Q&A

I'm a little late to the game here but it's Q&A month in blog land and I'd like to invite all my readers to ask any questions they'd like! You can leave them in a comment, or email them to prettypinkcheeks28@yahoo.com.

I look forward to your questions! :)

Good Day

     I was feeling antsy. You know, that feeling you get when you just want to be put in your place ... you want to feel his dominance. It was frustrating, because the baby hasn't been napping well so we had no time to do anything about it anyway.
     About 20 minutes before J had to go to work, we were all in the living room. J was in his chair, the baby was playing on the floor, and I was sitting by J's feet as we both monitored the baby.
     "Put the gate up in the baby's doorway and meet me in the bedroom." he told me, then walked off to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
     I did as he'd asked, then followed to the room. As soon as I'd closed the door behind me, he grabbed me and used his body to pin me against the wall. I felt his hand close around a handful of hair, then his breath was hot on my ear.
     He was pressed against me, the one hand firmly grasping my hair, his other roaming freely. He slipped it inside my flowy capris, pushing my underwear aside. He relentlessly teased me, until my knees were buckling, and then he stepped back, freeing me. "Get your clothes off," he told me, as he quickly stripped off his own.
     I looked at him, in a haze. "All of them?"
     "Yes,"
     I shed them in a hurry, and he grabbed me, pushing me onto my knees on the end of the bed. He pushed me forward, so I was bent over, and then he was in me. All I could do was gasp and moan as he used me for a quick release before work. There was no concern for whether I would orgasm. This was about him, and that in itself was glorious.
     When he was finished, I collapsed in a breathless, contented heap on the bed and he cleaned up, then redressed for work. He hugged me, and kissed me and told me how very much he loves me.

    
     This morning, I was cranky and frustrated. I was annoyed. Now? Well .. now, I'm a veeeerry happy girl :)

From Hard Times Comes Growth

     We moved, and we survived! It was a hectic weekend, it ended up raining on Saturday so we had to change plans around a bit and move all the furniture Sunday instead. On Saturday I also went to a babyshower, ran some other errands, and we went to an engagement party that night...on top of moving some of the smaller stuff. I had been promised a good girl spanking, and there was supposed to be maintenance. Both got overlooked. When a spanking actually took place, there was a huge miscommunication which led to me feeling very confused and upset about the spanking I'd received. I got extremely upset and then J got confused. I couldn't talk about it that night, and I wrote him the next day, explaining why I had been so upset. I took my time writing it, taking care to be gentle with my words. I praised him and I opened up fully, in a way that I felt was respectful and loving. My intention was not to be critical, but just to help him understand why I was feeling the way I did. I was actually proud of myself when I'd finished. I sat beside him on the couch while he read it, and at one point, I looked over and saw a tear rolling down his cheek.
     WHAT!? I started crying immediately, and laid my head on his chest. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. I felt so awful that sometihng I'd said had made him cry! When I'd tried sooo hard to make it not hurtful.
     He didn't say anything. Now, if you knew my husband in real life, you would understand why this was so confusing and a bit heart wrenching for me. He never has nothing to say. He sat there in silence, with my head on his chest, while the tears rolled down his cheeks. When he realized that I was crying too, he wrapped an arm around me, and we cried together.
     I looked up at him, hoping so hard that he would say something. A million horrible things were rushing through my mind, You're too much work, you're too needy. You're not worth the trouble. Maybe you're asking for something he just cannot give you. He doesn't want this life. He deserves to have a wife who is not so complicated. Finally, I couldn't take the silence any longer and I got up, heading for the bedroom. I realized I hadn't made a bottle for the baby yet (I always make one at night and leave it in the fridge because he wakes up around 5:30 looking for one, and thats just too darn early for me to be fumbling around making it, so I headed to the sink to prepare one. I heard J walk by, and the bathroom door close. He was in bed by the time I came to the bedroom. I climbed into the bed and as soon as I lay down I started crying again. I felt so, so awful, and I wished I hadn't said anything at all.
     He pulled me to him and I cried in his arms, but other than whispering "Shh, its okay sweetie," he still said nothing.
     I drew away from him and curled up on my side of the bed, but I couldn't sleep. I cried and cried and cried. The baby was up most of the night, and I ended up sleeping on the couch in between being up with him.

     The next day I was very fragile. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I felt so upset that J was hurt, and possibly mad at me (he wasn't, but I was worried that he was).
     At one point I told him I wished I hadn't written to him about it, and he told me that it had hurt him, but that it was okay. I shook my head, and told him it wasn't okay, that I didn't want to hurt him. He told me that I'm supposed to tell him how I'm feeling. Our conversation was cut short there but we talked again later. He confessed that he often feels like he doesnt do anything right when it comes to DD. That made me feel horrible, because I try to make a point of telling him how happy and content I am (when I am). He told me he loves me, and that he didn't want it to be dwelled on, and he didn't want to see me upset. We talked about maintenance, and I suggested unscheduling it. He was all for it, for a few reasons. I think it will be good for us .

     We are good now. Better than good. We're back to ourselves, and that's great.
     This morning, I sent him a text (he's working the day shift today) saying this is your decision. how do you want this to work? am I supposed to tell you when I'm starting to feel out of control, or are you going to give me maintenance when you feel like it's necessary?
     Both. Sometimes I can tell when you need it, but other times I cant.
     Here's where I maybe might have lost my sanity for just a minute. Okay. ps. I will most likely deny telling you this if you bring it up but if you think I need one, and I tell you that I dont...that usually means I REEAALLY need one, and I'm at a point where I've half convinced myself I'll be fine if I'm never spanked again.
      Sounds like u need one.
      I'm not going to lie. I was a little surprised to see that response, as I wasn't trying to hint at needing one or anything...but when I started to write that I didn't, I realized that he was right. Several times, I started typing a response and I had to erase it and start over. I almost joked about it. I wanted to ask how he knew...what I'd said or done that gave me away. In the end, I settled on yes sir. It was actually really hard for me to do away with the silly banter and jokes, all that stuff that lightens it up and admit that yes, I need a spanking. A few texts later, I told him I love you so much, and the response I got brought tears to my eyes. Not because it was romantic, or sweet (though it WAS those things), but because it was true.
     I live to love you.

     He really does. No matter what happens, or the things that come between us. He loves me, more than anything in the whole world, and wants me to be happy. How lucky am I?

    

Just Explaining

I saw this on Facebook and thought my fellow submissives would enjoy it :)

Busy.

     That's what we were over the weekend. And thats what we're going to be for the next week. Very, very busy. As many of you know, we live with a roommate (J's best friend owns the house and we rent from him). We decided mutually that getting our own place would be best for our family and so we started our search for an apartment a month and a half or so ago.
     Last Saturday we went to look at one, and I immediately fell in love. As soon as we walked in I gushed, "Ooh it's so cute!" We walked through, and J asked the woman showing us around a bunch of questions while I wandered around looking in closets and checking out the bathroom. We told her we wanted to talk about it before making a decision, and within two hours of leaving the apartment, we'd decided it was the one for us!
     I am beyond excited, as is J. I am happy that we will have our own space, and that we will no longer have the stress of cleaning up after another grown person. I look forward to not having to put pants on in the middle of the night to walk to the bathroom!! While I am over the moon about our move, I am slightly stressed about it, too.
     The keys are ours the first of the month, and J plans on moving out by the end of the weekend. That's not very much time to prepare, literally or mentally. I have never moved anywhere, really. When I moved out of my dad's, I just took my clothes and some essentials, I didn't have to pack all my belongings and move them. When J moved from the apartment to the house we're in now, I wasn't technically living with him and while I helped him move small stuff, he'd already had everything packed. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to get done before the weekend, and even though J insists it's not as daunting as it seems, I'm not entirely convinced. I don't do well with change and this is obviously a big one ... we've lived here almost the whole time we've been together.
     During one conversation, I mentioned to J that I was nervous/scared because for the first few months money is going to be even tighter than its been, and he didn't respond favorably.
     He denies getting upset, but I saw him tense. His shoulders squared, his voice changed .. not a lot, but enough for me to notice the difference. He told me he needed me to be confident and strong, which made me feel anything but.
     My eyes welled up but I fought back the tears. I was very frustrated, and felt like he was brushing off my feelings, telling me that I shouldn't feel the way I did. I vented a little to a dd friend I was yahoo chatting with on my phone. I explained what had happened and told her I was frustrated that he wouldn't just let me feel. I knew that she would be able to sympathize with me.
     Which, she did. But after assuring me that I was right to feel frustrated, she pointed out that maybe he thought I was suggesting that I didn't think he could provide for us.
     It made perfect sense. Of course, that wasn't how I'd intended it to sound, but I could definitely see how it could have been taken that way. I started to feel guilty. The last thing in the world I wanted him thinking was that I doubted him.
     He fell asleep early last night, exhausted. He'd told me he'd give me another spanking (I'd asked, even though Saturday's maintenance should have been enough to hold me over for a WHILE! sheesh!), and for a moment, I felt a bit snubbed.
     It's not easy for me to ask for a spanking, you know! If I get the courage to ask for it, and you tell me yes ... please for gosh sake, DO IT! I was fuming in my head. Then I realized how tired he must be, and that I shouldn't be angry that he fell asleep. How could I hold that against him? I reminded myself that he would never blow me off or do something to hurt me. I had been thinking of writing him a letter all day, and it occurred to me that this was the perfect time to do it. Writing it would help get my head and heart on the same page, and in the right place.  
     Just as I was about to get out of bed to do so, he woke up, and told me to go get him the black strap.
     I was a bit taken aback, as I'd just gone through the process of talking myself out of the mindset that I was going to be spanked. I protested. I told him I didn't want to, because he was tired, and he should just go to bed.
     He wasn't buying it. He made me get it, and when I came back with it, he told me exactly where he wanted me, in what position. He used that awful peice of leather on my bare skin, and I was soon regretting asking for another spanking so soon. He didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that I was still sore, even though I told him a bunch of times. He got me good on my sit spots and thighs, and when I begged him to stop, he told me that I would be getting 70 more on each cheek, and if I moved out of position or put my hands back I could expect another 50. That was enough to deter me from doing either and I wrapped my arm around his leg while I endured the rest of the strapping. He held me close afterward, until he fell back to sleep.
     I sat down on the couch with a pen and paper, and wrote him a letter from the bottom of my heart. I told him that I believed in him, and that I knew that he would never let us go without. I promised him that I was confident in him and in us, and that I believe in my heart that this is the best possible move for our family. I also explained (again) that even though it's a positive change, it's still a change .. and that these times are stressul for me because I don't know what's really going to happen. I'm a worrier, and I don't like the unknown. I told him how I need to be able to feel and process my emotions, without being afraid that he's going be angry or upset with me over it. I told him that he's my hero, my best friend, lover .. everything, and how lucky I am to be his. I folded my letter up and drew on the the outside of it with crayon, the words I LOVE YOU, accompanied by a heart. I left it for him on the desk in our room, in front of his easel and paintbrushes.

     At some point when we were both together in our room I said, "Did you read my letter?"
     He nodded, and pulled me into his arms. "Thank you. I will try not to make you feel bad about it, you know that's not what I meant to do before, either, right?"
     "Yes sir. I know you didn't mean it," I whispered.
     He kissed me, and we went on with our day.
     I feel much more at ease about everything. It's going to be okay. We'll get through whatever life throws at us, and we'll do it together.

     Of course, the fact that we are going to be insanely busy this week means less/no blog time for me...I will be back soon! By this time next week, we will be in our new apartment! I can't wait. Have a wonderful week, everyone.

update

     I have been very frustrated with blogger lately because I've been trying to comment on posts from my phone, and it hasn't been working. So, you should all know that I'm reading, but blogger is eating my comments :(

     Otherwise, things have been pretty good. J worked the day shift for the week and it was WONDERFUL. I honestly can't tell you enough how much of a difference it makes having him home for dinner and bed, etc. I loved it so much. I was a well spanked, very happy submissive girly this week!!

     I finally got a new story up at spanko stories. You should READ IT :)
     Dont forget to leave a comment and let me know what you think!

The Healthy Submissive (a stolen blurb)

     So, I found this little description of a healthy submissive over at Divine Dreamings and many of the points I could relate to, so I thought I would repost it here for my lovely followers to see as well :)

     I have bolded the points that I felt really described myself.

1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open

 relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming

friendships she makes over the years.

2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses

nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.

3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context

of a sustaining relationship.

4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related.

She is at ease in that place.

5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive

 to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others. - this one is especially

true for me... and I'm much more reactive to J's shifts in emotional

tone than anyone else's, though I am still affected by others around me,

just not as significantly as by J.

6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.

7. The healthy submissive is playful.

8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body,

and its goodness and beauty.

9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.

10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence

and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent

“wrongness” about those needs. - this is one I still have some trouble with.

11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.

12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself “as is” is tolerant of others. But neither will

she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be. - because I know what it feels like

to have a need you can't control and hardly understand, I find myself to be extremely tolerant.

13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her

difficulties as well as her strengths. - while I have a tendency to focus on the

weaknesses rather than the strengths, I do recognize that I have both :)

14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is

almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from

which springs her service.