Progress ...

    First, and most exciting, J is working days this week :) I love when he works first shift! AND, he had a holiday Monday, has the day off tomorrow for an ultrasound, and has a holiday Friday. So he only has to work two days, and the other three are still paid! Woo hoo! Gotta love a week like this.
    That being said, last night was kind of a rough one. I did not get my daily spanking yesterday. I thought he'd give it to me first thing when we woke up, but it didn't happen. Then, I started thinking that maybe he was waiting unil later when we'd have the house to ourselves, since he wasn't working, what was the rush? Nothing all day, either. Not even a hint. We went to dinner, came home, still nothing. By the time bedtime rolled around, I'd pretty much figured he'd forgotten. Despite the fact that my butt was still tender from Sunday night's spanking and I really didn't want one, I was still hurt. I started to feel like the spankings, and I, just didn't matter to him. I felt rejected. He usually admits to me when he almost forgets, and then ALWAYS says that he doesnt forget often, which is true. He really hardly ever forgets when there's supposed to be one. Anyway, while we were laying in bed watching tv, I worked up the courage to say,
   "You forgot today, you know."
    "Forgot what?" and before I could say anything else he continued, "Your spanking? I didn't forget. I'm skipping today because you got bruised last night. You'll have one tomorrow. I don't want your butt to be purple when you finally go into labor..."
    I rolled over, completely unconvinced. I wanted to say a million things but I felt my emotions take over and my eyes were filling with tears. "I think you forgot," I said.
    "No I didn't!" he insisted.
    "You're mad I didnt spank you?" he asked.
    "I'm not mad," my famous line. "You didn't say anything about it,"
    "Why do I have to? I thought it was my choice," he argued.
    There was so much stuff rolling around in my head that I wanted to say but I knew if I did I would just burst into tears, and I didn't think I could handle that right then. So I took a few minutes, sucked it up, and rolled back over to face him. He asked if I was okay, I assured him I was, and we turned the tv off and put music on to fall asleep to. In the dark, it was much easier for me to find the courage to say, "How do you feel about doing maintenance maybe earlier in the day on Saturday, instead of at night?"
    "Why?" he wanted to know.
    "Because it always gets put off," I said quietly.
    "No it doesnt," he countered.
    "Pretty frequently," I amended, waiting for an answer.
    "You don't like skipping a day, huh?" he asked.
    "No, sir."
    "Okay," he agreed. He then joked around a little bit, saying he'd have to stay up real late on Friday night so he could spank me Saturday morning between 2 and 4 AM. I'm almost positive he was kidding about that, but I felt good about letting him know I didn't like skipping maintenance.

    Today while he worked, I wrote him a letter, expressing all the things I'd been thinking the night before. My brain is kinda all over the place lately so I touched on a lot of things. I explained to him that I definitely was not mad that the daily spanking was skipped on monday, that I actually would have welcomed the break if he'd told me we were skipping it. That because he didn't say anything, I thought he forgot, which led me to feel rejected and uncared about. I told him that spankings were very intimate to me and that I looked forward to those times together, so when I think all day that it's going to happen and then it doesnt, I feel hurt. I talked about a lot of other things that I'd sort of bottled up, and it felt wonderful to let it all out. I think I'm making progress! :D


AAAAAAAANNNNNDDDD ... I got another chapter up at stories by a spanko
go read & leave me some comments, pretty please :p