update

     I have been very frustrated with blogger lately because I've been trying to comment on posts from my phone, and it hasn't been working. So, you should all know that I'm reading, but blogger is eating my comments :(

     Otherwise, things have been pretty good. J worked the day shift for the week and it was WONDERFUL. I honestly can't tell you enough how much of a difference it makes having him home for dinner and bed, etc. I loved it so much. I was a well spanked, very happy submissive girly this week!!

     I finally got a new story up at spanko stories. You should READ IT :)
     Dont forget to leave a comment and let me know what you think!

The Healthy Submissive (a stolen blurb)

     So, I found this little description of a healthy submissive over at Divine Dreamings and many of the points I could relate to, so I thought I would repost it here for my lovely followers to see as well :)

     I have bolded the points that I felt really described myself.

1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open

 relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming

friendships she makes over the years.

2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses

nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.

3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context

of a sustaining relationship.

4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related.

She is at ease in that place.

5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive

 to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others. - this one is especially

true for me... and I'm much more reactive to J's shifts in emotional

tone than anyone else's, though I am still affected by others around me,

just not as significantly as by J.

6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.

7. The healthy submissive is playful.

8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body,

and its goodness and beauty.

9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.

10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence

and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent

“wrongness” about those needs. - this is one I still have some trouble with.

11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.

12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself “as is” is tolerant of others. But neither will

she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be. - because I know what it feels like

to have a need you can't control and hardly understand, I find myself to be extremely tolerant.

13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her

difficulties as well as her strengths. - while I have a tendency to focus on the

weaknesses rather than the strengths, I do recognize that I have both :)

14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is

almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from

which springs her service.

    


Adult Weekend ;)

a shot at the beach just down the street.

 

     After we dropped the baby off with my mother in law, we headed for the coast. We vacation in the same area every summer and it is our favorite place to be. Since it's the off season, we even got a really great deal on a cute little cottage for two nights.

      When we arrived, we sat down to have a drink (a beer for J and a glass of White Zinfandel for me) on the sleigh style day bed in the living room. We talked and kissed, and I was giddy with excitement to be alone with him. I found myself giggling quite a bit and everything just felt light and easy. It was so nice. Then we headed to the store to grab some sheets for the bed since we didn't bring any. I had bought a new dress to wear to dinner one night out, and I forgot the sweater I was planning to wear with it at home, so J offered to take me somewhere to find a sweater to wear with my new dress. He didn't know what the dress looked like (I wanted it to be a surprise) but he helped me look for something when I described what type of sweater I was looking for. On top of the sweater, he insisted on buying me a shirt we both thought was cute, and a sweater dress that was on sale. After, we went to dinner at an amazing restaurant (recommended by Riley from Vanilla Extract ... THANK YOU!), and headed back to the cottage for some alone time. We sat down and watched tv in the living room, and I had some more wine.

     Whenever we're together alone, J's hands are usually all over me, and this was no exception. He was playing with my nipples, pinching and twisting them, and he said, "Did you bring the nipple clamps?"

     I nodded. Little did I know that simple question would be leading me to some new experiences. 

     "You have forty seconds. Go get them," he told me, and started counting.

     I took off running, and made it back just after he said twelve. I sat down beside him on the day bed and he told me I could put them on myself. Normally I don't have a problem with this, but for some reason this time I was having a lot of trouble.

     He took them from me and put the first one on my left nipple. As the clamp closed, a whoosh of air escaped my lungs followed by a soft moan. He had to attach the right one twice, as it fell off the first time .. so of course the second time, he made it tighter. Then he tugged on the chain, and told me to stand up. Once I did that, he told me to follow him, and paraded me around the little  cottage by my nipples. At one point, the right clamp fell off again. Instead of reattaching it, he just led me around by the left one. After looping the cottage once, he led me back to the day bed where he told me I could remove the remaining clamp for now.

     I did, and held my breasts in my hands, massaging them. I was sort of lost in thought at that moment, reveling in what just happened. He's never done anything like that before (leading me around) and I was feeling very submissive, and slightly objectified. My head was spinning with it.
     He reached over and grabbed a nipple, eliciting a squeal from me as he rolled it between his fingers. His other hand pushed my legs apart, and upon discovering I still had underwear on, ordered me to take them off. He had me lay back down, and made me hold my legs open for him. He alternated between lovingly stroking and caressing me all over, and slapping tender parts of my body. He brought me to one of the bedrooms, and bent me over the bed.
     I'm a lot shorter than J, and normally this position doesn't work well for us, so I usually kneel on our bed to give me the extra height I need. We tried to do this but the bed was taller than ours is so the height was off again.
     He didn't want to wait any longer and he flipped me onto my back, pulled me almost halfway off the bed and held my legs up so he could have his way with me.
     It was intense and I had to consciously work to keep from falling off the bed.
     After, we laid naked in bed together and I sipped my wine while we cuddled and talked. It felt weird not looking in on the baby or listening for his cry but it was kind of nice to not have those responsibilities, and be able to just focus on each other.

     Before we left for our weekend away, I joked that I was most excited to sleep in, but I still woke up at 7:15 and couldn't get back to sleep for the life of me. I just laid beside him and watched him while he slept. It's been a long time since I've done that.
     When he woke up, we went to breakfast and then headed to the beach. We walked for a little while in the sand, watching the cold water crash against the shore.
     There is something just so calming and beautiful about the ocean. I could stare at it for days, and my awe wouldn't fade in the least. I just love it. After a while, though, we got cold and decided to go back to the cottage and eat lunch. There was more cuddling and touching, and plenty of laughing.
     I hadn't gotten my maintenance spanking the night before, and I was really wanting to be spanked. I looked at J, and somehow he just knew what I was thinking.
    "Do you want your spanking now?" he asked.
     I nodded.

all (minus a smaller hairbrush, and a
long paddle) of our implements.

     He led me into the same bedroom we'd made love in the night before (not the one we slept in), and left me standing at the end of one of the two twin beds. "Where's the blindfold?" he wanted to know, unzipping the small travel bag that held our implements.
     "It's in the outside pocket," I replied softly.
     Moments later, he was putting it over my eyes, securing it behind my head. "We're going to play a game," he told me as he pushed firmly on my back, bending me over. He told me I could lay on the bed, which was a small relief for me.
     I thought I knew what he had in mind, but of course he had to throw a curveball. You just cant have your girl expecting what's going to happen, right? He told me that we were going to play two rounds of the game this time, one with my pants on and one without. Shit. "Two rounds?" I squeaked.
     "Yes." he replied. He went through all the implements (well, I may have forgotten a few .. accidentally, honest!) .. twice. Just like he said, first over my pants and then on my bare bottom.
     I cried several times, and he was surprised at the end when he removed my blindfold and saw the smeared makeup on my face.
     "You cried?"
     I nodded. "You couldn't tell I was crying?" I was surprised because he's usually very in tune with me.
     He shook his head. "I mean, I knew you were whimpering but I didn't think there were tears involved."
     I went to check my butt out in the mirror and he found me doing just that a few minutes later, soothing lotion in hand.
     We had a movie to catch so after he rubbed the lotion in, we headed for the theatre. We saw The Vow. It was very good, but incredibly sad. I was teary-eyed most of the movie, but J held my hand and kissed my cheeks and whispered that he loved me. He was very sweet, and afterward even admitted to liking the movie!
    By the time we got back to the cottage, I was very excited because I finally got to wear my dress to dinner. I'd wanted to wear it our first night, but it was freezing rain and J had told me to wait until the next night. I also had purchased a new pair of earrings and a clip in bow for my freshly cut hair. I showered, and locked myself in the bedroom to get ready. I assembled my outfit and applied my makeup very carefully, wanting to look my absolute cutest for him. When I finished getting ready, I opened the door and walked out to the living room where he was waiting for me. His response was just what I'd hoped for, and I was happy that he was happy. We went to dinner, and on the way home, stopped off for a drink. There ended up being a band playing, and we sat across a small table from each other, holding hands and listening to the music. It was so nice! I love live music.
     Eventually we headed back, intending to fully enjoy our last night alone together. As we wrestled playfully on the day bed, he noticed that the back of my tights had a run in them- they must have caught on the chair I was sitting in at dinner. I guess since they were already ruined he decided to have some fun with it, so he grabbed my leg and tore a large hole in the tights. He made several holes on my legs, and then pulled me over his lap. He started spanking, and then ripped open the back of them, baring my bottom to him. The swats were firm but the spanking itself was short and when he let me up, we quickly moved on to steamier activities.
     He made me answer questions about what I liked, and he even made me list a few things I liked while he did magical things with his fingers.
     It was sort of embarassing but deliciously so.

     He used his belt on my sore ass, and teased me some more before taking me in the living room, so he could bend me over the day bed like he'd been talking about all weekend. He took me hard and fast and it was awesome to be able to be as loud as I liked without worrying about anyone hearing or waking the baby.

     There was more cuddling and whispered love words. Coming down from the after glow, we talked about the weekend we'd had together, and how amazing it was. Neither of us tried to pretend that we didn't miss our son (this was our FIRST time spending more than one night away from him, and more than 20 min away!) but we both agreed it was wonderful to get away together. In the morning, we woke up, packed all our things into the car, and after a quick spanking, our "adult weekend" came to a close. We headed home and picked up baby boy from grammy's on the way. It felt so good to hold him! As much as I love being mommy to my little boy, and having him around, I can't say I don't look forward to the next time we get to enjoy an Adult Weekend together!

Get away

We are on our way to a cottage we've rented for the next two days. The baby is with J's mom, so the weekend is ours to enjoy each other :)

I was instructed to pack all our implements and other toys. Yay for fun spanky weekends!!

Chipped Polish and Submission

     As many of you know, Saturday is our maintenance day. I hate having to wait until the end of the day, and quite often the spanking ends up being put off to another day if it gets left til right before bed. SO, this past Saturday, during the baby's afternoon nap, I asked if we could get maintenance done early.

     He had me lay on my tummy, and he spanked me with his hand over my jeans. After a bit, he told me to get the loopy.
     I think I must have stared at him for a good minute with my mouth wide open in shock before I said anything. "The loopy?" I asked, my heart skipping a beat. I did not want the loopy.
     "Yes. Get it." he insisted.

     I pouted, and felt the frustration welling up inside. "I don't want to!" I cried, not budging an inch.



the dreaded loopy



     "You can keep your jeans on. But you need to get up and get the loopy now."

     I still didn't want to. I knew how bad it was going to hurt. I really freaking hate that thing!

     He gave me a real serious look. "You need to submit." he told me softly. "You don't want me to have to go to that drawer."

     With that, I jumped up and stomped across the room to the drawer. Tears stung my eyes already, as I reached into the drawer and pulled the evil implement out of it's dark hiding place. I dragged my feet all the way back.

     When I got close, he took me by the arm and moved me closer to the bed. He must have seen my apprehension, because he whispered softly, "You're not in trouble, baby. It's going to be okay." I told him once that being spanked with the loopy makes me feel like I'm in trouble, and I appreciated that he remembered that and assured me that wasn't the case. He bent me over, pressing me down by the small of my back until my hands were lying flat against the mattress. He started slow.

     Honestly, at first I couldn't even feel it, but the tears still flowed. I think I was just overwhelmed at having to submit to this implement that I really had no desire to experience. I didn't want to, but it was clear the choice was not mine to make, and that in itself was powerful.

     After only a moment, though, he ramped it up and I was squirming and begging for him to stop. He couldn't believe that even through my jeans it was that intense for me. He finished up fairly quickly, then held me until my crying subsided and I'd calmed down. He asked if that was what I needed, and I shook my head.

     Maybe I needed a spanking, but the loopy?! Sheesh! I looked at my bottom afterwards and it was bright pink, and there were welts, even through pants!!

     This morning, we were laying in bed together. We had been playing for awhile (the baby took a great nap this morning) and he looked at me and out of the blue said, "Fix your nails today."
     It took me by surprise, but I quickly nodded and replied, "Yes sir."
     "They're chipped and you barely have any paint on them." he told me. When I asked what he wanted me to do with them, he said he wanted them the same as they had been before, just fresh. He wanted me to put several top coats on so it would last.

     While both of these scenarios are very different from each other, they both made me feel the same way. Very submissive. The first scene had such an effect on me (I think) because 1. we dont use the loopy often, and 2. the loopy causes me to enter a certain mindset. It was especially powerful having to submit to this hated implement in a situation where I wouldn't expect it to be used-normally it's reserved for punishments ONLY. The second situation made me feel warm and fuzzy and extra submissive, particularly because he doesn't normally make a point of telling me what to do at all, never mind cosmetically. While I was removing the left-over polish, and re-painting my nails, I thought of him. I smiled, knowing that he'd given me these specific instructions because it was something he liked. I enjoyed painting them for him, knowing that he would be pleased each time he caught sight of my fingers, sporting the polish he picked.

after: fresh silver polish with black crackle
polish on top. three top coats :)

before: sad, chipped polish

Getting My Mind Right

     From time to time, I need to feel J's dominance (or, I need to feel my own submission, if you want to look at it that way) in ways and times other than just before, during or after a spanking. Once I recognized this need, I began thinking about and reading about different submission exercises and their uses.
     After talking about it with J, we decided to put a white board into use for communication of tasks. This made more sense for us when I was working because he would write a task or two on the board for me to come home to, but even now that I'm home again full time it's useful. He'll sneak into the room when I'm busy with something else and write on the board, or he'll write it before he goes to bed if I'm already sleeping. Sometimes the task is something that needs to be done around the house, other times it's something sexual, sometimes it's neither. Usually I have the whole day to complete them, but for certain things he sets a time frame.
     I really love the task board, and the whole concept/use of tasks in general. It helps me reconnect with my submissive side because I'm doing things that he specifically requested of me. I have to get in the right mind frame to complete the tasks, and afterwards we are both left feeling rewarded: I have served/pleased him and am now feeling submissive and content, he has had something done that he wanted done and he has a happy wife. 
     He will occasionally have me stop whatever I'm doing and just snuggle with him. While this doesn't seem like it would be an exercise in submission, he often does it when I'm paying full attention to something else. Sometimes I feel annoyed when he won't let me finish what I'm doing, but I quickly remember the point of it, which is to refocus my attention back to him. Sometimes he will text me when he is at work and tell me to do something. Usually these tasks are sexual related, i.e. send him a picture of something specific, touch myself and inform him when I finish, describe a fantasy etc.

     I really love when J implements submission exercises. I love submitting to him on all different levels, but it's somehow even more thrilling for me to submit to him in a non-sexual context. I feel so adored and taken care of and watched over. I am hoping that in the future, submission exercises will continue to play a part and maybe grow to play a bigger part in our relationship. I find myself wondering recently about the use of submission exercises in addition to a spanking in certain circumstances.
     I know that when I am not in the right head space before a spanking begins, it is much harder for me to submit. If I haven't been spanked in a long time (really spanked, to tears...), and we haven't been using submission exercies, I am most likely not connected to my inner submissive. There is a good chance she's been locked inside a wooden box and tucked into a dark corner somewhere in a feeble attempt to dispose of her. No matter how much I know deep down that I need to be spanked, my brain is going to be trying to convince me to get away, flee at all costs. I'm not going to be aware that I want or need it. I'm probably going to fight it. And if I know it's coming, I'll probably be cranky and bratty up until it's time for it to be taken care of. I'm not sure why this is, but I am sure that it indeed is.
     Anyway, I've thought that it might be helpful to practice some submission exercises before a spanking, to get my mind in the place it needs to be to submit properly. I've thought about ways that might effectively get me there, and so far I've come up with these: (I've stuck to non-sexual ones for the sake of the DD dynamic but we use several other exercises with strong sexual overtones at times)

• have me go to the room a little while before him to get ready. for example, put on something specific he'd like me to wear, assume a certain position, get out a certain implement etc
• sit down and write something about the reason for the spanking. if it's maintenance, write about the importance of remembering and honoring our roles, if it's for punishment, write the reason for the spanking and why the behavior can't/isn't be tolerated.
• kneel in front of him while he asks me questions and talks about our dynamic
• corner time

     Not an extremely impressive list, and I'm sure theres plenty more I cant think of at the moment (if theres any you practice that I didnt list, please feel free to leave them in the comments!). I think using one or several of these or other submission exercises could be beneficial to getting my mind right, should I be in a place emotionally or mentally where I'm not submitting fully or properly.

Exhibitionism

     I think perhaps maybe I'm developing a hint of exhibitionism. Probably a month and a half ago, I got spanked. Big surprise, huh? Anyway, J was telling me that my bottom was super red and no matter how I twisted, I just couldn't see it. How frustrating that is for a little spanko girl who really wants to see what her freshly spanked backside looks like. So I used my phone to take a picture, so I could see without throwing my back out in the process.
     As soon as I reviewed the picture, I fell in love with it. You could see my glowing red bum, and in the background, I had accidentally caught J sitting on the bed in front of me. Immediately, I asked if I could post it. Neither of our faces were showing, and something about the picture was just ... awesome to me. I just had to share it, and I knew J would feel the same way.
     Except he didn't. He was adamant that I was not to share the picture. He didn't want my bottom on the internet for people to see.
     Of course, I understood his point. But I was a tad disappointed, too. I don't know why, but I really wanted to share this picture. Even after he told me that I couldn't post it, I continued to look at and admire the picture. I would giggle to myself because he looks so menacing in the background.
     A few days ago, I was looking at the picture again and smiling. He came up behind me and kissed the side of my head. He told me that if I wanted to post it, I could. He was okay with it. :D !
     So, here it is.

<3