Needing to Submit.

     I woke up yesterday in the mood to submit. Now, I know what you're thinking: as a sub, I should wake up everyday in the mood to submit, and honestly, I do...but yesterday was different. I really felt a deep need to feel his dominance. Nothing makes me feel quite as submissive as being restrained, so I arranged our cuffs, blindfold, and flogger on the hipster, on top of our bed. I wrote 'Please Daddy' on our heart shaped white board and left it with all the equipment. 
     When he got home, he read it aloud, but said nothing else.
     Several times we were in the bedroom together, doing something or another, and I could barely stand still, just looking at all the stuff on the bed was making me squirmy and want-y. 
     We had a yummy dinner, and drinks, and oreo ice cream in cones. Then, he told me to meet him in the bedroom. 
     After I'd turned out the lights and the tv off, I followed him to the bedroom. He had me sit on the edge of the bed, and he wrapped the cuffs around my wrists, securing them tightly. After he finished putting the second one on, he looked up and his eyes met mine.
     "Where are the tethers?" he wanted to know.
     "In the drawer..." I answered.
     "Get them."
     Butterflies going crazy in my tummy, I brought him the tethers. 
     Daddy handed me the ankle cuffs and told me to put them on. Once I had, he blindfolded me. Now he helped me to my feet and then positioned me over the hipster. He clipped my wrist cuffs to the hipster, and then attached the ankle cuffs to the tethers, which he clipped into the hipster. The sound of the tethers tightening registered just milliseconds before I felt my ankles being pulled up. 
     This was new. My feet were held up so my legs made a 90 degree angle. Not really uncomfortable, just .. awkward. 
     Then, he left me there for a few minutes. He didn't say anything, but I could hear him moving, around our room, then to the kitchen, and back again. Without a word, he picked up the flogger and started in on my ass. Immediately when I began to whimper, I was told to be quiet. 
     When he stopped hitting me with the flogger, the room was silent for a moment. 
     Behind the blindfold, I think different things than I do when I can see. I have an extremely active imagination, and when I can't see anything, or don't know what's going to happen, I begin to imagine possible outcomes. This in itself is torture as it could be any of a million things, and the anticipation builds higher and higher. I heard his belt buckle clinking, and my heart began to race. I whimpered, and wriggled a little, pulling lightly on my restraints. He was moving around. First I heard it to my left, then the sound came from behind me. The combination of the clinking sound, and my anticipation was making me incredibly wet. I wondered if he could see how wet I was, and that made me wish I could cover up somehow. The clinking sound moved several more times before the belt collides with my bottom, leaving a white-hot stripe across it. Daddy lashed the leather across my warm flesh several more times, then after another moment of silence, I heard the implement drawer opening. Just the sound of it gave me chills. 
     It goes a little blurry here, but I'll do my best to remember what happened next ;p
     He came back and whacked me with something smooth and hard. 
     "Ouch!" I cried out.
     "What is it?" he asked.
     I inwardly groaned. I am awful at guessing implements, and I hate having to do so! I thought frantically as whatever-it-was whacked me a few more times. "Is it a paddle?" I asked. 
     WHACK! on my sit spot. "That's not very specific." WHACK! 
     "The clear paddle?"
     WHACK! 
     "Aaah ... the picture paddle?"
     WHACK! "Nope." WHACK!
     "I don't knooooow," I whined. I started to feel a little panic. Daddy wasn't going to stop spanking me with this whatever-it-was until I guessed what it was .. what if I couldn't guess it? Would he just go on forever? It hurt so much! 
      WHACK! WHACK!
     One last idea popped into my head .. "The hairbrush!?" 
     I heard him smile. 
     "Which one?" he wanted to know. WHACK!
     "Owww, the small one?" 
     "Very good," WHACK! "Once you get it right, then you only have ten left on each cheek." He delivered the last twenty firmly and at a quick pace. I don't remember what implement came next, but it took me a while to figure out. Once I did, and he'd given me the final ten on each with it, he stood behind me, close enough for me to feel him there. He pushed my legs open roughly, and slipped a finger inside me. He worked his magic until I was squirming and moaning, and then he suddenly just stopped. He tapped another implement against my bottom and I immediately knew what it was. Before I could say it, he brought it down on my swollen backside and I yelped. 
     "THE LOOPY!" I cried out. 
     "Good job, baby." he told me, putting his hand in the small of my back as he finished up. 
     I don't remember much of what happened next but somehow I ended up laying on the bed on my back. I still had the cuffs on, but they weren't connected. He was touching me, and talking to me, and it was glorious. Then he moved me, off the bed and around to a different side, and he positioned me how he wanted me, then was gone again.
     The next time I felt him, he was sliding into me. It's all blurred together and I have no idea what happened when, but he alternated between slow, sensual, teasing thrusts to hard and fast. He hit my ass, and pulled my hair, and stuck his fingers in my mouth. His hand tightened around my throat, just enough to send electric thrills through my entire body. He yanked my head back by my hair and growled into my ear, "Does this feel good, babygirl?" He slapped my face. 
     Yes, you read that right. My Daddy, who when we started this was apprehensive about slapping my bottom, slapped my face. It kind of shocked me too, the first couple times it happened. Hell, who am I kidding .. it surprises me every time. Don't get me wrong, I asked for him to do it, and it turns me on A LOT. I'm just still getting used to him being so "Dommy" LOL. He doesn't hit my face hard, but enough that I can feel a bit of a sting. 
     When we were finished, Daddy suggested a shower, so we hopped in together to get cleaned up. 
     I couldn't stop staring at him, or touching him. I felt very clingy, like all I wanted was to be close to him. 
     Even though my hair was wet and Daddy always complains that its cold when its wet, he let me lay my head on his chest when we got into bed. He held me close and we giggled and talked together like lovesick teenagers, my desperate need to submit sated.
     For now.

Things Are Different Now

     When I began writing this blog, I was in the process of telling J about my desire to be spanked/disciplined. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I had an idea in my mind of what our relationship would look like .. of how he should lead. (typing and then reading that sentence literally makes me cringe.) I wanted him to be strict and to fully take control. I didn't want sex to be mixed in...that bothered me a lot. I felt like I needed only non-sexual dominance from him.
      Looking back at where we began on this journey, and seeing where we are now, amazes me. We have changed, yes ... grown, yes. If you had asked me then if I could see us where we are now, I would have firmly answered no. I have discovered a lot about myself, and my submissive desires/needs. Many of the things I thought I wanted then, I no longer want....just as many of the things I crave and enjoy now, turned me off then.
     Our dynamic has shifted in a major way, and the difference is unbelievable. I am no longer bothered when spanking is mixed with more intimate activities. It randomly occurred to me that I should not be bothered by the ways he chooses to enforce his dominance. That's his decision. I now welcome his sexual dominance, and let me tell you .. has he grown! If you have been reading since the beginning, or close to it, you know that J used to be afraid of "hurting me", he didn't like to leave marks, didn't want to make me cry ... remember that? Now, he pinches and twists my nipples, and demands that I keep my hands above my head, and still, while he does it. He'll slap extremely sensitive body parts, and then smile with pleasure when I cry out. He knows how much it turns me on, and it turns him on too. He makes me tell him WHEN I come if I play with myself when he's not home, and I believe him when he threatens consequences if I don't.
     A few months ago, I joined tumblr, and I made some friends who live in Daddy/babygirl relationships. After reading and viewing their blogs for a bit, I began to fall in love with the idea of J being my Daddy. I couldn't believe how much it resembled the way we naturally interact with each other. It took me quite a while to confess this to J. Despite how right it felt, at the same time it seemed wrong. How could I be turned on at the mere thought of calling J "Daddy," or him calling me "little girl"? Would J think I was some kind of freak? There were literally hundreds of times when the word was sitting there on the edge of my tongue, begging to be uttered, and I swallowed them back, afraid of what his response might be. Then one day, I allowed myself to say it...and you know what? He didn't think I was some kind of freak. He didn't really react to it at all, it was as if I'd called him by his name.
     From that point on, I decided it was okay to let my "little girl" out. I can't even tell you how much happier and how free I feel. The more I let that part of myself show, the more J grew into the "Daddy" role.  I eventually did confess my desire for it, even though it was pretty obvious by that point. His response? No surprise to me, babygirl. I love you so much.
     This all happened a while ago, but I haven't really had the words to write about it. I think part of me was a little hesitant to talk about it because it was going so good and I didn't want to jinx it. Another part was a little worried that my readers wouldn't want to return. The content of this blog is probably going to change a bit. I would not say that we are a DD couple. While discipline is still used, and I would be punished if I disobeyed or did something disrespectful/dishonest etc .. we are more D/s than DD. I have enjoyed the interaction with other DD bloggers, and I hope that they won't shy away from my blog now that recounting events will include some bdsm instead of mainly spanking.

   

Weekend Snapshots

     His hands around my waist, propelling me to the end of the bed and pushing me over to the edge of our bed, and telling me to stay there. He picked up a cell phone charger cord and doubled it over in his hand. Upon the first stroke, I decided that this was by far the worst thing I'd ever felt on my bottom! It put the loopy johnny to shame, and that is hard to do! Thankfully he didn't use it on me too long, but I had stripes on my backside for a few hours afterward.

     He had me lay on the bed, and after opening the implement drawer, he told me not to look. After I reminded him that he could always use the blindfold, he put it on and I lay down over a pile of blankets. He informed me that if I put my hands back there would be further consequences. He wanted to play the guessing game. I havent been spanked with much recently besides the rubber flogger, so I didn't do very good. I think I was crying after the third implement. He was using something, I couldn't figure out what, and I just remember it hurt so bad. I was crying, and I just kept saying "I dont know" over and over. I felt (what I thought were) his fingers running through the back of my hair. It felt kind of odd but I figured it was because my hair was bunched up from the blindfold. He was talking to me, and the combination of his touch and his voice soothed me. I felt myself calm, and then I realized it was the hairbrush he was running lightly through my hair, to give me a hint. I blurted it out and he moved on to another implement. He finished up with the loopy, and when he was done, he sat down on the bed and I lay my head in his lap. He stroked my hair and told me how much he loved me. There was really hot sex afterwards. Really, really hot sex. He liked how my hot bottom felt against him.

     He grabbed me around the waist, and walking behind me, used his body to push me into our bedroom. Once through the door, he used one hand to pull my shirt over my head, baring my top half, then grabbed both my breasts in his hand. He moved me to the end of the bed, and with his mouth next to my ear, asked, "Do you know what I'm going to do to you?"
     "No, sir," I whispered. Suddenly, my pants and panties were about mid-thigh and there was a cool breeze blowing across my exposed bottom.
     "Get your pants off," he said, his belt buckle clinking.
     I slipped them down and stepped out of them. I was expecting to have sex, but then I saw him doubling his belt out of the corner of my eye. The next second, I felt it burning a line across my backside. After a few strokes I cried out, "Ouch!"
     "Shh, I'm just warming it up a little." he told me, continuing to strap me with that damn belt. When he finished, I was sore. "Hmm...what are you supposed to do with a warm bottom?" he asked, tossing his belt on the floor.
     "Put it in the air?" I giggled, and got up on my knees, raising my ass and offering myself to him.
     He took me again. Hard. Rough.

     I stood up from the couch and walked across the room, on a mission for coccoa roasted almonds.
     He grabbed my wrist, and pulled me onto his lap. He wrapped his big arms around me and held me against him.
     "I came over here for the almonds!" I told him playfully.
     "Too bad, you're gonna get some lovins."  He kissed me all over my face, tickling me with his beard. We stayed ilke that for quite a while, my head nuzzled into his neck, his arms wrapped around me.

  


     I've been spanked and fucked so many times between yesterday and today I can't even keep them all straight in my head. Mmm. It has been entirely amazing!! I love my J so much :)

Easter Spanking

     I had lain down on the bed, my teddy bear in my arms, and he came and sat beside me.
     "Are you ready for your spanking now?" he asked.
     I groaned quietly, and hugged my teddy tighter. He hadn't mentioned the spanking all day, and I'd begun to wonder if maybe he'd forgotten.
     "What, you didn't forget, did you?"
     "No,"
     "Well then what's all the fuss for? Are you too tired to have it tonight?"
     It had been a busy weekend, and a long day. We stayed up the night before, playing card games and singing and just having a good time with my family. Which was great, but we ended up with very little sleep going into the busiest day of the weekend.
     I considered how very heavy my eyelids felt, but shook my head. "No, I'm not too tired."
     "Ok, roll over." he ordered, reaching out beside the bed and opening the implement drawer. He pulled out the smaller of the two hairbrushes and began using it on his (very short) hair. He does this almost every time he uses the brush, to drag out the waiting period, I think. He also took out the rubber flogger, and a moment later, he leaned over, tugging down my pants and panties.
     Waiting for the first swat was tortuous, my heart pounding in my ears, the anticipation building with each moment that passed uneventfully. When it finally did land, it caught me by surprise.
     "Ouch!" I complained, but he kept going.
     He alternated cheeks, each swat stinging a bit more than the last. After probably a dozen good ones, he put the brush down and started in with the rubber flogger. He colored my bottom a rosy pink, covering every inch with even strokes.
     I was a little squirmy and whimpering every now and then, but I was doing good. That is, until he set the flogger aside and reached into the drawer. I saw his hand close around the loopy johnny handle and I blurted out, "NO," and my eyes filled with tears. 
     With his other hand, he pulled out the heavy acrylic paddle, and replaced the loopy johnny. *WHACK* The paddle landed in the middle of my left cheek.
     "Ow!" 
     "What was that "no" for?" he asked, as he continued to paddle my already red and sore bum.
     "Owwww!" I complained. "Because I wasn't bad!"
     "Yeah, so?" he countered, never losing stride. The longer I left between his question and my response, the harder his swats became.
      "Before we went away, you said..."
     SWAT! "I can't hear you," he told me matter-of-factly.
     "You said my .. my..." for some reason, the word behavior was sticking in my throat. I couldn't make it come out.
     "Louder," he repeated, two more hard swats landing on my fiery bottom.
     The tears were rolling down my cheeks by now. "You said my behavior would dictate how the sp..spanking went. And you said I dont want to hear the words loopy johnny ... and I wasn't baaaaad!"
     "So you protested? Just because I took it out doesn't mean I'm going to use it, I had to take the tape out to get the paddle, too .. I didn't use that, did I?" his voice was stern, and it sent a shiver through me as another sob overtook me.
     "No, sirrrr." I whimpered into the ball of comforter clutched in my fists.
     "Ok then." He told me I'd be getting 20 more on each, and then it would be over. When he'd delivered the final swats, he replaced all the implements in the drawer, and rubbed lotion on my bum.
     Normally, I need more time to recover after a spanking which has made me cry. I need more cuddles and love and kisses, but not this time. I pushed my backside up, offering myself to him. Feeling his hand dip between my legs made me quiver with pleasure, and moments later, he grabbed me by my ankles and yanked me down to the end of the bed.
     "Ass in the air." he commanded, shedding his clothes.
     I assumed the position and felt him pressing into me seconds later. It was bliss. We'd gone the entire weekend with no sex and I had been desperately wanting.
     He took me hard and fast.
     I was floating on submission, my ass stinging and sore, feeling his strong, calloused hands gripping at my body, closing around my throat, firmly pulling my hair ... it was glorious.

     Afterwards, we lay together, my head on his chest and his arm around me. Our breathing slowed and our heartrates gradually returned to normal, and we fell asleep together, happy to be home.

A Warning

I was bent over, folding some things I was going to be packing for our weekend away.

Suddenly, he was behind me, bending over me, his mouth right beside my ear. "Just warning you, since we'll be away all weekend and I don't think you want to be spanked in a house full of your family...there will be an Easter Sunday spanking. Your behavior this weekend will dictate how the spanking is conducted and what implements are used." he stood up, pulling me up to stand too. He pressed his body against mine and leaned down again to whisper, "I know you don't want to hear the words loopy johnny..."

Just hearing him say it then made my stomach drop. "No, Sir!"

He stepped away and gave me some space, but I didnt want any.

I moved to him and leaned against his chest, relaxing into him as his arms tightened around me.

"What's the matter, baby?" he asked.

"Can I maybe have a little one before we go?" I whispered into his chest. I always get anxious when we travel, no matter where we're going. Throw in the fact we'll be spending the weekend with my dad...I was like a walking ball of stress.

"One what?" he asked, feigning ignorance.

I raised an eyebrow and buried my face shyly.

"Go get the whip," he told me, referring to the rubber flogger, his new favorite. He unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, pulling them down, followed by my panties. He was striking me hard and I was crying out. He told me more than once to be quiet. He didn't finish until he'd colored my whole bottom red, then helped me up and held me in his arms.

Just like that, I felt stable and centered again. I reciprocated his kisses, and soaked up his loving words. It was a wonderful moment, and if that was just for fun, I'll DEFINITELY be on my very best behavior this weekend!

Trouble pt 2

     Last night, after his shower, he hugged me. "How are you?" he asked.
     I shrugged nervously. "Pretty good,"
     "Why just pretty good? Are you nervous about something?" his voice was amused, knowing.
     "Yes, sir.."
     "What are you nervous about?"
     "Because I'm going to get a spanking," I whispered into his neck, nuzzling my face against him.
     "Why are you gonna get a spanking?" J asked.
     By this time I was blushing profusely. "Because I didn't do what I was supposed to..."
     "And what was that?"
     "To text you," I was hoping to avoid saying the actual trangression, because just thinking about saying it made me cringe.
     "Hmm. Why did you do that?" he wondered.
     "I dont know,"
     "Alright, well .. let's go watch tv for a little while."

     It turned out being a little more than a little while, and by the time we went to bed, we both were very tired. I waited for him to instruct me how/where he wanted me, but he didn't. He climbed into bed and said, "I'm going to move your spanking to tomorrow. When the baby takes his first  nap."
     I whimpered a little bit. I just wanted it over with! I'd spent the whole day, anxious about it, nervous ... I didn't want to have to wait longer!
     "What?" he asked, hearing my whimpered complaint. "You can't handle waiting?"
     I swallowed my anxiety and nerves, and shrugged my shoulders. "It's fine...It's your call." I had to tell myself that a few more times, to be okay with it, but its true. It's his call, and if he's too tired to punish me, well then I guess I have to deal with my nerves for a few more hours. I brought the punishment on myself, so I should have to take the consequences.
     He kissed me, and told me he loved me, and we went to bed.

     When the time came the next day, I sat down on the edge of the bed while he looked into the drawer full of implements. He let me believe for a moment that he was considering the loopy, but then he told me that he wasn't going to use it, and asked me where his little brush was.
     "On the hutch sweetie," I said, and pointed out the brush's location. What a good girl I am, huh?
     He came over, and bent me over the bed, so my bottom was high and vulnerable. He patted my sit spot lovingly and said, "I'm not going to go hard on you. But you said you were going to text me when you came, right?"
     "You told me to," I replied.
     "Yes, but you said you would, didn't you?" 
     "Yes sir," I murmured, and he began.
     He gave me a few solid swats on my sit spot, then another few on the other side. "Are you going to tell me next time I ask you to?"
     "Yes sir!"
     He gave me a total of maybe 12 good firm whacks to my lower bum and sit spot, and I was on the verge of tears when he went back to the drawer, placing the brush in and taking out the rubber flogger. He finished up the spanking with that, and it didn't last much longer, nor was it too hard, but I sure did feel punished when he was done. He put the flogger away and came back to me, laying down on the bed and pulling me close against his body. He stroked my hair and spoke softly to me. "Are you going to text me next time, baby?" he wanted to know. I assured him I would. "There have been a few times you haven't. Weren't there?"
     "Yeah,"
     "Why?"
     "I dont know," I shrugged.
     "I want you to tell me, okay? I'm not saying every time. But when I tell you, I expect you to."
     "Yes sir," I nodded, and felt him tighten his arms around me.
     We talked a little bit longer like this, and then J got up and went to the kitchen for something.
     I got off the bed and started changing. I put on some lacy panties and a bra, and turned around to examine my bottom in the mirror. It was deep red on my sit spots from the brush, and then splotches and lines of red from the flogger. I sauntered out of our room and to the kitchen, putting an arm on the wall and staring seductively at my husband. "Hi baby," I said, and he turned around.
     "Mmm," he said, but continued what he was doing.
     I continued speaking flirtaciously, and he flirted back but made no advances, so I started back toward the bedroom.
     He followed me in, and we proceeded to have the hottest, most amazing sex of our relationship so far. He was both rough and gentle, at all the right times. He mixed in just the right amount of pain with my pleasure and gosh .. it was just HOT. We came together, a first for us. Normally, I have trouble reaching orgasm through plain old penetration (thats to say, it's never happened), but today was an exception for sure! WOW!
     Afterward, we hopped in the shower, and he asked me if I'd blogged about my punishment, or if I was going to. I told him I'd written a post last night, while I was waiting for my sentence to be carried out. When he asked what I wrote about, I asked if he wanted to read it.
     He shook his head. "No thank you. I don't read your blog for a reason," which he went on a few moments later to explain as being: "When I used to read your blog, it made me second guess what I was doing and thats not good, you know? If I read about you being nervous or something, it made me doubt myself when doing it again. I like to read our blog, because you can share the important things there."
     I had never thought of it that way. I had always assumed that he just didn't care enough about what I was thinking or feeling to read my blog, that it was too much effort for what it was worth. How wrong I was. I'm thankful to have a place to process and work through my feelings without worrying that I will hurt him or make him second guess his dominance.
     He handed me my towel and we got out of the shower. As I dried off, he said, "You're going to go curly today, right?"
     I smiled. "Yes sir!" I said enthusiastically, as he was walking out of the bathroom.
     He turned around, that killer smile plastered across his face. "That's my baby." he said affectionately, and went to the bedroom to dress.
     WIN!

Trouble...

     Recently, it has been common for J and I to have some sort of intimate relation before he goes to work. It is often rushed, and there is one focus: his pleasure. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining! In fact, I like it this way. Anyway, he will sometimes tell me before he leaves that he wants me to play with myself later, and to text him immediately when I come.
     Last Friday happened to be one of those days. Except that he had called me from work, not long after he'd left, and we got into a bit of an argument. Nothing serious, but I was a bit miffed and feeling annoyed with him. So later on when I came, I didn't text him. I didn't really think much of it.
     He hadn't said anything about it all night, or when he arrived home, and I didn't give it another thought.
 
     Today, he had me over his lap. He sang a "have a good day" song to me while he softly spanked my bottom. Then, once he'd finished his song, he rested his hand on my butt. "I've been meaning to ask you," he said, grabbing hold of a fistful of hair. "Did you play with yourself on Friday while I was at work?"
     "Yes sir," I replied breathlessly, feeling my heart rate quicken as he tugged my head back a little more.
     "You did?" he asked. "Did you come, and not tell me?"
     My tummy was doing backflips by now, and I quietly said, "Yes sir..."
     "Hm." he slapped my backside a couple of times, much harder than before. "That's very bad," he let me slide off his lap to my knees, my head resting on his thigh. "You're going to get a spanking for that tonight."
     Suddenly I felt very small and shy, and I buried my face in his shirt. I looked up at him nervously, and he kissed my nose.
     "I love you, baby. Come on, let's go.." he stood up, and helped me to my feet, and we played together with the baby for a few minutes before he left for work.

     I have a lot of feelings right now.

     Nervousness being the main one. He's been talking about the loopy johnny an awful lot lately, hinting about wanting to use it, etc. Gosh, I hope he doesn't use that on me, though I guess I do deserve it if he does.

     WAH!