First, and most exciting, J is working days this week :) I love when he works first shift! AND, he had a holiday Monday, has the day off tomorrow for an ultrasound, and has a holiday Friday. So he only has to work two days, and the other three are still paid! Woo hoo! Gotta love a week like this.
That being said, last night was kind of a rough one. I did not get my daily spanking yesterday. I thought he'd give it to me first thing when we woke up, but it didn't happen. Then, I started thinking that maybe he was waiting unil later when we'd have the house to ourselves, since he wasn't working, what was the rush? Nothing all day, either. Not even a hint. We went to dinner, came home, still nothing. By the time bedtime rolled around, I'd pretty much figured he'd forgotten. Despite the fact that my butt was still tender from Sunday night's spanking and I really didn't want one, I was still hurt. I started to feel like the spankings, and I, just didn't matter to him. I felt rejected. He usually admits to me when he almost forgets, and then ALWAYS says that he doesnt forget often, which is true. He really hardly ever forgets when there's supposed to be one. Anyway, while we were laying in bed watching tv, I worked up the courage to say,
"You forgot today, you know."
"Forgot what?" and before I could say anything else he continued, "Your spanking? I didn't forget. I'm skipping today because you got bruised last night. You'll have one tomorrow. I don't want your butt to be purple when you finally go into labor..."
I rolled over, completely unconvinced. I wanted to say a million things but I felt my emotions take over and my eyes were filling with tears. "I think you forgot," I said.
"No I didn't!" he insisted.
"You're mad I didnt spank you?" he asked.
"I'm not mad," my famous line. "You didn't say anything about it,"
"Why do I have to? I thought it was my choice," he argued.
There was so much stuff rolling around in my head that I wanted to say but I knew if I did I would just burst into tears, and I didn't think I could handle that right then. So I took a few minutes, sucked it up, and rolled back over to face him. He asked if I was okay, I assured him I was, and we turned the tv off and put music on to fall asleep to. In the dark, it was much easier for me to find the courage to say, "How do you feel about doing maintenance maybe earlier in the day on Saturday, instead of at night?"
"Why?" he wanted to know.
"Because it always gets put off," I said quietly.
"No it doesnt," he countered.
"Pretty frequently," I amended, waiting for an answer.
"You don't like skipping a day, huh?" he asked.
"No, sir."
"Okay," he agreed. He then joked around a little bit, saying he'd have to stay up real late on Friday night so he could spank me Saturday morning between 2 and 4 AM. I'm almost positive he was kidding about that, but I felt good about letting him know I didn't like skipping maintenance.
Today while he worked, I wrote him a letter, expressing all the things I'd been thinking the night before. My brain is kinda all over the place lately so I touched on a lot of things. I explained to him that I definitely was not mad that the daily spanking was skipped on monday, that I actually would have welcomed the break if he'd told me we were skipping it. That because he didn't say anything, I thought he forgot, which led me to feel rejected and uncared about. I told him that spankings were very intimate to me and that I looked forward to those times together, so when I think all day that it's going to happen and then it doesnt, I feel hurt. I talked about a lot of other things that I'd sort of bottled up, and it felt wonderful to let it all out. I think I'm making progress! :D
AAAAAAAANNNNNDDDD ... I got another chapter up at stories by a spanko
go read & leave me some comments, pretty please :p
Showing posts with label daily spanking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daily spanking. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Spanking and Tears
I know I already touched on the subject of tears a couple months ago, but .. here I am again. I talked about how it used to be difficult for me to cry during a spanking, that it's easier now. This is not true. Now, before you get offended that I lied to you all, I thought that it was true. It seemed at the time I wrote the entry that it was true. However, I've noticed a pattern. I'll go a few weeks where I'm completely open, emotionally raw, and will cry pretty easily from a spanking. Then I'll go into a mode where it's nearly impossible for me to reach the point of tears.
I have come to realize that it is not the severity of the spanking, or the amount of pain it produces, that brings me to tears. The pain is merely a catalyst to the tears. I can take quite a bit of pain during a spanking, especially when I'm told before hand how many swats/strokes I'm going to get. I can mentally work my way through the pain, fight it, because I rationalize that I've only got "so many" left before it's over. It's baffling as to why I do this, because I often crave the catharsis I get from the release of tears, and yet I fight the total loss of control that brings me to it.
The emotion that is invoked while I'm being spanked is what brings the tears. If J is silent or doesn't say much throughout the spanking, it is very unlikely that I will even come close, regardless of how hard or long I'm spanked. It is even less likely that I will cry if the spanks are consecutive, no pauses in between. However, if he speaks to me, tells me that I'm being spanked because it's what I need, because he cares, because I didn't do something I was supposed to, or whatever the case may be, it's easier for me to reach a point where I will cry.
Here's what happened to bring me to these conclusions. Lately, I have been on-edge. I've been stressed out, overwhelmed, and apprehensive. I believe these feelings are linked to the fact that our son is due in less than four weeks, and our life is about to change drastically. I'm very excited and absolutely can't wait for him to arrive, but at the same time, I know that change is inevitable. My relationship with J is going to change, and there's no way to predict what those changes will be. What I'm very hopeful for and what I expect will happen is that we will grow closer with the knowledge that the beautiful new life joining us is a product of our love and commitment to each other. What is more likely is that while our love may deepen, we will both be tired, irritable, and possibly irrational. We will snap at each other, misunderstand each other, and make mistakes. These things, I'm positive, are things that all new parents experience. What I'm afraid of is that in between diapers, feedings, spit up, and sleepless nights, we won't be able to find time for each other. That the little things that mean so much will slip through the cracks, the spankings will stop and I'll lose the feeling of stabilitly and security that comes with them. I'm afraid of losing the intimacy between J and I.
I suggested the idea of daily spankings, because I thought they would help ease some of my obsessive worries. J agreed to do daily spankings, and they have helped some. However, I find myself wanting more. I wind up crying at night and I don't know why. I try to hide this from J because I know it would worry him and he would want to know what's wrong, and how could I possibly explain it when I don't know? I haven't cried from a spanking in at least two weeks, and I began wondering if this was the cause of my affliction. I (irrationally) have been feeling neglected and unwanted (as described in my last post), and have been physically craving J. It's difficult for us to make love or be intimate, between J's work schedule, our sleep schedule, and the fact that I am a blimp and just generally uncomfortable. However, I think our inability to have sex has translated into me needing more physical contact to feel like I am wanted and loved. We didn't have much time yesterday before J left for work for our daily spanking date, so J told me I'd be getting it before bed instead.
We were laying in bed watching tv, and J asked me if I wanted to go to bed.
I looked at him, confused, realizing with a sinking feeling that he'd forgotten about the spanking, and slowly replied, "Sure..."
Recognition flashed in his eyes, and he said, "You have a choice."
Immediately, I started closing up. I thought he might say that I "could wait until tomorrow" and have two, or something of the sort. Like skipping a spanking was even close to what I wanted. I started to feel sick to my stomach.
"You can pick a card, or my choice."
"What do you mean?" I asked softly.
"Either you go get the cards, or I do what I want."
Isn't that the point? I thought to myself. "I don't want to choose." I said, not referring only to that particular moment, but everything in general. Beneath those five simple words, I begged him to take control.
"What does that mean?"
"Do what you want." I mumbled.
I assumed the position on the love seat, and he pulled my sweatpants down. Clutching my stuffed animal, I braced myself.
He used the five finger strap for a minute or two to start off with, then started using the celtic lexan paddle. However, it was very thuddy and it worried me a little how heavy it was.
"That's really heavy," I said. We hadn't used that paddle much so I dont think either of us realized how heavy it really was.
He agreed, and put it away. In it's place, he brought out the loopy. He spanked me with that for some time, and while he spanked, he admitted that he'd almost forgotten tonight's spanking. "But you knew that already, didn't you?"
I told him I did, and I forced myself to focus on the twinge of emotional pain that brought. I knew it wasn't his fault he'd almost forgot, usually we do the spankings before he goes to work. After working hard all night, and being tired, I'm sure it wasn't intentional. Nontheless, as always when a spanking is forgotten, there was a moment of feeling rejected. I held on to that, allowed it to chew through my protective layer, to let the pain seep in and blend with all the emotions that had been weighing me down. When I finally did, I felt the tears welling in my eyes.
The spanking ended soon after I'd reached this point. Looking back, I wish I'd had just a bit more of spanking, let the pain carve a little deeper into my emotional pool. At the time, though, I just wanted to be in J's arms. He held me while I cried, and the tighter he wrapped his arms around me, the harder I cried. I felt close to totally losing control and sobbing, but reigned myself back in. J asked me if it hurt, and I assumed he thought it must have because I was crying, and I hadn't cried in some time. I was too teary to explain that it was the emotion that had made me cry, not the pain, so I simply just let myself cry softly into his chest. As I regained composure, I pulled myself away and noticed a big black splotch on his white shirt. I gasped.
"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, slapping my hand over the spot my mascara had left on his shirt.
He assured me it was okay, and I went to the bathroom to clean my face off (and pee, obviously, since it had been over ten minues since the last time I'd gone LOL).
When I came back to bed, I was feeling lighter, more secure, and closer to J. All my life, I've tried to hide my tears from everyone else in the world. It has always been easier for me to bury my feelings than suffer the indignity of dealing with them in view of others. Showing emotion was strongly discouraged by my father, so I learned very early on that I was better off dealing with it privately. I was (and often still am) ashamed by any display of emotion that may portray weakness. Therefore, crying makes me feel vulnerable. Being able to show that vulnerability and feel safe while doing so, draws me emotionally and psychologically closer to J. It's inexplicable, but a spanking that tears down my walls, drags me through my inner pool of darkness, and forces me to face the fears and anguish that live there bonds me to him. To make a long story short, I felt relieved after last night's spanking. I needed to feel vulnerable, and in turn be protected and feel safe in that vulnerability. The intimacy I feel through that process runs deeper and stronger than you could imagine if you've never been through it.
Today, from an emotional stand point, I'm feeling great. I feel that I am able to face the change that our lives are going to meet and go with it. Everything is going to be okay, because J and I are in this together, and no matter what happens, we've got each other.
I have come to realize that it is not the severity of the spanking, or the amount of pain it produces, that brings me to tears. The pain is merely a catalyst to the tears. I can take quite a bit of pain during a spanking, especially when I'm told before hand how many swats/strokes I'm going to get. I can mentally work my way through the pain, fight it, because I rationalize that I've only got "so many" left before it's over. It's baffling as to why I do this, because I often crave the catharsis I get from the release of tears, and yet I fight the total loss of control that brings me to it.
The emotion that is invoked while I'm being spanked is what brings the tears. If J is silent or doesn't say much throughout the spanking, it is very unlikely that I will even come close, regardless of how hard or long I'm spanked. It is even less likely that I will cry if the spanks are consecutive, no pauses in between. However, if he speaks to me, tells me that I'm being spanked because it's what I need, because he cares, because I didn't do something I was supposed to, or whatever the case may be, it's easier for me to reach a point where I will cry.
Here's what happened to bring me to these conclusions. Lately, I have been on-edge. I've been stressed out, overwhelmed, and apprehensive. I believe these feelings are linked to the fact that our son is due in less than four weeks, and our life is about to change drastically. I'm very excited and absolutely can't wait for him to arrive, but at the same time, I know that change is inevitable. My relationship with J is going to change, and there's no way to predict what those changes will be. What I'm very hopeful for and what I expect will happen is that we will grow closer with the knowledge that the beautiful new life joining us is a product of our love and commitment to each other. What is more likely is that while our love may deepen, we will both be tired, irritable, and possibly irrational. We will snap at each other, misunderstand each other, and make mistakes. These things, I'm positive, are things that all new parents experience. What I'm afraid of is that in between diapers, feedings, spit up, and sleepless nights, we won't be able to find time for each other. That the little things that mean so much will slip through the cracks, the spankings will stop and I'll lose the feeling of stabilitly and security that comes with them. I'm afraid of losing the intimacy between J and I.
I suggested the idea of daily spankings, because I thought they would help ease some of my obsessive worries. J agreed to do daily spankings, and they have helped some. However, I find myself wanting more. I wind up crying at night and I don't know why. I try to hide this from J because I know it would worry him and he would want to know what's wrong, and how could I possibly explain it when I don't know? I haven't cried from a spanking in at least two weeks, and I began wondering if this was the cause of my affliction. I (irrationally) have been feeling neglected and unwanted (as described in my last post), and have been physically craving J. It's difficult for us to make love or be intimate, between J's work schedule, our sleep schedule, and the fact that I am a blimp and just generally uncomfortable. However, I think our inability to have sex has translated into me needing more physical contact to feel like I am wanted and loved. We didn't have much time yesterday before J left for work for our daily spanking date, so J told me I'd be getting it before bed instead.
We were laying in bed watching tv, and J asked me if I wanted to go to bed.
I looked at him, confused, realizing with a sinking feeling that he'd forgotten about the spanking, and slowly replied, "Sure..."
Recognition flashed in his eyes, and he said, "You have a choice."
Immediately, I started closing up. I thought he might say that I "could wait until tomorrow" and have two, or something of the sort. Like skipping a spanking was even close to what I wanted. I started to feel sick to my stomach.
"You can pick a card, or my choice."
"What do you mean?" I asked softly.
"Either you go get the cards, or I do what I want."
Isn't that the point? I thought to myself. "I don't want to choose." I said, not referring only to that particular moment, but everything in general. Beneath those five simple words, I begged him to take control.
"What does that mean?"
"Do what you want." I mumbled.
I assumed the position on the love seat, and he pulled my sweatpants down. Clutching my stuffed animal, I braced myself.
He used the five finger strap for a minute or two to start off with, then started using the celtic lexan paddle. However, it was very thuddy and it worried me a little how heavy it was.
"That's really heavy," I said. We hadn't used that paddle much so I dont think either of us realized how heavy it really was.
He agreed, and put it away. In it's place, he brought out the loopy. He spanked me with that for some time, and while he spanked, he admitted that he'd almost forgotten tonight's spanking. "But you knew that already, didn't you?"
I told him I did, and I forced myself to focus on the twinge of emotional pain that brought. I knew it wasn't his fault he'd almost forgot, usually we do the spankings before he goes to work. After working hard all night, and being tired, I'm sure it wasn't intentional. Nontheless, as always when a spanking is forgotten, there was a moment of feeling rejected. I held on to that, allowed it to chew through my protective layer, to let the pain seep in and blend with all the emotions that had been weighing me down. When I finally did, I felt the tears welling in my eyes.
The spanking ended soon after I'd reached this point. Looking back, I wish I'd had just a bit more of spanking, let the pain carve a little deeper into my emotional pool. At the time, though, I just wanted to be in J's arms. He held me while I cried, and the tighter he wrapped his arms around me, the harder I cried. I felt close to totally losing control and sobbing, but reigned myself back in. J asked me if it hurt, and I assumed he thought it must have because I was crying, and I hadn't cried in some time. I was too teary to explain that it was the emotion that had made me cry, not the pain, so I simply just let myself cry softly into his chest. As I regained composure, I pulled myself away and noticed a big black splotch on his white shirt. I gasped.
"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, slapping my hand over the spot my mascara had left on his shirt.
He assured me it was okay, and I went to the bathroom to clean my face off (and pee, obviously, since it had been over ten minues since the last time I'd gone LOL).
When I came back to bed, I was feeling lighter, more secure, and closer to J. All my life, I've tried to hide my tears from everyone else in the world. It has always been easier for me to bury my feelings than suffer the indignity of dealing with them in view of others. Showing emotion was strongly discouraged by my father, so I learned very early on that I was better off dealing with it privately. I was (and often still am) ashamed by any display of emotion that may portray weakness. Therefore, crying makes me feel vulnerable. Being able to show that vulnerability and feel safe while doing so, draws me emotionally and psychologically closer to J. It's inexplicable, but a spanking that tears down my walls, drags me through my inner pool of darkness, and forces me to face the fears and anguish that live there bonds me to him. To make a long story short, I felt relieved after last night's spanking. I needed to feel vulnerable, and in turn be protected and feel safe in that vulnerability. The intimacy I feel through that process runs deeper and stronger than you could imagine if you've never been through it.
Today, from an emotional stand point, I'm feeling great. I feel that I am able to face the change that our lives are going to meet and go with it. Everything is going to be okay, because J and I are in this together, and no matter what happens, we've got each other.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
flowing nicely
Things have just been great. J has been spanking me daily since the day we had that talk, its been a little over a week. They are not very hard or long but leave me feeling taken care of, and balanced. There have been some days where I've had to remind him, but it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would to do so. Some days, our minds are just other places. I do, however, think it's important to stick to the routine even when other things are taking up residence in our thoughts. It helps me to feel like there is something I can predict in my day, as I'm getting to a point in this pregnancy that I have no idea what's going to happen. Some days I feel okay but quite often I'm exhausted, sore, and just ready to be done. My doctor told me last week that after this coming thursday, if I go into labor, they will do nothing to stop it. Said the baby is big enough and I'm far enough along that everything should be fine. Which led me to believe, I really can go anytime now! Which is OH SO exciting, but also terrifying. I'm afraid of going into labor when J is at work, and having to go to the hospital myself and him having to meet me there. I'm scared I won't know when it's happening right away. But, as I said, my daily spankings help to re-center and focus me and I don't think about it as much. I have everything ready to go, all I need to do is trust and listen to my body. Everything else will be okay.
We had maintenance last night. J had a stiff neck / headache, so he picked a card instead of just doing whatever. He chose a card that said 75 on each with the five fingered strap and 20 on each with his hand. "C'mon," he said, tapping the arm of the loveseat with the strap.
I looked at him with my puppy dog eyes. I really hate that strap! I stood up anyway, clutching my stuffed animal to my chest already, and stood in front of him.
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me, then kissed the top of my head, before releasing me in the direction of the leather loveseat.
I climbed up, intentionally leaving my yoga pants up, hoping he would show some mercy and let me keep them on.
"Ready?" he asked, like he always does, even though I never respond because I never really am. "If you put your hand back to block, I'm going to get out the loopy."
My heart started pounding in my ears. Usually, he doesn't offer a consequence for putting my hands back, and the fear of having the loopy taken out made me squeeze my fingers tight around my stuffed animal. No way would I let that happen.
The first 75, on the left side, weren't that bad, but definitely warmed me up and had me wiggling. They stung pretty good. The other 75 on my right were pretty much the same. Then he put it down, and kneeled beside me on the loveseat.
"I'm going to give you the 20 on each with my hand, and then I'm going to give you another 75 with the strap, because that was a little wimpy of a spanking." he informed me.
I groaned. Here I was, looking forward to ending the spanking with my favorite kind of spanking, with his hand. No such luck.
He gave me the sets with his hand, and they were surprisingly stingy. Sometimes I wonder how he can pack such a spank with just his hand! Then, I felt his hands in the waistband of my yoga pants.
"Aww," I whined.
He tapped the strap on my right cheek before beginning. It felt like fire on my bare skin, that stupid strap.
I squeezed stitch as tight as I could because the urge to protect my poor butt was overwhelming. I willed myself to keep them put, not wanting to make things worse.
The left side was even worse than the right, the tips of the five fingers kept hitting right next to my butt crack and it was so tender! It KILLED! I wiggled and cried out, but I managed to keep my hands in front of me. When he finished, he rubbed lotion on me, and gave me a hug.
"All done, more tomorrow..." he promised.
We laid together, my head on his chest, his arm around me, and watched some tv. It was very nice.
J had to work this morning, so we havent had our daily spanking yet. I'm looking forward to it! I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend, I know I did :)
We had maintenance last night. J had a stiff neck / headache, so he picked a card instead of just doing whatever. He chose a card that said 75 on each with the five fingered strap and 20 on each with his hand. "C'mon," he said, tapping the arm of the loveseat with the strap.
I looked at him with my puppy dog eyes. I really hate that strap! I stood up anyway, clutching my stuffed animal to my chest already, and stood in front of him.
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me, then kissed the top of my head, before releasing me in the direction of the leather loveseat.
I climbed up, intentionally leaving my yoga pants up, hoping he would show some mercy and let me keep them on.
"Ready?" he asked, like he always does, even though I never respond because I never really am. "If you put your hand back to block, I'm going to get out the loopy."
My heart started pounding in my ears. Usually, he doesn't offer a consequence for putting my hands back, and the fear of having the loopy taken out made me squeeze my fingers tight around my stuffed animal. No way would I let that happen.
The first 75, on the left side, weren't that bad, but definitely warmed me up and had me wiggling. They stung pretty good. The other 75 on my right were pretty much the same. Then he put it down, and kneeled beside me on the loveseat.
"I'm going to give you the 20 on each with my hand, and then I'm going to give you another 75 with the strap, because that was a little wimpy of a spanking." he informed me.
I groaned. Here I was, looking forward to ending the spanking with my favorite kind of spanking, with his hand. No such luck.
He gave me the sets with his hand, and they were surprisingly stingy. Sometimes I wonder how he can pack such a spank with just his hand! Then, I felt his hands in the waistband of my yoga pants.
"Aww," I whined.
He tapped the strap on my right cheek before beginning. It felt like fire on my bare skin, that stupid strap.
I squeezed stitch as tight as I could because the urge to protect my poor butt was overwhelming. I willed myself to keep them put, not wanting to make things worse.
The left side was even worse than the right, the tips of the five fingers kept hitting right next to my butt crack and it was so tender! It KILLED! I wiggled and cried out, but I managed to keep my hands in front of me. When he finished, he rubbed lotion on me, and gave me a hug.
"All done, more tomorrow..." he promised.
We laid together, my head on his chest, his arm around me, and watched some tv. It was very nice.
J had to work this morning, so we havent had our daily spanking yet. I'm looking forward to it! I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend, I know I did :)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
FINALLY!
I got spanked twice yesterday. I got a short handspanking before J left for work, my daily spanking. It was stingy but not terribly. When he was at work, I'd texted him, revealing my desire to make love when he got home. It'd been some time, since the last few times we'd tried it really hurt, and I was craving my man. He agreed we could try. He didn't want to hurt me.
After he got out of the shower, he spanked me again. He used the black strap and the five fingered strap. The strokes were not very hard, and only a few of them hurt. Most of the time it felt very nice, and did a great job of getting me in the mood :p
We made love, and it was wonderful. Of course, it hurt at first. A lot. But J was so gentle and loving, and after a little bit, it didn't hurt anymore. It felt so good to reconnect with him on that level. It'd been waaay too long. Hopefully there will be much more where that came from before the little man arrives! 6 more weeks if I make it to my due date, woo hoo!
After he got out of the shower, he spanked me again. He used the black strap and the five fingered strap. The strokes were not very hard, and only a few of them hurt. Most of the time it felt very nice, and did a great job of getting me in the mood :p
We made love, and it was wonderful. Of course, it hurt at first. A lot. But J was so gentle and loving, and after a little bit, it didn't hurt anymore. It felt so good to reconnect with him on that level. It'd been waaay too long. Hopefully there will be much more where that came from before the little man arrives! 6 more weeks if I make it to my due date, woo hoo!
Friday, March 25, 2011
And So It Begins ...
I sent J the link to my post yesterday.
He texted me back, saying, So you want one every day?
My stomach twisted in knots. I did want them, so why was it so hard to admit that? I replied with would you mind? Its obviously up to you how you decide to do it, but it doesnt need to be anything particularly long or hard. Idk what it is lately, but I've been feeling like I need them more often.
I'll see what I can do.
I thanked him up and down for being so understanding, and not thinking I'm crazy (though I'm sure he still does, he just would never admit it to me). He of course brushed it off, and told me he loved me.
Later, when he got home, he held me and kissed my head, and told me that we'd be having them in the mornings when we get up. I agreed, and the subject was dropped.
When I woke up, of course it was the first thing on my mind. I was a little nervous, because I had no idea what he was planning to do for these daily spankings.
It was almost noon when we woke up, and J went to the grocery store to grab some food that he could make quickly for lunch and have enough left over to bring to work. When he got back, I asked about the spanking and he said since we got up late, I'd get it after lunch.
We ate together, and then he made a plate up for work, and I put the rest of the leftovers in a tupperware container and stuck it in the fridge. As I was putting the pot in the sink, J came up behind me.
"Let's go," he said firmly.
I was filling the pot with soap and water so it could soak for a little bit, and I nodded. "One minute,"
J stood beside me as it filled, then reached out and shut the water off. "Come on."
Darn. No such thing as stalling today! I followed him into the bedroom, where he'd taken out the strap. I groaned.
"What?" he asked, as I climbed up onto the love seat.
"Nothing," I said quietly.
He smacked me with the strap. "What did you say?" he asked, yanking my sweat pants down.
"I didn't say anything!" I cried, as the strap caught the bottom of my left cheek.
"You moaned something," he said firmly, bringing the strap down again.
"Ow! I just moaned, I didn't say anything in particular..."
He gave me a few more before asking, "Why did you moan?" the strap kept coming down.
"Owww, because I don't like the strap! IT HURTS!"
This seemed to be a satisfying answer, as he stopped asking questions. "Today, I'm going to give you 75 on each and then we'll be done."
I didn't say anything, but by the third or fourth of the first 75, my hand had made it's way back to protect my poor butt.
"Move your hands, babe."
I did, but they didn't stay in front of me for long.
"Move them!"
"I'm sorry," I whimpered, moving them back in front of me. I tried my hardest to keep them in front of me, but the damn strap hurt SO bad today! My body wriggled and twisted to escape the blows, and J was getting frustrated.
"Stop moving," he warned me.
"I can't help it," I whispered. "I'm sorry," and I was. I really wasn't trying to move around so much, but my body had a mind of its own. I felt J's arm go around my waist and he lifted me up back into position, and held me there tightly while he delivered the rest of the first set.
The next 75 started on the other side and they came down fast.
I did better staying still with these ones, but not much better. He didn't have to hold me in place, which I considered a good thing. My hands came back a few times. He warned me that he was going to hit them, and that was the last time they went back. I know at one point I said, "I can't," which wasn't true. It may have felt like it at the time, but I certainly was well within my boundaries. Not sure why today was so rough.
Afterward, he put the strap away and called me to him. He held me close to my body and asked if that was a good start up to the dailys. I told him it was. He pointed out that I'd resisted a lot, and I apologized. It was unintentional. I told him it hurt a lot, and he reminded me that was the point.
We went back to the living room to spend the last 45 minutes together before he had to leave for work. I laid with my head in his lap and we talked. I asked, "Do you think maybe I'm just sore from the other nights spanking and thats why it hurt so much today?"
"The other night wasn't very hard," he told me matter-of-factly.
"Yes it was!" I insisted. "You used the loopy, and I was crying way before that..."
"I didn't use it for very long," he pointed out. "Maybe you're just sensitive today."
I nodded.
"Tomorrow, it's going to be something different." he told me. When I looked up at him, he asked if that made me nervous.
I shrugged.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because I trust you." I answered, and it came from a place that I didn't know existed to the extent that it does. Usually, I would be nervous. However, I trust J to do what he feels is best, and I know that he'd never go beyond what I could handle.
"Even if I told you it's something you don't like?"
Normally, my insides would churn at this. I'd imagine the worst. Instead, I shrugged again.
"You still trust me?" he asked, and I nodded.
I pointed out that it was Saturday, and suggested that a morning spanking wouldn't be necessary since we'd be having maintenance. He agreed.
"You're still getting your big one tomorrow night, though."
Sitting on a still sore bottom, I'm thinking tomorrow isn't going to be pleasant. I looked at my butt after J left for work, and have a semi-circle bruise on my right thigh from the end of the strap. Ouchie. You can bet I did everything I was supposed to do today!
I'm glad, however, that J decided to go along with the daily spankings. I'm hoping that as well as helping me stay level headed and relaxed, they will help him be even more comfortable in his role. He's been doing an excellent job, and I hope that he can see that the way I do. I'm so very lucky to have him!
He texted me back, saying, So you want one every day?
My stomach twisted in knots. I did want them, so why was it so hard to admit that? I replied with would you mind? Its obviously up to you how you decide to do it, but it doesnt need to be anything particularly long or hard. Idk what it is lately, but I've been feeling like I need them more often.
I'll see what I can do.
I thanked him up and down for being so understanding, and not thinking I'm crazy (though I'm sure he still does, he just would never admit it to me). He of course brushed it off, and told me he loved me.
Later, when he got home, he held me and kissed my head, and told me that we'd be having them in the mornings when we get up. I agreed, and the subject was dropped.
When I woke up, of course it was the first thing on my mind. I was a little nervous, because I had no idea what he was planning to do for these daily spankings.
It was almost noon when we woke up, and J went to the grocery store to grab some food that he could make quickly for lunch and have enough left over to bring to work. When he got back, I asked about the spanking and he said since we got up late, I'd get it after lunch.
We ate together, and then he made a plate up for work, and I put the rest of the leftovers in a tupperware container and stuck it in the fridge. As I was putting the pot in the sink, J came up behind me.
"Let's go," he said firmly.
I was filling the pot with soap and water so it could soak for a little bit, and I nodded. "One minute,"
J stood beside me as it filled, then reached out and shut the water off. "Come on."
Darn. No such thing as stalling today! I followed him into the bedroom, where he'd taken out the strap. I groaned.
"What?" he asked, as I climbed up onto the love seat.
"Nothing," I said quietly.
He smacked me with the strap. "What did you say?" he asked, yanking my sweat pants down.
"I didn't say anything!" I cried, as the strap caught the bottom of my left cheek.
"You moaned something," he said firmly, bringing the strap down again.
"Ow! I just moaned, I didn't say anything in particular..."
He gave me a few more before asking, "Why did you moan?" the strap kept coming down.
"Owww, because I don't like the strap! IT HURTS!"
This seemed to be a satisfying answer, as he stopped asking questions. "Today, I'm going to give you 75 on each and then we'll be done."
I didn't say anything, but by the third or fourth of the first 75, my hand had made it's way back to protect my poor butt.
"Move your hands, babe."
I did, but they didn't stay in front of me for long.
"Move them!"
"I'm sorry," I whimpered, moving them back in front of me. I tried my hardest to keep them in front of me, but the damn strap hurt SO bad today! My body wriggled and twisted to escape the blows, and J was getting frustrated.
"Stop moving," he warned me.
"I can't help it," I whispered. "I'm sorry," and I was. I really wasn't trying to move around so much, but my body had a mind of its own. I felt J's arm go around my waist and he lifted me up back into position, and held me there tightly while he delivered the rest of the first set.
The next 75 started on the other side and they came down fast.
I did better staying still with these ones, but not much better. He didn't have to hold me in place, which I considered a good thing. My hands came back a few times. He warned me that he was going to hit them, and that was the last time they went back. I know at one point I said, "I can't," which wasn't true. It may have felt like it at the time, but I certainly was well within my boundaries. Not sure why today was so rough.
Afterward, he put the strap away and called me to him. He held me close to my body and asked if that was a good start up to the dailys. I told him it was. He pointed out that I'd resisted a lot, and I apologized. It was unintentional. I told him it hurt a lot, and he reminded me that was the point.
We went back to the living room to spend the last 45 minutes together before he had to leave for work. I laid with my head in his lap and we talked. I asked, "Do you think maybe I'm just sore from the other nights spanking and thats why it hurt so much today?"
"The other night wasn't very hard," he told me matter-of-factly.
"Yes it was!" I insisted. "You used the loopy, and I was crying way before that..."
"I didn't use it for very long," he pointed out. "Maybe you're just sensitive today."
I nodded.
"Tomorrow, it's going to be something different." he told me. When I looked up at him, he asked if that made me nervous.
I shrugged.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because I trust you." I answered, and it came from a place that I didn't know existed to the extent that it does. Usually, I would be nervous. However, I trust J to do what he feels is best, and I know that he'd never go beyond what I could handle.
"Even if I told you it's something you don't like?"
Normally, my insides would churn at this. I'd imagine the worst. Instead, I shrugged again.
"You still trust me?" he asked, and I nodded.
I pointed out that it was Saturday, and suggested that a morning spanking wouldn't be necessary since we'd be having maintenance. He agreed.
"You're still getting your big one tomorrow night, though."
Sitting on a still sore bottom, I'm thinking tomorrow isn't going to be pleasant. I looked at my butt after J left for work, and have a semi-circle bruise on my right thigh from the end of the strap. Ouchie. You can bet I did everything I was supposed to do today!
I'm glad, however, that J decided to go along with the daily spankings. I'm hoping that as well as helping me stay level headed and relaxed, they will help him be even more comfortable in his role. He's been doing an excellent job, and I hope that he can see that the way I do. I'm so very lucky to have him!
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