to be touched

    Of course, as most of you know, life gets hectic with kids, espeically your first, when you're so wound up and concentrated on always doing the right things perfectly. J and I have hardly had a moment to ourselves. We are always holding hands or sneaking a quick kiss or hug, but I underestimated how much I've missed him.
     Last night, I wore some lacy panties to bed (and a nursing bra, but hey .. the lacy panties were something to marvel at compared to the unsexiness of the last five and a half weeks) and J absolutely loved it. He didn't notice at first because we both had covers on (we each have our own blanket since we're both blanket hogs lol) and so when he draped his arm over me, he wouldn't have been able to tell through the blankets. However, he dipped his hand below the blanket to rub my back, and discovered the lacy panties. His hands roamed my legs and butt and side, warm against my cooler skin. He always feels so warm when he touches me. It felt so wonderful, and I was getting worked up just feeling him touch me so slowly and gently. I pushed my bottom out from under the blankets. With his left hand, he grabbed a fistfull of my hair, and growled into my ear, "What are you doing, exposing yourself?" his right hand finding my backside and firmly swatting it.
     He alternated between medium smacks and rubbing my legs and playing with my panties. I was absolute putty. Since I havent been cleared yet by my doctor, I knew this wasn't going to end where I wanted it to. *Sigh* Suddenly, he just started smacking my butt fast and hard. The first few stung but I was already feeling so good that these just felt wonderful.  I was gasping and wincing, but loving every moment.
     Finally, he stopped and just rubbed, massaging me while kissing my neck and shoulder. "I love you so much, baby." he whispered.
     "I love you too," I murmured. I was so lost in the pure feeling of what we'd just shared. We havent had a moment like that since the baby was born, and I hadn't remembered how much I loved his touch.

2 more weeks until I go back to the doctor! I don't know if I can stand it .. if I hadnt had a c-section (and had the incision open on me from doing NOTHING,) I would have definitely given in and jumped his bones already. But, I'm too scared of opening my incision again or hurting myself in some way that I've really had to convince myself to wait for the dr to OK me.