While I was watching J get dressed for work, I climbed up on the loveseat, resting my arms on the back of it and looking over my shoulder, winking playfully at him. He came over and put an arm around my waist, and started spanking me with his other hand. After about 10 or so hard whacks, he stopped and said, "Do you remember?"
Well I was baffled. "Remember what?"
He sighed, shaking his head, with a shimmer of a smile in his eye. "I guess not, get back up..." he said, helping me back up. He gave me another 10 hard smacks and said "Do you remember now?"
"What am I supposed to remember? You have to tell me first before I can remember it!" I giggled, having no idea what he was talking about. I rubbed my butt as it was slightly warm now.
"Tsk tsk," he shook his finger. "Get back up," he laughed. He gave me about 20 this time and I was wiggling and laughing.
"NO fair!" I yelped. When he stopped, he asked me again if I remembered, and I said "Yep!"
"Remember what?" he asked.
I shrugged. "I dont know, that your spankings hurt?"
He shook his head, and told me to get back up. He gave me another 10 whacks and then leaned forward, his mouth next to my ear. "Remember how much I love you, baby." he murmured.
I haven't stopped smiling since.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
kind of shocked - thoughts please!
I stumbled across a vanilla blog today that has posted on DD. The author was in shock, and wrote about how she felt DD relationships were not only physically, but mentally and emotionally abusive in nature. She also stated that it seemed as if women in the DD lifestyle use it as an excuse to not hold themselves accountable, as they are now accountable to their husbands. She felt as if the submissives lacked self respect and that they are not veiwed as partners in their relationships.
I can't speak for everyone in the DD community, but I feel that I am cherished in my relationship. My husband values my perspectives and feelings and what I have to say about everything. He would never disregard my wishes or hurt me in any way. He has never acted disrepectfully to me. I don't feel that we submissives in DD lack self respect or responsibility. I don't really even know what to say because I am in shock. I felt offended that someone would make these assumptions from reading a few Christian Domestic Discipline blogs. She even acknowledged the fact that the women are willing participants, yet claimed despite this it is still abuse.
I'd like to hear your thoughts on this! I couldn't refrain from commenting and informing her that she was very misguided in her view on DD. Would you have said something or simply moved on?
On a brighter note, things are great with J and I. We talked about how I've been feeling lately and just being able to get everything off my chest has helped immensely.
I can't speak for everyone in the DD community, but I feel that I am cherished in my relationship. My husband values my perspectives and feelings and what I have to say about everything. He would never disregard my wishes or hurt me in any way. He has never acted disrepectfully to me. I don't feel that we submissives in DD lack self respect or responsibility. I don't really even know what to say because I am in shock. I felt offended that someone would make these assumptions from reading a few Christian Domestic Discipline blogs. She even acknowledged the fact that the women are willing participants, yet claimed despite this it is still abuse.
I'd like to hear your thoughts on this! I couldn't refrain from commenting and informing her that she was very misguided in her view on DD. Would you have said something or simply moved on?
On a brighter note, things are great with J and I. We talked about how I've been feeling lately and just being able to get everything off my chest has helped immensely.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
struggling.
I feel terrible being the person that says, "I wish my husband would do this, or I wish he would give me more of that." I know that I am incredibly lucky that my husband has taken this journey with me in the first place, especially given his original reluctance. I should be appreciative and accepting of all my husband is willing to do. (And believe me, I AM.) That being said, sometimes, I just feel like it's not enough. I feel selfish saying so because he works so hard and does everything he can to make me happy and yet sometimes, I look for more. Why is that?
I dont like asking to be spanked. I dont know why, but it takes away some of the importance of the spanking. I'm not able to completely surrender when I'm asking for it, for some reason. Which then makes me confused because if I ask for it, why should I be resisting the same thing I just clearly stated I wanted. I just wish that he could "sense" when I need to be spanked. I know that there are warning signs, little changes in my behavior, that to me, are LOUDLY announcing, "I NEED A SPANKING!" However, I feel that he perceives these things as me being upset, or mad about something, which sometimes is the case, but usually the underlying issue is that I need to be spanked and cant voice it, which translates into frustration.
It has been particularly hard for me lately. My body has been going through a lot of changes (obviously, growing a kid inside you does that!) and as excited as I am for this baby, and as much as I love him already, they have been difficult for me to accept. I have already gained 23 or so lbs, and am only 22 weeks. My doctor suggested originally that I gain 25-30 lbs total, and I know there's no way in HELL I am going to be able to keep to that weight goal with 18 more weeks to go. Disappointing. I have been feeling less attractive, even though J tells me all the time how beautiful I am and that he loves my belly and that he finds it sexy. I just don't see myself as beautiful right now. I look in the mirror and think: FAT COW. How selfish of me. I know that it is necessary for me to gain weight in order for the baby to grow properly and remain healthy but I am concerned about losing the weight once he is born. On top of this, my fingers are sausages and I have had to remove all of my rings. I was upset enough about taking my wedding rings off, but I also had to remove the ring from my mom. When she was growing up, my grandmother gave each of her chidlren a ring on their 16th birthday, and my mom wanted to carry this tradition on with her own children. I received mine on my 16th birthday, and my mother passed away only 2 months after this. (She also purchased rings for my sisters and brother for my dad to give them when they turned 16 when she was given the news that she wouldnt be around to do so herself.) I havent taken the ring off since the day it was given to me, so doing so was very emotional and a struggle for me. I feel like a piece of me is missing without it on, and everytime I look down at my hand, it makes me a little sad not seeing it there.
Finally last night I decided I couldn't wait any longer for him to decide to spank me on his own, and I texted him, telling him I really needed a spanking. He promised me that he would give me one and that it would be a good one. He sure delivered. After he got home and showered, we went to the bedroom and he got the black strap from the drawer. He spanked me slowly and pretty gently at first and built up the intensity. By the end, he was spanking me pretty hard and I was bouncing all around trying to avoid the burning leather. For some reason, though, it never has the same effect when I have to ask for it. Afterwards, I dont feel the same sense of relief that I do when he just does it. I am grateful that he tries his best, and I love him tremendously for that. I guess that is all I can really ask for.
I dont like asking to be spanked. I dont know why, but it takes away some of the importance of the spanking. I'm not able to completely surrender when I'm asking for it, for some reason. Which then makes me confused because if I ask for it, why should I be resisting the same thing I just clearly stated I wanted. I just wish that he could "sense" when I need to be spanked. I know that there are warning signs, little changes in my behavior, that to me, are LOUDLY announcing, "I NEED A SPANKING!" However, I feel that he perceives these things as me being upset, or mad about something, which sometimes is the case, but usually the underlying issue is that I need to be spanked and cant voice it, which translates into frustration.
It has been particularly hard for me lately. My body has been going through a lot of changes (obviously, growing a kid inside you does that!) and as excited as I am for this baby, and as much as I love him already, they have been difficult for me to accept. I have already gained 23 or so lbs, and am only 22 weeks. My doctor suggested originally that I gain 25-30 lbs total, and I know there's no way in HELL I am going to be able to keep to that weight goal with 18 more weeks to go. Disappointing. I have been feeling less attractive, even though J tells me all the time how beautiful I am and that he loves my belly and that he finds it sexy. I just don't see myself as beautiful right now. I look in the mirror and think: FAT COW. How selfish of me. I know that it is necessary for me to gain weight in order for the baby to grow properly and remain healthy but I am concerned about losing the weight once he is born. On top of this, my fingers are sausages and I have had to remove all of my rings. I was upset enough about taking my wedding rings off, but I also had to remove the ring from my mom. When she was growing up, my grandmother gave each of her chidlren a ring on their 16th birthday, and my mom wanted to carry this tradition on with her own children. I received mine on my 16th birthday, and my mother passed away only 2 months after this. (She also purchased rings for my sisters and brother for my dad to give them when they turned 16 when she was given the news that she wouldnt be around to do so herself.) I havent taken the ring off since the day it was given to me, so doing so was very emotional and a struggle for me. I feel like a piece of me is missing without it on, and everytime I look down at my hand, it makes me a little sad not seeing it there.
Finally last night I decided I couldn't wait any longer for him to decide to spank me on his own, and I texted him, telling him I really needed a spanking. He promised me that he would give me one and that it would be a good one. He sure delivered. After he got home and showered, we went to the bedroom and he got the black strap from the drawer. He spanked me slowly and pretty gently at first and built up the intensity. By the end, he was spanking me pretty hard and I was bouncing all around trying to avoid the burning leather. For some reason, though, it never has the same effect when I have to ask for it. Afterwards, I dont feel the same sense of relief that I do when he just does it. I am grateful that he tries his best, and I love him tremendously for that. I guess that is all I can really ask for.
Monday, December 27, 2010
OH, snow!
I hope everyone had a great holiday! Christmas was awesome for us, we got a few things for the baby (a red sox hat, booties, and onesie that I ADORE) that we absolutely love! We had a less than pleasant hour or so with our sister in law from hell but we expected that to be terrible so all things considered, it went well.
The holidays are a very stressful (and sad) time for me, since my mom passed away when I was 16. Even though it's almost been 6 years, it doesnt get any easier around the holidays. This year was one of the hardest times because it is sinking in that my child will not know my mom as his gramma like he will know my hubbys mother. It's very emotional bringing a child into the world anyway but knowing that my mom missed out on my wedding, meeting her first son-in-law, enjoying her first grandchild, its very sad. I don't do well with the "sad" feeling. I internalize it and it turns to anger and frustration and I end up upset over the silliest things.
J is very good at recognizing when this is happening, and understands that I have a harder time processing my emotions.
Nothing out of the ordinary happened yesterday. We spent the day together, and I teased, and prodded him a little, hoping to elicit the response I so desperately needed. I pushed a little, and he looked at me, smiling.
"You're cruisin, girl."
I raised an eyebrow. "Oh yea?"
He just nodded, and the conversation dropped for a few hours. A little before we were going to be going to bed, he looked at me and announced, "You're going to get 75 with the black strap."
Gah. That's not what I wanted! When he says 75, he doesnt mean total, he means on each cheek. My heart started beating faster and my lower lip pushed out.
He grinned, satisfied that he'd gotten my attention.
I pouted some, and pleaded that he not use the belt. I thought he'd gotten past me begging to be let off. Sometimes I just need to be able to fight the punsihment, for it to make an impactl. I need the power struggle, need to be overridden and for him to take control, whether I'm jumping for joy about being spanked or I'm stomping my foot and demanding he not touch me. I learned that he was not completely indifferent to this.
He looked at me, and his eyes betrayed the fact that he was struggling with holding his ground. "Why are you trying to guilt me out of this now?"
I knew that I could probably push a little further and get him to lessen my sentence, but I didn't. Instead I hung my head and admitted, "I'm nervous,"
He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I have to, though. I have to."
We cuddled for a long time when we got into bed. He held me in his big, strong arms and I felt at peace, comfortable in his embrace.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
He asked me what I was sorry for, and I replied that I was sorry for whatever I was being spanked for. "Don't be sorry," he said, stroking my hair.
"Isn't that the point?" I asked.
He sighed. "But I havent even spanked you yet. Aren't I supposed to make you sorry?"
I didn't know how to respond to this. I just shrugged, and huddled closer to him. I felt him kiss the back of my head, and then he loosened his grip on me.
He ordered me to go get it, and being the obedient girl that I am, I got strap and presented it to him.
I laid over my maternity pillow and grasped underneath it. I knew this wasn't going to be fun, or easy, but I also knew that he was doing what he was supposed to do, and that deep down, I did need this.
He started the first 75 on my right cheek and I didn't think that I could bear it.
My butt was burning and I couldn't help but sway from side to side in an attempt to get away from the sting. I buried my face in my pillow and bit down. Finally, the first 75 were over. I was breathing hard, my heart beating out of my chest. The next 75 were harder to take, and felt much more intense for some reason, though he told me after it was just the same on both sides. Once he'd finished, I started to cry, and he held me while I did.
He stroked my hair. "I love you baby, are you okay?" he asked, hugging me to his chest while the sobs shook my body.
I nodded. "I love you too sir."
"Do you feel better now?" he wondered.
"Yes sir."
"See?" he said, kissing the side of my head. "I told you I had to."
We got hit with a snow storm last night through this morning, and J got up early to go out and shovel the driveway, walk ways, etc.
I didn't see him for most of the morning, so when he came in, I went to the basement where he was shedding his wet snow gear so I could give him a kiss.
As soon as I got to the bottom of the stairs he said, "Babe, why is your car out of gas?"
I paused. "I thought there was like .. a quarter tank? I havent driven it in days, I didn't even think of it."
"I had it running for 15, maybe 20 min in the driveway to defrost and your gas light came on. It's not good to be so low on gas in the cold weather, especially a snow storm. I've told you that a million times!" he reminded me.
I nodded. "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't think of it."
"Well you shouldn't let it get that low in the first place without going to get gas that day. You're going to get a reminder spanking for this later," he announced.
Great. My butt's sore from last night still and now I'm in for another spanking. It's gonna be a long week, I think.
The holidays are a very stressful (and sad) time for me, since my mom passed away when I was 16. Even though it's almost been 6 years, it doesnt get any easier around the holidays. This year was one of the hardest times because it is sinking in that my child will not know my mom as his gramma like he will know my hubbys mother. It's very emotional bringing a child into the world anyway but knowing that my mom missed out on my wedding, meeting her first son-in-law, enjoying her first grandchild, its very sad. I don't do well with the "sad" feeling. I internalize it and it turns to anger and frustration and I end up upset over the silliest things.
J is very good at recognizing when this is happening, and understands that I have a harder time processing my emotions.
Nothing out of the ordinary happened yesterday. We spent the day together, and I teased, and prodded him a little, hoping to elicit the response I so desperately needed. I pushed a little, and he looked at me, smiling.
"You're cruisin, girl."
I raised an eyebrow. "Oh yea?"
He just nodded, and the conversation dropped for a few hours. A little before we were going to be going to bed, he looked at me and announced, "You're going to get 75 with the black strap."
Gah. That's not what I wanted! When he says 75, he doesnt mean total, he means on each cheek. My heart started beating faster and my lower lip pushed out.
He grinned, satisfied that he'd gotten my attention.
I pouted some, and pleaded that he not use the belt. I thought he'd gotten past me begging to be let off. Sometimes I just need to be able to fight the punsihment, for it to make an impactl. I need the power struggle, need to be overridden and for him to take control, whether I'm jumping for joy about being spanked or I'm stomping my foot and demanding he not touch me. I learned that he was not completely indifferent to this.
He looked at me, and his eyes betrayed the fact that he was struggling with holding his ground. "Why are you trying to guilt me out of this now?"
I knew that I could probably push a little further and get him to lessen my sentence, but I didn't. Instead I hung my head and admitted, "I'm nervous,"
He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I have to, though. I have to."
We cuddled for a long time when we got into bed. He held me in his big, strong arms and I felt at peace, comfortable in his embrace.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
He asked me what I was sorry for, and I replied that I was sorry for whatever I was being spanked for. "Don't be sorry," he said, stroking my hair.
"Isn't that the point?" I asked.
He sighed. "But I havent even spanked you yet. Aren't I supposed to make you sorry?"
I didn't know how to respond to this. I just shrugged, and huddled closer to him. I felt him kiss the back of my head, and then he loosened his grip on me.
He ordered me to go get it, and being the obedient girl that I am, I got strap and presented it to him.
I laid over my maternity pillow and grasped underneath it. I knew this wasn't going to be fun, or easy, but I also knew that he was doing what he was supposed to do, and that deep down, I did need this.
He started the first 75 on my right cheek and I didn't think that I could bear it.
My butt was burning and I couldn't help but sway from side to side in an attempt to get away from the sting. I buried my face in my pillow and bit down. Finally, the first 75 were over. I was breathing hard, my heart beating out of my chest. The next 75 were harder to take, and felt much more intense for some reason, though he told me after it was just the same on both sides. Once he'd finished, I started to cry, and he held me while I did.
He stroked my hair. "I love you baby, are you okay?" he asked, hugging me to his chest while the sobs shook my body.
I nodded. "I love you too sir."
"Do you feel better now?" he wondered.
"Yes sir."
"See?" he said, kissing the side of my head. "I told you I had to."
We got hit with a snow storm last night through this morning, and J got up early to go out and shovel the driveway, walk ways, etc.
I didn't see him for most of the morning, so when he came in, I went to the basement where he was shedding his wet snow gear so I could give him a kiss.
As soon as I got to the bottom of the stairs he said, "Babe, why is your car out of gas?"
I paused. "I thought there was like .. a quarter tank? I havent driven it in days, I didn't even think of it."
"I had it running for 15, maybe 20 min in the driveway to defrost and your gas light came on. It's not good to be so low on gas in the cold weather, especially a snow storm. I've told you that a million times!" he reminded me.
I nodded. "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't think of it."
"Well you shouldn't let it get that low in the first place without going to get gas that day. You're going to get a reminder spanking for this later," he announced.
Great. My butt's sore from last night still and now I'm in for another spanking. It's gonna be a long week, I think.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
trouble brewing?
gaaahhh.
That pretty much sums up how I feel today. I really don't even know why, because it was a GREAT day! We had our big ultrasound today and they told us that our baby boy looks perfect and everything is growing just the way it should be. We got to take home some really cute picutres, and he even gave us thumbs up in one! Then, when we got home, the CRIB ARRIVED! EEEEEK! I was so excited!!
But now, that J is at work I'm starting to feel down again. He asked me to remove the empty cups (and beer cans on his side of the bed), and I promised him I would. The only problem is, I am now overcome with an undeniable urge to "forget" to actually do so. I know he would notice, but I am not sure he would do anything about it? I know that I am craving the kind of spanking that cleanses your soul. The kind that makes you bare all (pun intended) and just let it all go. I believe that I'm so tempted to "forget" his task to get him to give me this spanking. Unfortunately, not sure he will. WHAT DO I DO? I want to please him, I love him dearly. Why do I doubt him so much?
I am not good at keeping still during a spanking, and last night was no exception. I was getting close to the point where the flood gates were going to open, but I was moving around too much and J stopped because he was concerned I was going to hurt the baby. I know he's got the best of intentions but it left me feeling empty and sad. Of course I don't want to do anything to hurt the baby either, he is the most important thing in the world to me, but I cant help my feelings I guess.
That pretty much sums up how I feel today. I really don't even know why, because it was a GREAT day! We had our big ultrasound today and they told us that our baby boy looks perfect and everything is growing just the way it should be. We got to take home some really cute picutres, and he even gave us thumbs up in one! Then, when we got home, the CRIB ARRIVED! EEEEEK! I was so excited!!
But now, that J is at work I'm starting to feel down again. He asked me to remove the empty cups (and beer cans on his side of the bed), and I promised him I would. The only problem is, I am now overcome with an undeniable urge to "forget" to actually do so. I know he would notice, but I am not sure he would do anything about it? I know that I am craving the kind of spanking that cleanses your soul. The kind that makes you bare all (pun intended) and just let it all go. I believe that I'm so tempted to "forget" his task to get him to give me this spanking. Unfortunately, not sure he will. WHAT DO I DO? I want to please him, I love him dearly. Why do I doubt him so much?
I am not good at keeping still during a spanking, and last night was no exception. I was getting close to the point where the flood gates were going to open, but I was moving around too much and J stopped because he was concerned I was going to hurt the baby. I know he's got the best of intentions but it left me feeling empty and sad. Of course I don't want to do anything to hurt the baby either, he is the most important thing in the world to me, but I cant help my feelings I guess.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tolerance
I have been reading some of my older posts, and realizing how intense my spankings used to be before I got pregnant. It never dawned on me how much it took to get me to my breaking point. Most of those posts occurred in the earliest stages of our domestic discipline relationship, and I'm considering that one of the reasons it took so much for me to reach tears because J was the first man to ever spank me, and I was reluctant to let my guard down. I guess I didn't really truly and completely submit to my spankings / emotions during a spanking? Not sure if any of this makes sense. Of course, I attribute most of my lack of tolerance now to the hormones from the pregnancy making me more sensitive, but it's much easier for me to cry from a spanking/punishment than ever before. Just a bit of thinking I've been doing.
So turns out the new puppy brought kennel cough with her, and gave it to my doggy. The cold air only aggravated it more, making her sound like she was choking. She has to be on antibiotics for ten days, but she's just fine. Whew!
So turns out the new puppy brought kennel cough with her, and gave it to my doggy. The cold air only aggravated it more, making her sound like she was choking. She has to be on antibiotics for ten days, but she's just fine. Whew!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
all over the place
There is a lot going on. Our roommate bought a puppy last saturday, but is not being much of a responsible owner. He hasnt been home one night since he got the cute little bugger, leaving me and J to take care of it (so mostly me, since J works 3-11). J and I have our own dog, who is a bundle of energy and still a bit jealous of the new pup. It does not make for much fun watching both when I am alone, especially since I am completely drained of energy by 5-6 at night. Being pregnant sure is an energy suck lol. ANYWAY, so tonight has been especially overwhelming, because I feel terrible, and I think my dog is sick! :( Everytime she sniffs at something, it sounds like she is coughing/choking on something. I am terrified of whats going to happen tomorrow when we call the vet. I'm stressed that it's going to be something very expensive to treat/fix, or even worse, that she might die. Ok, so my hormones might be making me think a bit drastically, but I literally was in tears today because I am so scared of whatever is wrong with her :(
Sorry. Just needed to vent a little.
All is well in the spanking world, for us, however. I got my good girl spanking the other night (NO STRAP! thank goodness, because that thing is the devil) and another play spanking last night. J seems to be more in the mood for spanking than I am lately! (which I'm kind of loving because I used to have to talk him into it!)
Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for my poor doggie! <3
Sorry. Just needed to vent a little.
All is well in the spanking world, for us, however. I got my good girl spanking the other night (NO STRAP! thank goodness, because that thing is the devil) and another play spanking last night. J seems to be more in the mood for spanking than I am lately! (which I'm kind of loving because I used to have to talk him into it!)
Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for my poor doggie! <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)