Different Strokes for Different Folks

I have been thinking lately about all the different kinds of spankings that we have in our relationship. They each serve their own purpose, but all lend themselves to the common goal. For me, that's feeling safe, loved and secure in our relationship. For him, thats feeling accomplished in making me happy and meeting my needs, and feeling loved and respected. At least that's what I hope he feels.

There are good girl spankings, when I've done something good that wasn't necessarily expected of me, or when I go above and beyond what I was supposed to, or just when overall I've been good. I love love LOVE good girl spankings. They start out slow and soft, gradually building intensity and pace. There's lots of rubbing, and special touches. Generally, I can take much more during a good girl spanking than I can during a punishment. Afterward I feel warm and connected to my hubby, and always in a touchy feely mood. There is almost always love making after this kind of spanking.

Then there are bad girl or punishment spankings. These, I don't like so much. In fact, the only thing I do like about them is that they clear the air, and assauge my guilt for whatever particular thing I am being punished for. I tend to put up walls during a punishment spanking, and I fight the pain. In order for that wall to be broken down and my feelings met head on, I need to be reached on an emotional/psychological level. I need to be spoken to, to hear why I'm being punished, and to be told that I am expected to do what I am told. It is harder for me to keep position. I wiggle more, my hands come back, my feet come up..I don't mean to, I think subconsciously it's my way of trying to maintain even the smallest shred of control. I need to feel more dominance from J in these situations, than in a good girl spanking because I almost need to be forced to let go of control.

There are maintenance spankings each Saturday (or Sunday depending on our schedules) night. These serve to keep me on track. I need to be spanked fairly regularly, and I get sad and floaty when I'm not. These help with that immensely. We also usually address smaller issues (like being sassy etc) during these spankings if need be. They help remind us both of our roles, and reconnect us after a long week.

We also have spankings that fit into neither of these categories. There's what I call the quickie spanking, a dozen or two or three swats before J goes to work. He often tells me they're so I'll remember. Sometimes it's so I'll remember to be good, or do something I'm asked. Sometimes it's to remember how much he loves me. These are my absolutely favorite spankings. They leave my bottom stinging but not sore, and I feel warm and glowy for quite some time after he leaves. I feel clear headed and balanced, and more motivated to do things throughout the day/night while he's gone. It helps me focus. Then we have spankings when I am stressed out, overwhelmed, or sad. These particular emotions tend to be heavier at times than I can handle, and the longer they go unchecked, the stronger of a hold they have on me. I get swept away and I need to be spanked to pull me back out of the swirling tornado. We don't have a name for these spankings, but both of us are getting better at identifying when they are needed. They tend to be more intense and often more severe than a punishment spanking, but they have a significantly different atmosphere to them. It is a safe place for me to face these emotions, to handle them without fearing that they will over power me, knowing that J is there and that we will deal with them together. I can allow myself to deal with it and move on, to let go.

After every spanking, whether it be a good girl, a punishment, or a stress relief, J always holds me and tells me he loves me. Often he'll rub lotion on if it was a particularly hard spanking, or if I ask him to. Even after a quickie spanking I'll get a kiss and the reaffirmation that I am loved.



I realize that just as every relationship is different, TTWD has a different meaning in each relationship. It is molded and reformed to fit the needs of the people involved. Some couples only have discipline spankings. Some only have fun ones, and others yet have more types than I have mentioned here. Thats what makes it special, I think. Each dynamic is different and works for all of us in different ways, but underneath, were all the same.