Wednesday, June 22, 2011

to be touched

    Of course, as most of you know, life gets hectic with kids, espeically your first, when you're so wound up and concentrated on always doing the right things perfectly. J and I have hardly had a moment to ourselves. We are always holding hands or sneaking a quick kiss or hug, but I underestimated how much I've missed him.
     Last night, I wore some lacy panties to bed (and a nursing bra, but hey .. the lacy panties were something to marvel at compared to the unsexiness of the last five and a half weeks) and J absolutely loved it. He didn't notice at first because we both had covers on (we each have our own blanket since we're both blanket hogs lol) and so when he draped his arm over me, he wouldn't have been able to tell through the blankets. However, he dipped his hand below the blanket to rub my back, and discovered the lacy panties. His hands roamed my legs and butt and side, warm against my cooler skin. He always feels so warm when he touches me. It felt so wonderful, and I was getting worked up just feeling him touch me so slowly and gently. I pushed my bottom out from under the blankets. With his left hand, he grabbed a fistfull of my hair, and growled into my ear, "What are you doing, exposing yourself?" his right hand finding my backside and firmly swatting it.
     He alternated between medium smacks and rubbing my legs and playing with my panties. I was absolute putty. Since I havent been cleared yet by my doctor, I knew this wasn't going to end where I wanted it to. *Sigh* Suddenly, he just started smacking my butt fast and hard. The first few stung but I was already feeling so good that these just felt wonderful.  I was gasping and wincing, but loving every moment.
     Finally, he stopped and just rubbed, massaging me while kissing my neck and shoulder. "I love you so much, baby." he whispered.
     "I love you too," I murmured. I was so lost in the pure feeling of what we'd just shared. We havent had a moment like that since the baby was born, and I hadn't remembered how much I loved his touch.

2 more weeks until I go back to the doctor! I don't know if I can stand it .. if I hadnt had a c-section (and had the incision open on me from doing NOTHING,) I would have definitely given in and jumped his bones already. But, I'm too scared of opening my incision again or hurting myself in some way that I've really had to convince myself to wait for the dr to OK me.

Monday, June 20, 2011

I really need to get more creative with my titles

     Before the baby was born, J and I used to shower together. We did this most every day, and I cherished the intimate alone time together. Now that our little one is here, obviously this does not happen anymore. Friday night, however, when J got home from work, the baby was sleeping and I finally felt comfortable enough leaving the baby alone for 20 minutes while we showered. It was wonderful. Nothing scandalous happened, but it was great having a few minutes for ourselves. Before he left the bathroom, he asked me to take the trash out of there and put it in the big bag in the kitchen. I said that I would, but by the time I'd toweled off, dried my hair, and dressed, I completely forgot.
     I was sitting on the couch after putting the baby in his swing, when J came out of the bathroom and caught my eye.
     "Why is there still a full trash in the bathroom?" he wanted to know, sitting down beside me.
    I immediately felt my face flush. Why does that always happen when he asks me things like this? "I forgot, I'm sorry..."
     "You forgot?" he asked.
      I nodded.
     "That's okay, do you know why?" he asked, turning to look at me with a gleam in his eye.
     Saturday. Maintenance! Eeep! "No," I whined, flopping down on the couch and resting my head in his lap.
     "No, you don't know why?" he pushed.
     I don't want a harder spanking, I whined to myself. I shook my head, not daring to speak a word. I didn't want to hear them aloud.
     He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Because I love you," he whispered.
    "I love you too!" I cooed, kissing him back. Then, I jumped up and high-tailed it to the bathroom to change the trash bag. Crisis averted.

     Later on that night, we lay together in our bed. The light was still on, and J asked me to get up and turn it off. I pouted and told him that I thought he should do it. We were laying close, and he reached his arm around me, and slid it down the back of my pants.
     "Go turn it off," he murmured.
     "Noo," I whined. "You do it, you're closer!"
     Suddenly, he started pinching me all over my bottom. Small, stinging pinches covered my sensitive skin.
     "Hey! No pinching,"
     "That's your punishment for telling me no," he grinned evilly.
     I was a little taken aback by this, as we have never talked about using other forms of punishment, and I certainly hadn't expected him to come out with something like that. I tried to hold out as long as I could, determined not to give in and turn the light off. After about a minute, though, I wriggled free and jumped up to turn the light off. By the time I got back in bed, J was practically passed out. Ugh.

     Sunday, J didn't apologize for falling asleep, but told me that I was in for a big spanking Sunday night. Momentarily, a sassy comment spun through my mind but I decided not to push my luck.
     As it turned out, J fell asleep on the couch before we'd even gone to bed. Disappointing as it was, I couldn't hold him at fault since he'd had such a busy FIRST FATHER'S DAY! He is such a wonderful father, as I always imagined he'd be. Our son is such a lucky boy to have a father that is so dedicated to his family.
     Even though I understood his fatigue, I still felt neglected. I'd been really needing my maintenance spanking, and now it'd been two days in a row it had been pushed off. I planned on telling J that I just didn't even want it anymore because I was sick of waiting for it, and it never coming. But when J told me he hadn't forgotten and that he'd just been tired, I had nothing to say. My mouth clamped shut and I couldn't open it for the life of me. I withdrew into myself, becoming upset, feeling like I wasn't important. That's two nights in a ROW he was too tired for me, I thought.
     He came and snuggled next to me, whispering in my ear. "Are you okay?"
     "Yup." I replied.
     "What's the matter?"
     I shook my head, signalling I didn't want to talk about it.
      "Do you want to go in the room for a spanking?" his voice was velvety, so tempting ...
     "NO!" I pouted. Duh, yes you do! I was really kicking myself for that, but oh well, nothing I could do now!
     He tried and tried some more to figure out why I was so down. "Stressed?" I nodded yes. "Sad?" I nodded yes again. He sat beside me for a while, holding me, until finally he said, "Okay, get up and go into the room."
     I wanted to argue, but I knew that I really did need the spanking. The only reason I'd said no before was because he was supposed to give me one anyway, and once you ask me if I want one, it changes the whole feeling for me. I didn't want to have one because I wanted one, I wanted one because I needed one, and that is hard for me to admit sometimes. I followed him into the bedroom and sat on the bed.
    He laid down on his side of the bed, and murmured, "Come here, I want to hold you."
    I rolled over to him and he held me tight in his arms.
    "I love you so much," he told me. After holding me for a bit and kissing my head, he reached behind him and grabbed the dogging bat. With me still in his arms, he swatted my bottom a few times before letting me roll over onto my tummy so he could have free range. He peppered my bottom with the bat. It stung, so he must have been using it pretty hard since it's usually an implement that feels good. Before I knew it, though, he'd picked up the black strap and started using that just as liberally on my behind. YEOWTCH! He went for about a minute before pausing and saying, "Okay, you're going to get 100," and starting right in. 100 swats on both sides.
     I wiggled, and cried out, but did not cry.
     He set the strap down and pulled me into his arms. "I love you," he whispered. "Are you okay?"
     I nodded, but felt disconnected.
    "Do you need more?" he asked.
    I nodded again, embarassed.
     "Okay, roll over."
     Back to my tummy I went. The strap fell again and again, and he announced I'd be getting another 100 on each. I tolerated that pretty well, though my bottom was on FIRE. Then, I felt him pull my pants down, and the cool air blew across my naked, hot skin. Goosebumps rose over my body.
     He hand spanked me for a bit, which surprisingly, hurt more than the strap today. After a minute or so of hand spanking, he decided another 50 on each with the strap was in order, and boy, did he deliver.
     I really hate being strapped on my bare butt. I really hate it. Still, no tears. But my backside was blazing and after a couple more hand swats, J started massaging my bottom and kissing the side of my head. I felt so loved and taken care of once it was finished.

     I can't say enough how lucky I am to have J. He is really stepping up. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be in his position. We are both going through a huge transition and on top of that, he has to figure out how to help me stay above water. He is an amazing, wonderful man, husband and father. It melts my heart to see him holding our tiny (hahahaha well, tiny in J's arms) baby and whispering and talking to him. I'm so grateful to have a man who is so dedicated and outwardly loving of his family.


Baby update!! the "little" prince is now 12 lbs 4 oz and 23.5 in at five weeks! He's growing like a weed :)

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Attitude? Adjusted.

In my defense, it had been a long week. We were sitting together before J left for work and I was being pretty sassy, but playfully! I didn't think J was going to take me seriously. I was wrong. He told me I had "an attitude that needs adjusting." I just shook my head and giggled, still not taking him seriously.

When he got home from work I was laying on the couch holding the baby, who was starting to wake. We talked while I fed him about J's night at work and random things. After the baby was fed and changed I put him back down. I sat with J for a bit longer, then told him I was going to lay down soon. He replied, "yeah on your belly or on your side," which made me blush a deep red. He continued, "let's just go now then because I don't want you to fall asleep." he used the doggin bat to warm me up. Then, he announced that I'd be getting 150. That sounded like a lot to me but I bit my tongue. He started and instantly my butt was on fire! He did things differently this time. Usually he does all one side then all the next. This time he alternated every few swats. I don't know which is worse, but it hurt. I was shocked at how much it hurt, actually. I didn't realize at the time that he'd switched to the black strap and I thought he was just using the doggin bat harder. There were times throughout the strapping that I thought about asking him to stop. Eventually I threw my hand back to get some sort of break, but he just grabbed it and spanked on. It felt like the hardest spanking I'd ever had, though J told me after that he wasn't going hard at all. When it was finished, I cried. J held me and made sure I was okay. Then we talked. He asked if it hurt and I told him yes. That was when I was informed he'd switched to the strap for the 150. I told him I almost asked him to stop and he replied, "well I wouldn't have. I told you how many you were going to get." I swear, someone has stolen my man and replaced him with a more stern one. It feels good though.

We had a busy weekend ahead. A thirtieth birthday party on the cape and then a Marthas Vineyard trip after that to close out the weekend. As we finished packing Saturday morning, J said something and I rolled my eyes. Immediately he asked, "do I need to pack a strap in case you get out of line?" I shook my head, pouting. "no sir!" he gave me a long look before the deciding. "Okay. But remember I've always got my belt on,"

Point taken.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

day off

I love my son. I really, truly do. It's just sometimes, when he's screaming constantly, I want to jump off a bridge. For the past week, he has been crying the majority of the day. Since I spend the most time with him, it was really starting to wear on me. Yesterday after walking around bouncing him for two hours to soothe him and it not working, I went into the bedroom where J slept. I sat down on the bed with the screaming baby and I just started bawling. I didn't know what else to do for him. J got up and took the baby, and after a while got him calmed down. He informed me he was going to call out of work to help me for the day. It was so nice having a little break. I was much less stressed out, and it was great spending some time with J. It was much needed! I'm so grateful for my hubby <3

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

new implement!

     Last week, I'd ordered a doggin bat from Amazon. I had read a few blog posts from fellow spankees and I was interested in trying one out for myself. I of course hadn't even been spanked at that point since I had the baby, but I was craving one and I just ordered it impulsively. It arrived two days ago, and J was the one to find it sitting outside the door.
     He was curious (I'd ordered it without asking/telling him, I wanted it to be a surprise and since it was only 8$ I knew he wouldn't mind) as to what it was, but I wouldn't tell him. Thankfully, we were on our way out the door so he didn't push the issue.
     When we got back, while he was preoccupied, I opened the package and stuck it in our implement drawer. He left for work soon after.
      Sometime while he was gone, I informed him that the package was something I'd picked out for him, and that I'd put it in the drawer for him to see when he got home. He was a little annoyed that I wouldn't tell him what it was, and I finally sent him the link to the amazon webpage so he could see what it was. He decided to be patient and not ruin the surprise. Before he came to bed, he opened the drawer and found the doggin bat. He grinned. "Is this for horses?" he asked.
     I nodded.
     "Roll over," he said.
      I rolled to one side and he whacked me with it a few times.
     "I like it," he announced. "It has good reach. It's a little weak though, isn't it?"
     I shrugged. "It could be because of my underwear.It's going through two layers of clothes."       
     Putting it back in the drawer, he said, "User approved."

     Last night, we were laying in bed, and J looked at me. "Go and get the bat," he ordered.
     I was tired, but I wasn't going to turn down a spanking! I jumped up and went to the drawer, carrying the leather bat back to him. I put a pillow under my tummy and laid down.
     He smacked away for a while with the doggin bat. It was pretty nice. After a bit, he said, "Ok. I want you to go put this back and bring back the black strap." he said.
      I tilted my head up and pouted.
     "What?" he asked.
     "I don't want it," I murmured. Despite my protest, I got up and replaced the bat, carrying the strap back to him.
      After I'd resumed my position, J said, "I'm going to give you 75 and 75. Ok?"
      I didn't answer, just nodded my head.
      It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. It stung, and he landed quite a few of the swats on my thighs, which was not fun, but it felt nice to be spanked, honestly.
      When he'd finished, my bum was warm and stinging. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. "Okay, that's enough for tonight. We've got to ease you back into it,"
       I smiled, glad he was so mindful of my well being.
       "Did it hurt?" he asked.
       "Yeah." I replied. "Not too bad though."
       He kissed my head again and held me wrapped tight in his arms. "I love you so much, baby."

       It was so nice reconnecting with him last night! I'm hoping for a repeat performance tonight! I even managed to find some high-waisted thongs that don't rub my incision so hopefully I'll be able to feel it more tonight :)

Monday, June 6, 2011

frustrated.

I am exhausted. Little boy has started waking up every 2 hours at night to eat (he'd been going 4-5, two nights he slept 7!) and J doesn't ever even hear him cry so needless to say he does not wake up. I breastfeed so I think he thinks he doesn't need to because he can't feed him but it'd be a huge help if he got up and changed him and then gave him to me to feed. Then he could go back to sleep. It wouldn't be so bad waking up but he eats for a half hour. Then he'll sleep an hr and a half and he'll be up again trying to eat! What happened to my sleeper?! He doesn't nap during the day either. He cat naps. And will only sleep in someone's arms. So nothing gets done in the house.
I am all fine and dandy with all of this. What bothers me is two nights in a row I was promised a spanking, and didn't get one. Both nights, I'd gone to bed expecting J to be coming soon after. Saturday night, I fell asleep almost immediately, so that wasn't J's fault. Last night, he told me he was finishing the beer he had open with our roommate and he'd be in. That was at 10:50. I woke up to him coming to bed at 12:24. So frustrating! And when I made a comment this morning about not getting spanked, he said it's because I fell asleep! Oh, I'm sorry that I didn't wait up for an hour and a half for you to come to bed. Gah!

Ok, rant over. Time to brag. MY THREE AND A HALF WEEK OLD SON ROLLED OVER THIS MORNING! No, you didn't read wrong. My child is superman lol I watched him do it and he made it look so easy. I was expecting him to roll early because he's always holding his head up and looking around, he's very strong. But not THIS early! I've got a feeling I'm going to have my hands full with this boy :p

Thursday, June 2, 2011

wheeee!

J asked me today if I'd like a nice little spanking tonight...wahoo! I can't wait :) just thought I'd share lol