Catch Up - a quick update.

     I'm a little late back, but I hope everyone had a great holiday. Ours was lovely .. it was our son's first Christmas, and he was one spoiled little man come Christmas morning! He had a blast tearing the paper off gifts all day, and he even got to eat some ham at Christmas breakfast at my dad's. I was one of the lucky ones who made it through the Holidays without a punishment, thanks mostly to J being very understanding about my stress level. Had he been a less patient man, I probably would have gotten my butt beat.
      After a week and a half of being off work and home with my boys, it was extemely difficult to return to work. I cried that morning before leaving home. Some days it is still hard for me to get myself out of the house, all I want to do is stay home and take care of them. It's an odd feeling, really, because I do love my job, but I dread having to go!
     My sister is home on break from school, and in two weeks is leaving for Italy for the semester. I am so happy and excited for her, because I know what an amazing experience she's going to have, but at the same time I am a little sad. I'm not going to see my sister for the next four months. She's going to be gone until my baby's first birthday! We are very close, and it's going to be hard for me to be that far from her for so long.
     I dont know why I haven't been inspired to write lately. It's not that nothing is happening, because it is. Sometimes, I'll come up with a post in my head, it will sound really good, and then I'll hop on the computer to type it out and I totally blank. Either that or it ends up sounding stupid or not at all like I intended it to. It's been quite frustrating, so I thought about writing some fiction .. it turns out, that's not so easy for me right now either. Maybe it's all the other "little" things I've got floating around in my head that are taking up too much space. All I know is, I don't like it, and I hope it ends soon!!

     I'm hosting a sex toy party on Friday, and I'm hoping that people actually show up! I invited quite a few people, through an event page on facebook, but only a couple people have RSVP'd so far. At any rate, at least after that I'll have something to write  about! :)

Needing More

     The past week or so I've been down. Just not feeling "right", for no real reason at all. I've had plenty of spankings, some little .. some not so little. They were nice, but when they ended, I was left with that empty, confused feeling. Like, you know you should be happy but you're just .. not. I knew I needed more, but I didn't want to admit it. Didn't want to have to ask.
     Last night, I thought I could get myself spanked without having to actually ask for it. J and I were laying in bed together, my back pressed against his front. I kinda rubbed my booty on him and whispered, "I've been a bad girl."
     To my dismay, he replied, "No, not really..."
     My heart sank. Guys, if you have a spanko/submissive girl and she tells you she's been bad, she wants to be punished! sheesh. So, I rolled over and went to sleep.
     This morning, the baby fell asleep just as J was getting in the shower. I climbed into bed in just a tshirt and undies, and waited for J. When he came in the room, I crawled to the end of the bed and stretched out, leaving my bum exposed. He sat down next to me and started whacking me, pretty hard. Then he'd slow down and just give me love pats, which was frustrating the hell out of me. I really needed a good, hard spanking...and I just wanted him to know what I needed. Totally unfair, but that wasn't even a thought in my mind at the time. I was just feeling lost, and I wanted him to come find me .. to lead me home. I just got up and he stopped spanking me. I withdrew. He tried to ask me what was wrong and I couldn't give him an answer. It sounded so stupid in my head, 'you weren't spanking me hard enough, you weren't serious...' and I certainly couldn't say "I need a spanking."
    Later on, when the baby was having his second nap, he started asking me what I needed.
     I looked at him seriously and said, "I can't say it." I was texting with a friend while he was talking to me.
     "You can tell me." he insisted.
     I shook my head.
     He leaned over to see who I was texting with. He told me to tell her he said Merry Christmas.
     I added "J says Merry Christmas" at the end of the text I was sending in reply.
     She knew that he wanted my attention (she's a dd wife too, after all) and we ended our conversation.
     Even though I really didn't want to, honestly thought I couldn't, he made me tell him what I needed. Not just once, but he made me repeat myself because I 'wasn't speaking loud enough'.
"What do you need?" he'd asked. "Tell me."
     Finally, I whispered, "A spanking."
     "What?" he asked.
     "I just said it!" I cried, feeling my face flush bright red.
     "I didn't hear you, it wasn't loud enough."
     "A spanking," I said, just a little louder.
     "You need a spanking?" he asked, grabbing my bum.
     I nodded, avoiding eye contact. I was so embarassed.
     "What do you want me to use?" he wanted to know.
     I didn't want to choose. I didn't want control over anything. I told him, "Whatever you want to use."
     He went to the drawer, and picked out the five fingered strap and the naughty spatula. He sat in his computer chair, and motioned for me to come to him. At my whimpered protests, he shook his head and repeated himself, more firmly.
     The spanking started over his knee, with the naughty spatula. After a while this postion became harder to hold, and he had me bend over the arm of the loveseat. He continued for a bit with the spatula, then moved on to the five fingered strap.
      I did not take this spanking gracefully. I had to be told many times to move my hands. I cried out, begged him to stop. It hurt, but it wasn't bringing me to the place I needed to be.
     He talked to me, and asked me questions. He made me answer. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he said, "Twenty more of each." He delivered them firmly.
     When he'd finished, I was in that stage just before crying. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but a lot of times before I actually cry, I "dry cry"...which means I'm basically crying, but there are no tears. I haven't fully let go. I lifted my head and watched him go to the drawer to put the implements away. I started to get up when I saw him pulling something else out .. the black strap. I whimpered. "Are you serious?"
     He looked at me, very serious indeed. "I think you need more."
     I buried my head, and thought I would cry right then. My butt already hurt and I didn't want any more.
     "Am I wrong?" he asked, bringing the strap down on my sore bum.
     I cried out, kicking my legs.
     He repeated himself, then added, "Answer me."
     "No sir," I answered softly, tears filling my eyes.
     He got down to business then, setting my backside on fire. He told me a couple times to keep my hands out of the way, then eventually pinned them behind my back with one hand while he strapped me. At one point he paused to pull my pants down.
      I started sobbing, and pulled my hand free, covering my burning cheeks.
     Thankfully, he stopped, and walked away to put the strap back. When he came back to me, he pulled me to a standing position and into his strong arms. "I love you baby," he murmured. "Are you okay?"
     "Yes sir, I love you too." I answered quietly through my tears. I cried for a few minutes, and felt much, much better afterward. I curled up on the bed, and he laid down beside me.
     "Was that what you needed?" he asked.
     I nodded. I was slightly embarassed, but I wanted to tell him anything he wanted to know.
     "What was it that did it, the little extra at the end to just set you over?"
     "I guess.."
     He held me, and hugged me, and kissed me. He told me how much he loves me. Then he showed me just how much he loves me. Reminded me that I belong to him, and he to me. It was just the reset that I needed.

EdenCooks : Whopper Cookies

     I'd like to begin this post by saying that I do not bake often. When I do, it's usually pre-mixed packages that all I need to add is water or milk or eggs, you know... so baking cookies from scratch is totally new to me.

      But when I saw this recipe for Whoppers Cookies, I knew I had to make them for a get together we were attending with my father-in-law's family. The night I decided to make them, my sister was at my house, and was going to help me. I had looked over the recipe a bunch of times, continually checking that I had all the necessary ingredients. After I'd taken everything out and put it where I could easily access it, my kitchen had begun to look like a war zone!

     After painstakingly measuring, mixing, and sifting ingredients, the dough was finally ready. I pre-heated the oven and started putting scoops of cookie dough on the cookie sheet, just as the recipe instructs. I put them in the oven, set the timer, and poured a glass of wine. As the delicious scent of warm chocolate filled my home, I swelled with pride. I was so excited that I would have something to bring to my husband's grandmothers' house.





      When I opened the oven half way through the cook time to switch racks, I gasped. I didn't think they looked how cookies should look. My sister suggested we finish cooking them and see how they turned out. Maybe they were supposed to be that way. I followed her advice, but the cookies did not come out right. They were bubbly looking, and I was totally puzzled. I had measured every thing perfectly, I was sure of it! I had checked the ingredients over and over and over, I couldn't have possibly left something out.

     I went back over the recipe, and I realized that when I had made the initial ingredient list, instead of writing baking powder like the recipe calls for, I wrote baking soda. I'm guessing that's why my cookies didn't bake correctly. The upside to all of this is that they still tasted good, if a little brittle. I knew if I brought the cookies to the party like that, my sister in law would have had some snide comment to make about it, and I complained to my sister that now I would have nothing to bring. She suggested crumbling the cookies and layering them with pudding and whipped cream as a desert. I did, and it turned out delicious!

     I'm glad I tried this recipe from the EdenFantasys community club EdenCooks! They have other really yummy sounding recipes, too .. check them out :) Or, if you're looking for a sex toy to spice up your New Year, there's a wide variety there to choose from.

What happens when stress runs high at Christmas time?

Holiday themed spatulas get used for beating butts instead of cooking!

The Girl Who Cried Wolf

     When we first began testing the ttwd waters, I suggested coming up with a safe word. As those who follow me or read often probably know, I was the one to bring this lifestyle to J. He was uncomfortable in the beginning, and I thought that having a safe word would alleviate some pressure on him, knowing that if it was ever too much that I would safe word out.
     He refused the idea. He declared that if I said "no" or "stop" that he would end the spanking and that would be that. He maintained that there was no need for a safe word. At this point, he didn't really get that even when I said "no" or "stop" or whatever else came to mind to get out of a spanking, I needed him to follow through and spank me thoroughly. Of course he did get over that, stopping when I asked him to or said no. But the topic of a safe word did not come up again. He never brought it up, and I didn't feel like we needed to have one.
     Last week sometime, we were in our room and he had me bend over his lap. He was sitting in a computer chair, and the position was pretty awkward for me.
     Actually, awkward is an understatement. It was starting to hurt my back, and I kept saying "No, no more ... stop!" Looking back, I dont know why I didn't just say it's hurting my back, but for some reason that didn't occur to me.
     He didn't stop. He kept spanking me until he was satisfied. When he let me up, I immediately reached back and started massaging the spot on my back that was sore. "Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.
     I assured him that I was, and he told me that I should have told him to stop. "I did," I reminded him. "I said it over and over and over."
     "Well, I thought you were just saying no and stop like you do sometimes. You know, no doesn't always mean no, does it?" he asked.
     I shook my head. "I guess not," I agreed.
     "It's a bit like the boy who called wolf." he related. 
     That's how we came up with it. The safe word that hasn't been called a safe word. Wolf. I can't imagine myself needing to use it, but it's kind of exciting just having it in place. The idea that we could be so consumed by our play and passion that I might have to use it is very arousing. I'm sure I wouldn't feel that way should I need to use it. But the thought is hot.

     Really hot.

Eden loves Bloggers

     Fairly recently, I began participating in the EdenLovesBloggers program offered by EdenFantasys. If you own a blog, post on a regular basis, and have been up and running for over three months, you could qualify to participate in this program.
     I'm sure you've seen product reviews for Eden Fantasys posted on fellow blogs. If you were to become a part of the EdenLovesBloggers program, you could choose to write reviews. You receive one free product a month, and all you have to do is write an honest review on it, with two links back to the EdenFantasys site. There are a wide variety of products to choose from, which means you don't necessarily have to review sex toys. I participated in product reviews, and I can tell ya ... I had a damn good time doin it ;)
     But, never fear, if you're not interested in reviewing products, there are several other options in the EdenLovesBloggers program. You could also write sponsored posts, which means you would be reimbursed via gift card for positive posts about EdenFantasys. There is a HUGE range of topics you could choose from for this ... it's really very flexible and accomodating. You could make money from your blog with banners or text ads. If you're business smart and looking to make a little side money, you could join the Eden Affiliate program, in which you open your own personal store, and make 20% commision on sales. You can sell on or offline.
     If you have any interest in working with EdenFantasys, I would encourage you to visit the EdenLovesBloggers page and fill out the form at the bottom. They are a wonderful company with quality toys AND staff. I am so glad that I was able to become a part of the EdenLovesBloggers program! With money so tight these days, it's hard to justify spending on toys for the bedroom. With this program, we have been able to try new things and enjoy ourselves more, all thanks to EdenFantasys!!



Finally

Yes. It finally happened.

There is a new post at Spanko Stories :)

Yes. You should check it out.