Needing More

     The past week or so I've been down. Just not feeling "right", for no real reason at all. I've had plenty of spankings, some little .. some not so little. They were nice, but when they ended, I was left with that empty, confused feeling. Like, you know you should be happy but you're just .. not. I knew I needed more, but I didn't want to admit it. Didn't want to have to ask.
     Last night, I thought I could get myself spanked without having to actually ask for it. J and I were laying in bed together, my back pressed against his front. I kinda rubbed my booty on him and whispered, "I've been a bad girl."
     To my dismay, he replied, "No, not really..."
     My heart sank. Guys, if you have a spanko/submissive girl and she tells you she's been bad, she wants to be punished! sheesh. So, I rolled over and went to sleep.
     This morning, the baby fell asleep just as J was getting in the shower. I climbed into bed in just a tshirt and undies, and waited for J. When he came in the room, I crawled to the end of the bed and stretched out, leaving my bum exposed. He sat down next to me and started whacking me, pretty hard. Then he'd slow down and just give me love pats, which was frustrating the hell out of me. I really needed a good, hard spanking...and I just wanted him to know what I needed. Totally unfair, but that wasn't even a thought in my mind at the time. I was just feeling lost, and I wanted him to come find me .. to lead me home. I just got up and he stopped spanking me. I withdrew. He tried to ask me what was wrong and I couldn't give him an answer. It sounded so stupid in my head, 'you weren't spanking me hard enough, you weren't serious...' and I certainly couldn't say "I need a spanking."
    Later on, when the baby was having his second nap, he started asking me what I needed.
     I looked at him seriously and said, "I can't say it." I was texting with a friend while he was talking to me.
     "You can tell me." he insisted.
     I shook my head.
     He leaned over to see who I was texting with. He told me to tell her he said Merry Christmas.
     I added "J says Merry Christmas" at the end of the text I was sending in reply.
     She knew that he wanted my attention (she's a dd wife too, after all) and we ended our conversation.
     Even though I really didn't want to, honestly thought I couldn't, he made me tell him what I needed. Not just once, but he made me repeat myself because I 'wasn't speaking loud enough'.
"What do you need?" he'd asked. "Tell me."
     Finally, I whispered, "A spanking."
     "What?" he asked.
     "I just said it!" I cried, feeling my face flush bright red.
     "I didn't hear you, it wasn't loud enough."
     "A spanking," I said, just a little louder.
     "You need a spanking?" he asked, grabbing my bum.
     I nodded, avoiding eye contact. I was so embarassed.
     "What do you want me to use?" he wanted to know.
     I didn't want to choose. I didn't want control over anything. I told him, "Whatever you want to use."
     He went to the drawer, and picked out the five fingered strap and the naughty spatula. He sat in his computer chair, and motioned for me to come to him. At my whimpered protests, he shook his head and repeated himself, more firmly.
     The spanking started over his knee, with the naughty spatula. After a while this postion became harder to hold, and he had me bend over the arm of the loveseat. He continued for a bit with the spatula, then moved on to the five fingered strap.
      I did not take this spanking gracefully. I had to be told many times to move my hands. I cried out, begged him to stop. It hurt, but it wasn't bringing me to the place I needed to be.
     He talked to me, and asked me questions. He made me answer. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he said, "Twenty more of each." He delivered them firmly.
     When he'd finished, I was in that stage just before crying. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but a lot of times before I actually cry, I "dry cry"...which means I'm basically crying, but there are no tears. I haven't fully let go. I lifted my head and watched him go to the drawer to put the implements away. I started to get up when I saw him pulling something else out .. the black strap. I whimpered. "Are you serious?"
     He looked at me, very serious indeed. "I think you need more."
     I buried my head, and thought I would cry right then. My butt already hurt and I didn't want any more.
     "Am I wrong?" he asked, bringing the strap down on my sore bum.
     I cried out, kicking my legs.
     He repeated himself, then added, "Answer me."
     "No sir," I answered softly, tears filling my eyes.
     He got down to business then, setting my backside on fire. He told me a couple times to keep my hands out of the way, then eventually pinned them behind my back with one hand while he strapped me. At one point he paused to pull my pants down.
      I started sobbing, and pulled my hand free, covering my burning cheeks.
     Thankfully, he stopped, and walked away to put the strap back. When he came back to me, he pulled me to a standing position and into his strong arms. "I love you baby," he murmured. "Are you okay?"
     "Yes sir, I love you too." I answered quietly through my tears. I cried for a few minutes, and felt much, much better afterward. I curled up on the bed, and he laid down beside me.
     "Was that what you needed?" he asked.
     I nodded. I was slightly embarassed, but I wanted to tell him anything he wanted to know.
     "What was it that did it, the little extra at the end to just set you over?"
     "I guess.."
     He held me, and hugged me, and kissed me. He told me how much he loves me. Then he showed me just how much he loves me. Reminded me that I belong to him, and he to me. It was just the reset that I needed.