The Four D's

     So last night, J and I are watching tv, my head resting on his shoulder, when he suddenly says, "So .. what are the four d's?"
     I swear, I thought my heart stopped! I felt like my face was on fire, and I could barely speak. "Uh, what?" I stammered.
     "What are the four d's?" he repeated.
     Holy cow. I was not prepared for this! We couldn't have this conversation now!! "Babe," I half-giggled, half gasped.
     "What? What are they, just tell me."
     "It's hard!" I admitted. As I rattled them off in my head, I got even more embarassed. I was supposed to say the word disobedience out loud? To him? Oh my God. My face burned even hotter. "Can I write them down?" I was seriously flustered.
     At first he told me no that he just wanted me to tell him, but for some reason I just couldnt. I wrote them down on a piece of paper. When I finished, I started to fold it up (I know, I know, delaying the inevitable but hey...it made me feel better at the time) but he snatched it from my hand and quickly read it. I waited nearly 30 seconds for his reaction, which felt like a lifetime with my heart pounding in my chest like it might break loose.
     "Why does it have to be a 'set thing'? Why can't I just make my own?" he wanted to know. He seemed frustrated.
     I explained that of course, he could just make his own. I had just thought that since the four D's are so broad and kind of cover most everything, they would be a good jump off point. I was still in shock at this point that we were even talking about this. He told me he didnt like the four d's because he felt that they should just be a given, which I agree with to an extent. The only issue being that I don't really know where exactly the line is drawn. I feel like there have been many instances in the past where my behavior would certainly have fallen under one of those d's and it was completely ignored, or made light of. So where do I really stand? After we talked a little bit about the four d's, J told me not to expect him to lay down rules right away. He said he agreed with Bob's comment and that we both have a lot on our plates right now, and I should "Chill." He's right, of course, but I cant help but wish it weren't so busy right now. I want him to want me to be the best me that I can be. I dont want crazy strict rules, in fact, most of the rules I've read about here in blogland I am much happier NOT having, thank you very much (regardless of how much I may need some of them LOL). I am just craving some sort of boundary, I guess. Anyway, I was just glad that he's actually reading! It makes me feel good knowing that J is interested in how I feel and what I'm thinking. He really is so amazing, and so good to me. J, if you're reading right now, thank you! & I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!