Firmly Reminded

     J and I have been talking about going away for my birthday at the end of November. He put in for the three days he would need off from work a week and a half ago, and instructed me to do the same.
     For some reason, this was not sticking in my brain. I would be thinking about it as I left for work, and then as soon as I got there, it just flew out of my head! Of course, once I'd leave work again, I would remember I was supposed to do it. So frustrating!
     He was so patient with me. I mean, really, really patient. He reminded me every day for that week and a half to put in for the time, and I just kept forgetting. Each time he asked and I told him no, I didn't put in for it yet, he would graciously tell me it was okay and to remember to do it the next day. Then, he would remind me in the morning before I headed off to work, too.
     I was actually surprised by the amount of leniency he was showing with this. I got really down on myself about it yesterday... he wrote me a note to remind me, and I put it in my purse, and still forgot! I mean, really?! I thought he was going to be mad. I thought he was going to punish me.
     However, he wasn't mad. He told me again that it was okay, but I definitely needed to get it done today.

     This morning, he pulled me over his knee for my "have a good day" spanking. It was light hearted and not too hard .. I so love these spankings before work! He even made up a little chant/song that he spanks to LOL anyway, once he finished his have a good day spanksong, he said, "Okay."
     I thought he meant the spanking was over, but he didn't move to let me up, so I stayed put.
     After only a short pause, he started spanking me again, hard. "Do you know what these are for?" he asked.
     "No!" I squealed, trying to wiggle away.
     "You don't?" he asked, continuing to deliver slow, firm smacks to my sit spot and upper thighs.
     "Nooo,"
     "So you'll remember what you're supposed to do when you get to work." he clarified. He gave me probably a dozen more swats, then helped me up.
     We hugged, kissed, and held each other. A few minutes later in the living room, J said, "Do you think you'll remember to put in for those days?"
     I nodded emphatically. "Yes! I just set an alarm on my phone so I'll see it while I'm there."
     "Good. If you don't put in for them today, you're getting a spanking tonight. With the loopy johnny."
     I felt my tummy drop. "NO!" I said boldly. "I just set an alarm, I told you .. I won't forget."
     "You don't need to tell me no. Just do it, and you wont have to worry about it. Saying no isn't going to do anything for you."
     I left for work with a sore bum and with full intent to put in for those days.



      Wondering if I remembered?





      You bet I did.

Ask, and you shall receive

   While J was at work last night, we had a text conversation where I asked him to spank me (again!) last night. I'd been spanked three out of the four previous nights, and I was feeling a little insecure about asking for more. I explained to him that I wasn't sure why but lately I'd been feeling like I needed a spanking every day. He was very receptive, and promised me a spanking when he got home.
   He still wasn't feeling that great (his neck has been bothering him, causing him to have terrible headaches), and I felt guilty that he was going to have to deal with spanking me on top of his pain.
   I almost told him he could wait til the morning, since usually he feels better earlier in the day, but once we went into the bedroom, he set the alarm clock, then went straigjht to the drawer. Ok, I guess we're on, I thought, just a little nervously. I saw him pull out the black strap and felt the pit in the bottom of my stomach start gurgling.
   "Do you want to lay down or kneel on the couch?" he asked gently.
   "I think my belly's too big to lay down, now .. so I'll kneel," I replied, grabbing my stuffed animal and making my way to the couch. I got into position, grasping my Stitch in front of me, resting my face in his belly.
   "Take your pants down," J ordered.
   I reached back and pulled them down, my legs quivering in anticipation. I knew this was what I asked for, but I was still nervous about it. Quickly I grabbed onto my furry blue animal and buried my face.
   He did not start off easy. The strokes were measured and crisp. He'd give me about ten or so on each, alternating sides, then pause for a few seconds before starting again. The tv was acting up (stupid Charter) so he'd give me a set, then get up and tinker with it, flipping the box on and off, then come back and give me another set. After only about three of these, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would. I really think that the breaks and pauses made all the difference. Lately, my spankings had been straight through, really no breaks to speak of, so I'd spent the entire time fighting the pain (and the emotions I was bottling up at the same time). When there was a pause in pain, the emotions starting surging against my walls, slowly cracking them and finally gushing through. He finally got the tv working and now stood beside me as I sobbed silently into my stuffed animal, bringing the strap down again and again on my burning butt.
   I kept thinking it had to be almost over, since usually my spankings end pretty soon after I start crying. But it didnt, the strap just kept coming down. Finally, after about 5-7 more sets, he stopped, and went to the drawer. I assumed he was putting the strap away and getting some lotion for me, but when he came back, fire lashed across my backside and I squealed, more tears pouring from my eyes.
   He'd gotten the loopy johnny. He brought it down rapid fire maybe 10 or 12 times before I threw my hand back.
   I'd tried so hard to keep them in front of me, but something about that God-awful implement steals my common sense and I just cant help myself. "Owwww," I sobbed.
   "I'm going to give you 35 more on each and then it'll be done, okay?"
   I just whimpered.
   "Move your hand, baby." he ordered.
   I did, and sobbed through the last part of my spanking. It hurt so bad, I kept thinking to myself this is what I get for asking for a spanking. When it was finally over, he put the loopy away and sat down on the bed, calling me to him. I caught sight of myself in the mirror as I went over and I looked like a hot mess. My hair was sticking to my wet cheeks, my make up running down in black rivers. I grabbed a paper towel and wiped my face and blew my nose, then went to J. I climbed into bed with him and he wrapped me in his arms.
   He kissed me, and asked if I was okay.
   Still crying, I assured him I was okay, and snuggled against his chest.
   He asked if that helped, and I nodded.
   It did. It hurt like hell at the time, but it was just what I needed to pull myself from the funk. As I lay in his arms, drawing deep breaths of air, I felt myself returning to a sense of calm. Everything was perfect.

Heeeeee's Baaaackk!

          Wednesday night, we talked as we lay in bed. He told me that he understood that sometimes it's easier for me to communicate through written word rather than verbally, but that it is not that way for him. He pointed out that if he asks me a direct question, I had better answer it right then and there because it wasn't fair for me to brush it off like it's nothing, and be upset about it for days, leaving him wondering what the hell happened. I felt terrible for my part in all this. He was completely right. I had been thinking only of myself in those situations, and how could I expect him to do right by me if he had no idea what was right? He kissed me and accepted my endless apologies, and held me close to his body. Everything felt good again.
            I was supposed to go to the gym on Wednesday. A few weeks ago, after my last dr appointment when they expressed concern about my weight gain during this pregnancy, J and I decided that I should be going to the gym 3 times a week, no excuses. I asked J to help me with this, since I'd been trying to go to the gym a few times a week already, and usually only made it once. I had the best intentions, with no motivation to back me up. He agreed, and we decided to make up a gym plan at the beginning of each week, and unless otherwise approved by J, I was to stick to that plan. Anyway, to shorten this rambling and get to the point, I didn't end up going Wednesday. I didn't do it intentionally, I just didn't think about it. When J got home from work that night, though, he asked me if I went, and I just shook my head. Not thinking it was a big deal, I said "No, I'll go tomorrow instead."
             He gave me a look, one that I havent seen in a while, and replied, "Are you testing me, woman?"
             I shook my head fiercely. "No..." I really wasn't! I didn't think it'd be a big deal.
             "Why didn't you go, then?" he wanted to know.
              "Honey, I just didn't think about it." I shrugged.
              The subject was dropped, and I thought I'd heard the last of it.

              He reminded me yesterday morning that I needed to go to the gym to make up for Wednesday. I agreed, even though I didn't feel like going. However, I dragged myself anyway, knowing if I didn't, there wouldn't be enough days left in the week for me to fit in my mandatory three.
               After, I went to the bank and paid our bills, then to the grocery store to get some ingredients we didn't have at home so I could make dinner. When I got home I made corn muffins to have with dinner (J's favorite), and banana bread with the brown bananas on the counter. I was pretty much exhausted by the time he got home (it doesnt take much these days!) and I laid on the couch while he worked in the nursery for a little bit. Then of course I got up to make dinner, and we ate together. We had a nice night.
                When he'd finished up for the night in the nursery, he went and showered, and then retreated to the bedroom for a minute. I figured he needed to grab a shirt or something, so I didn't pay any attention. He came back, and we watched American Idol, and played with our dog for a while. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the loopy johnny on top of the mantle. How the hell did I miss that being brought out? My heart started to beat loudly in my ears, but I didn't want to draw attention to the fact I knew it was there. I didnt want to hasten my fate. Soon after my noticing the evil implement, J got up and put the dog in her crate for the night. Coming back into the living room, he grabbed the loopy off the mantle and ordered me to come kneel on the loveseat beside him, to put my arms on the back of it.
                   I did that, and he started whacking me with it. This was not a play spanking. HOLY CRAP that thing hurts! I couldn't stay still for the life of me, and I tried really hard. We had to move because I was almost hitting my head on the wall behind the loveseat. On the bigger couch, I had the bay window to lean on. There was a blanket up there I balled up in my fist and buried my face in. I could hear J talking and I struggled to focus on what he was saying.
                "Why didn't you go to the gym yesterday??" he asked, not slowing his assault any.
                I could hear the damn thing whistle before it struck my burning skin. "I dont knoooow," I wailed.
               "Was it intentional?"
               "Noo," I felt like I was literally on fire, each stroke searing my poor defenseless butt.
                Then he announced I'd be getting 45 on each cheek to start. I tried to wrap my mind around that. To start. I didn't know how much of this I could take. It was freaking intense. I couldn't keep my hands in front of me and had to be reminded quite a few times. Thank God he didn't give me extra for that, but I think he knew I really was trying to. I just couldn't. After that set, I was panting and tears stung my eyes. I wasn't exactly crying yet, but it took a moment to catch my breath. He asked me if I was going to go to the gym on time, when I was supposed to.
                   "Yes sir," I murmured.
                    "Okay. Now you're going to get 60 on each cheek." He lectured through these 120 swats about getting to the gym on my scheduled day, and going through him if I wanted to change days for any reason. Of course, he was right. Every time I'd asked to switch days he's approved it, so I should have just asked. Then he pointed out that I'd asked him to make sure I go three times a week, and thats exactly what he was going to do.
                      By the end of that set I was crying. He told me I could relax for a minute and take a break. He held me and asked if I was doing okay. I told him that I was, and snuggled into his chest for a minute. Once I'd calmed down, he told me to get back up for the rest. I was going to get 75 more on each and then I'd be done. It was intense. I cried, and squirmed, and my hands came back a few times again, but he just sternly told me to get them out of the way. When it was over I was sobbing, and he held me, kissing my hair. He told me he loved me, and we cuddled together and watched some more tv.

                      Even though my butt is bruised and still sore, I feel better. Things feel right again. I'll tell you one thing, I certainly won't be missing any more gym appointments. I NEVER want to be spanked with that loopy again. Ever.

Honesty Pays

            When J and I first started this journey a little over a year ago, we started out slow. There were aspects that he wasn't entirely comfortable with, and he took control little by little. Up until the no texting and driving rule, I hadn't had any specific expectations put upon me. It went without saying that whatever he asked of me was to be done, and I was to treat him respectfully, but he'd never made those rules. Like I said, they went without saying. So when he decided to put his foot down and make it clear that I was not to text and drive anymore, it felt good. (This was something I did quite often, on a daily basis. I've become an expert at texting without even looking at the keyboard, so I didn't consider it dangerous, though I know that it can be. Something unexpected could happen if my eyes slip away from the road for one moment. I just never thought about it that way before.) I didn't think it would be hard to stop. He voiced his concern that if I didn't tell him that I hadn't followed the rule, that he would never know if I'd broken it. I agreed, and I even wrote out a "pact" to him on a piece of paper, that he now carries in his wallet. It said something along the lines of I promise to not text and drive anymore, and I also promise that if I ever break this pact, I will be honest and tell J anytime it happens, and signed my name.
            Yesterday was a terrible day. I was emotional and pre-occupied and just having one of those days. So when he texted me, and I picked up my phone, I thought nothing of it. It wasn't until I'd hit send that I realized what I'd just done. I hated the thought that I'd broken a promise I made to J. I was afraid that he was going to feel let down by me, disappointed. I hate disappointing anyone, but especially him. I knew that he was already having an awful day, and didn't want to add to his frustration by telling him what I'd done. I considered not telling him at all, after all, I'd worked hard at keeping my promise, and I really hadn't meant to disobey him. However, judging how I felt about breaking the pact, I knew my guilt would eat me from the inside out, and I'd end up confessing at a later time, getting myself into trouble not only for the texting, but for meaning to keep it from him. So then, I thought about giving him a night to get over the rest of the days stresses, and tell him today that I'd messed up and broke the pact. In the end, I knew that either way, he was going to be upset, and I didn't want to compact it by not fessing up right away. I wrote him a note. I explained that I was stressed and emotional and pre-occupied, and hadn't realized what I was doing. I acknowledged that having all that on my mind didn't excuse breaking the rule, but I wanted him to know it wasn't deliberate. I told him that I didn't want to make his day any worse, but I just couldn't keep it from him. I apologized, and told him that I loved him. It felt good writing it all out, and getting it off my chest. I was still nervous about how he was going to react, but I knew I was doing the right thing. When he got home, we watched a little bit of tv together and he had something to eat. I let him unwind and before he got in the shower, I gave him the note.
           I felt like I could cry, I was so disappointed in myself. After reading through it, he hugged me and thanked me for being honest. He told me that although I was going to be punished, that he was going to go easy on me, because I'd told him the truth and he knew how hard that must have been for me. He decided that since we'd both had long and stressful days, that last night probably wasn't the best time for us to address the punsihment, and that it would take place this afternoon before he went to work.
            I experienced the loopy for real for the first time today. He spanked me for two straight minutes, but graciously let me leave my pants up. That thing stings like nothing I've ever experienced. Even over my pants, my butt was hot and bright red when he'd finished. OW. I don't want to EVER have to get that on my bare butt. Makes me shiver just thinking about it.

All in all, I feel much better having put it behind us. This morning, my wonderful husband talked me into making a hair appointment and I got the hair cut I've been dying to get for about two months now. I go through phases where I want my hair long and then I get sick of it and need a change, so I got it chopped, and even added some bangs. I'm LOVING it! So glad he suggested it. FINALLY, the weekend is here! Tomorrow, we have a 3D ultrasound to see our little man, and then we're going to start painting the nursery :) :) :)

Have a GREAT weekend everyone!

He's getting good ...

This morning, I was woken up my the roommate's dog. NOT HAPPY. He is sooooo effing lazy when it comes to taking care of his dog it's incredible. She was crying for a half hour, WAILING, to be let out of her crate to go outside. After the first five minutes, I was about to get up and take her out myself, when I heard my roommate open his bedroom door, so I assumed he was going to. WRONG. I heard him moving about the house for another 20 or so minutes, even feeding the fish before taking his dog outside. How freaking inconsiderate. HELLO, you do not live alone, and the pregnant girl doesn't sleep well at night!!!!! WTF. Ok, glad I got that off my chest.

So anyway, after laying awake for another half hour, trying to make myself fall back to sleep, I gave up and went out to the living room. The roommate had left for work (the one day of the week he isnt working from home,) and his dog was whimpering in her crate again. I let her out and played with her for a little bit, then took her for a walk around our neighborhood before putting her back in her crate so I could try to sleep on the couch. I drifted off for a little bit, then woke up to J coming back into the house. I lifted my head and looked at him, and he told me he was going to the hardware store in a few minutes. I asked why, and he told me he was going to buy some materials to make a loopy johnny. I decided to go with him.

He found an random handle that something had been broken off of. It had a screw in the top, and he decided it was perfect. Since it was broken, we didn't have to even pay for it. Then we went to Lowe's, and he bought some 1/4" vinyl tubing. The whole time we walked around the store he sang a jingle he made up about spanking my bum. Greeeeeaaaat. He was a little too excited about this, if you ask me. Anyway, we got home and he made the darn thing in like 15 minutes! Geesh. I was in the middle of eating lunch when he finished and he came into the living room and made me lie on the couch so he could give me a few practice swats. OUCH! He decided he wanted to modify it, and left me in peace to finish my lunch. After fixing it to his liking, he sat down with me and ate, then rushed me to finish mine so he could spank me again with it. I swear, the man's losing it. He let me keep my sweatpants up, thankfully, because that thing stings like the devil! For the last few swats he wanted to "try it on the bare butt", and those were torture! And he was going light. Crap. He thought I was kidding about how much fuss I was making, so I told him to smack his hand with it, and he did, and got an evil grin and said, "Oh yeah, it's got some sting. I think I like this thing!"

Let me tell you, I'll be on my best behavior as long as this things around!!