Fast forward to when J got home. I was tired. A few times while I waited for him to get home, I contemplated going to bed. Its not that I thought he'd be angry if I did, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, no matter how tired I was. I fought to keep my eyes open because I
Huge swells of emotion rose in me. Anger - how could he forget AGAIN? hurt - doesnt he care about me? frustration - I didn't ask for him to spank me, he told me thats what was going to happen. Why would he threaten it if he didn't intend to actually do it? confusion - he said one thing, and is doing another.
Then, reason smacked me upside the head. He is tired, just like you. Give the man a break, he deserves it. He is not trying to hurt you, he has a lot of other things on his mind. When I looked at the big picture, it wasn't a huge deal, and I realized that my emotions were probably getting the best of me. Once I reminded myself that I shouldn't get upset or worked up or think too much about things like this. My eyes closed and I was starting to feel drowsy.
Suddenly, J's mouth was next to my ear. "Tomorrow morning, I'm going to tan your hide."
Since I was already half way to dream land (yep, thats my story and I'm stickin' to it!), I scoffed and said, "No you wont." My eyes didn't even open.
"Yes I will." he said sternly.
"Yeah, okay...."
He looked at me. "Go to the drawer, I'm going to spank you now."
"No!" I insisted. "I don't want one."
"You're getting one, for being fresh. Now get up and get the small brush." he ordered.
I looked at him. "Nope." It was a clear challenge. Let me add here that I am not usually like this. I dont think I've ever flat out refused to obey him like that. I mean sure, sometimes I play around and resist or fight it a little before obeying, but I usually always do as he tells me. I don't know why, but in that moment, I just would not submit.
He was going to have to make me, and he knew it. "Either you can get the small brush or I'm going to get up and choose something." he threatened. "You have until ten ... three, four, five..."
I jumped up and ran to the drawer, getting the hairbrush and running back, pouting. "That's not fair, you started at three!"
He took the hairbrush from me and waited for me to climb back in bed. "Butt in the air." he commanded.
I got up on my elbows and knees.
He started right in with the hairbrush. He spanked hard and fast, and before long, my bottom half had stretched out along the bed, my body flat. "Did I tell you to lay down?" he asked, pausing.
Whimpering, I raised my ass again, knowing he was just going to keep smacking it.
And, he did. But not for much longer. When he finished, my bottom stung and it certainly had made an impression. He informed me that was a preview for the morning. Then, he put the brush aside and held me.
Guess who didn't get spanked the next morning? That's right, me. I was sure to let J know that the previous night's spanking was unjust since clearly I was not "being fresh" but merely being "realistic".
Yeah, that didn't go over well either :p
I understand the ups and downs, the disobedience and the correction or lack thereof. Hopefully it smooths out with time. Hugs. :)
ReplyDeleteSeems like maybe you're pushing your boundaries...seeing if he's there to enforce them. I can relate to that!
ReplyDeleteThe promise/threat of a spanking with no follow-through would be horrible! That would play with my brain so much :/
ReplyDeleteI think Grace has a point? And I can also relate. Waiting for what you think is inevitable after being told that it's happening has the ability to send me into all sorts of negative emotions. It's our first natural instinct I think. Trying to understand the lack of consistency is harder to do (for me anyways)
ReplyDeleteIt's certainly not an 'easy' thing to properly establish eh.
Dee x
Hmm, well you were being "fresh" but justifiable so, IMO. And...he didn't spank you the next morning? That would truly tick any of us girls us off, wouldn't it? Sara
ReplyDeletei so understand and can relate to your frustration....im sure you will work it out they do get tired. But still its frustrating. Can you talk to him and tell him how you feel maybe?
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs kiwi xxx
I hope you both work out the details of fairness and consistency and your path smooths out!
ReplyDeletemaui girl- thanks! we go through spurts of time where he is much less consistent than others. it is frustrating at the time but we come out of them closer and more open with each other, so it's beneficial in its own right, I guess!
ReplyDeleteGrace- I think you're on to something. It makes me feel safe knowing that he will firmly put me back in my place when I'm spinning out of control, and I think maybe look for that when I feel particularly out of control in the everyday facets of my life
Alex- it screws with my mind too. Its definitely not fun, for anyone involved.
Dee- I agree. It's the build up that makes the lack of a spanking so hard .. once I've been thinking about it all day and have resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to be spanked, it feels a little like a slap in the face to have it be forgotten (or overlooked, or post-poned, etc)
Sara- I suppose I *was* being a tad sassy, but like you said, it was justified. I think you're right, just about any of us girls would be perturbed by the lack of follow through in this instance!
kiwi- We have talked this subject to death, I'm afraid. I have told him many times how it makes me feel, which is part of why I was so upset...it wasn't like this was the first, or second, or even third time this had happened. I did tell him again how it made me feel and we talked about it. I do understand that he gets tired, etc ... but waiting until we're about to fall asleep to spring it on me that I'm NOT getting spanked just doesnt work for me and I end up feeling rejected. We will eventually come to a place where this doesnt happen (or if it needs to be put off, it's handled in an appropriate manner that we're both comfortable with). Until then, we've just gotta roll with the punches, and just remember that each hardship brings growth and learning.
Christina- thank you, so do I! :p
Oh little girl, little girl! Have you gone nutty? Is this late postpartum in the form of a psychosis? Oh my! Well, I hope he gets to you soon. You obviously need it.
ReplyDeleteMan oh man.
Hugs,
Kelly
Ohh I feel for ya! Hope all is going well!
ReplyDelete