I want to start by saying I am pretty pleased with the way things have been going. I was afraid that without me reminding him, he would just let DD fall by the wayside, but he hasn't. It feels like he is slowly taking more control, maybe just taking his time to find what works for him and us. I hope that someday, he will see the benefits this has not only for me, but for him and our relationship as a whole. I know that right now, it's all for me; smoke and mirrors.
The last time I posted, I wrote about maintenance and how there was supposed to be a second part. J tried to follow through monday night but literally as he was telling me to get over the pillow, the baby woke up. He tried hard to stay awake, but he just couldn't do it. We finished up last night instead, with a hairbrush spanking. It hurt, and my bottom was definitely sore when he finished.
Here lies my problem. I need a hard spanking. Okay, maybe hard isn't the right word. Let's use "thorough" instead. I have felt it for weeks now, the tugging feeling beneath my skin like I'm slowly being swallowed from the inside out. Time and time again, I have wanted to tell J that I need a serious spanking, but each time convinced myself not to say anything, because I don't want to discourage him. He is doing such a great job and I don't want him to think I'm ungrateful or something. I am having a hard time figuring out why I need such a big time spanking, because usually I only feel like this when I am very sad or overwhelmed. I think part of it is that I miss J. He's been so busy with work and projects at the house, lately. Between him being preoccupied with that, and me always with the baby .. I feel like we never see each other. At times when I am overhwelmed and have a lot on my mind, this feels like he doesn't care about me, doesnt have time for me. I know thats not true, but it's how I feel sometimes. Some days, it feels like we're on different planets, even though we're sitting right next to each other. I want him to reach up to my planet and pull me back down to him, where I belong. I want him to break down the walls that I put up, the ones that are meant to protect me from the rest of the worlds bullshit, but hold me tightly within while they keep everything else out. For him to bare me, both literally and figuratively, strip me down til there's nothing left but the core of my being. When I'm in that place, then I can see that he is in control, he's going to take care of me. I can see that he's paying attention, and he won't let me get swallowed by everyday life. He will always save me, catch me every time I fall. Those kind of spankings recenter me, reconnect us. I feel closer to him when I'm sniffling into his chest with a hot bottom than I do most any other time. SO ... where does that leave me? I promised myself (and J) that I was going to back off and let him take control. Does that mean I shouldn't ask for a spanking when I need one? Am I supposed to wait, now, for J to recognize that I need to be rescued, or can I call for help?
I don't know what to do! I hate feeling so needy and pathetic.Blech. I hope someone has some good advice for me, because I definitely don't want to be overstepping any freshly drawn lines...but I need a spanking! HELP!!
I don't know that I have the answer, but it just seems to me that discussing (not telling) WITH him (not AT him) is always a good idea. He cannot possibly know what you need or want or desire if you don't let him know. Life sometimes gets in the way, but maybe you can find a time (not immediately before, during or after a spanking to let him know what you are thinking). I sometimes approach it as "Honey, I need your help...I feel (fill in the blank). I think you could help me by (fill in the blank)." I've also found going slowly with one or two suggestions rather than a whole list is easier to negotiate.
ReplyDeleteLike I said, I don't claim to know anything, but it seems like clear and open communication is always a welcome thing.. Good luck!
I know exactly how you feel - i have been feeling the same way for a couple of weeks now. I blogged about it last week. Its true, life does get in the way of TTWD sometimes and its frustrating, we want them to take control and not have to remind them or ask them but on the other hand they are not mind readers.
ReplyDeleteMy dilema is i dont want hubby to think this is all i think about. ITs not, but when you feel a desparate need for a spanking not because you have been bad but because you feel out of kilter, off balance and need to reconnect - it is all you think about.
I dont really have an answer for you, sometimes I manage to find the words to ask other times i just let it slide and eventually I get that spanking.
I just wanted you to know you are not alone - i go through the same thing as well. The spanking makes me feel so secure and safe and when im struggling its what i need.
Oh to be able to say those words to him.
K's sweetie has some really good advice - open honest communication and going slowly. That is what i would bank on.
Good luck - let us know how you get on
love and hugs xxx
Don't just communicate, but also build him up with your words and your respect and your admiration for what he does in your relationship. Write him a note telling him what you love, how he makes you happy, and what you still need.
ReplyDeleteHeather
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog for a little while now, and I wanted to say hello.
This post touched my heart because I have so many similar feelings. Gosh, you said everything right in this post that Jay needs to know. Does he ever read your blog. All he needs to know is right here. I know many HoHs want us to just TELL them how we feel, but its so hard to do. Writting often helps us to sort our feelings out.
Take a leap here, if he doesn't or wont read your blog, then copy the post into an email, send it to him. Or just send him the link to your post. Hey, I have the same issues going on, and I certianly don't have the answers. I just wanted to say you are feeling the way most of us feel at one time or another. It will pass and Jay will come through for you it just takes so much time and patience. The serenity prayer is definatly the words to live by for us all. Most of us know the first part, but the rest of the prayer is so profound. Ofcourse this prayer is to God, but read the words, and apply them to your marriage dynamic, it really fits.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr--
I wish you well.
newbie
I would tell him how you feel, not what to do. There is a difference.
ReplyDeleteExplain that you understand that there is no way he can understand what your spankings feel like unless you tell him so you want to share that when he does X it leaves you feeling Y, which has been just what you needed in the beginning. Explain carefully, softly, that you have been recently thinking that maybe of he tried Z it would perhaps get you to A...and if he ever wants to try that, you'd like to. Be careful to repeat, "I am not telling you what to do, but I know you do want to know how I feel, and can't read my mind! Whenever you think it is the right time, I am ready to take this to the next level."
It implies that he has not done anything wrong, but that there is a next step. Then leave it alone and let him take it from there. Sara
Heather, thanks for sharing. I wish I could offer advice, but you're further along in your journey than I am in mine. Sounds like everyone else is giving excellent advice, though. Good luck!!
ReplyDeletelovely post Heather....I'm glad that he's trying
ReplyDelete