows I like the sound of it ;)
     He laid beside me. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked.
     "Nothing," I lied.
     "Baby..." he said. "What's wrong?"
     "Nothing!" I insisted.
     "Roll over." J said firmly. When I didn't move, he repeated himself.
     I rolled over, avoiding looking at him. I could feel my face getting hot.
     He asked me again what was wrong, and again I told him nothing. He strapped me. It fell randomly on each side, and then it stopped. Again, he asked what was wrong. Nothing. The strap came down again, burning my poor bum. Clearly, he wasn't going to let it go, so when he stopped and asked me a third time what was wrong, I decided I should probably answer.
     "I'm just stressed out!" I blurted out.
     He started strapping me again, while he talked to me. He's not usually much of a talker when he spanks, so this caught me off guard. "What are you stressed about?"
     Between strokes, I managed to squeak, "The baby!"
     "Is that all?"
     "Mostly!" By this point I was squirming and trying so hard to avoid the strap.
     "What else?" he asked.
      Well, I didn't really know what else. I just felt .. blech. "Nothing,"
      That earned me harder strokes. "Babe, what else?"
     "Nothing else! Nothing, really.."
     "Well you said mostly, so what else is it besides the baby? Me?" he kept up smacking me with the God-awful strap.
     "It's nothing else, I swear!"
      For a few moments, he said nothing while he continued laying that evil strap on my burning butt. Finally, he said, "Do you know what to do about your stress?" he asked.
     "No!" I wanted to add obviously, since I'm in this position right now, but decided to keep that tasty little tidbit to myself.
     "You dont?" he waited for me to moan another pathetic 'no' before going on. "You can take a walk, put the baby in the stroller and he may cry for a minute but he quiets right down. Same thing with a car ride. You need to work your stress off. I think taking a long walk would be most beneficial to you, to burn your stress off. You know what I mean?"
     "Yes sir!" I assured him.
     He strapped me for another few minutes before ending the spanking and pulling me into his arms. He held me tight, kissed my head, and whispered how much he loved me. He did not ask if I was okay. He didn't apologize for making me cry.
     I closed my eyes while he held me and just let myself be. I felt so secure and loved wrapped up in his warm arms that I wished we could stay that way forever. I was more content after this spanking than I've felt in a very long time.

     This spanking was very different for me in a lot of ways. J initiated it, which obviously made me feel more like he was in control and that I could just let go. He spanked both sides randomly, with no set number, which made me feel more out of control because I couldn't count down the swats and mentally stay on top of the pain. I couldn't reason with myself that I only had x number of swats left so if I could just make it through, I'd be okay. He talked to me throughout, which kept me in the moment. I had to focus on everything that was happening, listening to him and formulating my own responses. Not only that but I felt more connected to him, like he was more involved and invested in this one? I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how I felt. Afterward, by not asking if I was ok or apologizing for making me cry, he made me feel that he was confident in his decision to spank me, which he should have been. I certainly deserved and needed it. I will definitely remember this spanking for a long time. Forever. I am so incredibly lucky to have J.