Last night, after his shower, he hugged me. "How are you?" he asked.
I shrugged nervously. "Pretty good,"
"Why just pretty good? Are you nervous about something?" his voice was amused, knowing.
"Yes, sir.."
"What are you nervous about?"
"Because I'm going to get a spanking," I whispered into his neck, nuzzling my face against him.
"Why are you gonna get a spanking?" J asked.
By this time I was blushing profusely. "Because I didn't do what I was supposed to..."
"And what was that?"
"To text you," I was hoping to avoid saying the actual trangression, because just thinking about saying it made me cringe.
"Hmm. Why did you do that?" he wondered.
"I dont know,"
"Alright, well .. let's go watch tv for a little while."
It turned out being a little more than a little while, and by the time we went to bed, we both were very tired. I waited for him to instruct me how/where he wanted me, but he didn't. He climbed into bed and said, "I'm going to move your spanking to tomorrow. When the baby takes his first nap."
I whimpered a little bit. I just wanted it over with! I'd spent the whole day, anxious about it, nervous ... I didn't want to have to wait longer!
"What?" he asked, hearing my whimpered complaint. "You can't handle waiting?"
I swallowed my anxiety and nerves, and shrugged my shoulders. "It's fine...It's your call." I had to tell myself that a few more times, to be okay with it, but its true. It's his call, and if he's too tired to punish me, well then I guess I have to deal with my nerves for a few more hours. I brought the punishment on myself, so I should have to take the consequences.
He kissed me, and told me he loved me, and we went to bed.
When the time came the next day, I sat down on the edge of the bed while he looked into the drawer full of implements. He let me believe for a moment that he was considering the loopy, but then he told me that he wasn't going to use it, and asked me where his little brush was.
"On the hutch sweetie," I said, and pointed out the brush's location. What a good girl I am, huh?
He came over, and bent me over the bed, so my bottom was high and vulnerable. He patted my sit spot lovingly and said, "I'm not going to go hard on you. But you said you were going to text me when you came, right?"
"You told me to," I replied.
"Yes, but you said you would, didn't you?"
"Yes sir," I murmured, and he began.
He gave me a few solid swats on my sit spot, then another few on the other side. "Are you going to tell me next time I ask you to?"
"Yes sir!"
He gave me a total of maybe 12 good firm whacks to my lower bum and sit spot, and I was on the verge of tears when he went back to the drawer, placing the brush in and taking out the rubber flogger. He finished up the spanking with that, and it didn't last much longer, nor was it too hard, but I sure did feel punished when he was done. He put the flogger away and came back to me, laying down on the bed and pulling me close against his body. He stroked my hair and spoke softly to me. "Are you going to text me next time, baby?" he wanted to know. I assured him I would. "There have been a few times you haven't. Weren't there?"
"Yeah,"
"Why?"
"I dont know," I shrugged.
"I want you to tell me, okay? I'm not saying every time. But when I tell you, I expect you to."
"Yes sir," I nodded, and felt him tighten his arms around me.
We talked a little bit longer like this, and then J got up and went to the kitchen for something.
I got off the bed and started changing. I put on some lacy panties and a bra, and turned around to examine my bottom in the mirror. It was deep red on my sit spots from the brush, and then splotches and lines of red from the flogger. I sauntered out of our room and to the kitchen, putting an arm on the wall and staring seductively at my husband. "Hi baby," I said, and he turned around.
"Mmm," he said, but continued what he was doing.
I continued speaking flirtaciously, and he flirted back but made no advances, so I started back toward the bedroom.
He followed me in, and we proceeded to have the hottest, most amazing sex of our relationship so far. He was both rough and gentle, at all the right times. He mixed in just the right amount of pain with my pleasure and gosh .. it was just HOT. We came together, a first for us. Normally, I have trouble reaching orgasm through plain old penetration (thats to say, it's never happened), but today was an exception for sure! WOW!
Afterward, we hopped in the shower, and he asked me if I'd blogged about my punishment, or if I was going to. I told him I'd written a post last night, while I was waiting for my sentence to be carried out. When he asked what I wrote about, I asked if he wanted to read it.
He shook his head. "No thank you. I don't read your blog for a reason," which he went on a few moments later to explain as being: "When I used to read your blog, it made me second guess what I was doing and thats not good, you know? If I read about you being nervous or something, it made me doubt myself when doing it again. I like to read our blog, because you can share the important things there."
I had never thought of it that way. I had always assumed that he just didn't care enough about what I was thinking or feeling to read my blog, that it was too much effort for what it was worth. How wrong I was. I'm thankful to have a place to process and work through my feelings without worrying that I will hurt him or make him second guess his dominance.
He handed me my towel and we got out of the shower. As I dried off, he said, "You're going to go curly today, right?"
I smiled. "Yes sir!" I said enthusiastically, as he was walking out of the bathroom.
He turned around, that killer smile plastered across his face. "That's my baby." he said affectionately, and went to the bedroom to dress.
WIN!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Trouble...
Recently, it has been common for J and I to have some sort of intimate relation before he goes to work. It is often rushed, and there is one focus: his pleasure. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining! In fact, I like it this way. Anyway, he will sometimes tell me before he leaves that he wants me to play with myself later, and to text him immediately when I come.
Last Friday happened to be one of those days. Except that he had called me from work, not long after he'd left, and we got into a bit of an argument. Nothing serious, but I was a bit miffed and feeling annoyed with him. So later on when I came, I didn't text him. I didn't really think much of it.
He hadn't said anything about it all night, or when he arrived home, and I didn't give it another thought.
Today, he had me over his lap. He sang a "have a good day" song to me while he softly spanked my bottom. Then, once he'd finished his song, he rested his hand on my butt. "I've been meaning to ask you," he said, grabbing hold of a fistful of hair. "Did you play with yourself on Friday while I was at work?"
"Yes sir," I replied breathlessly, feeling my heart rate quicken as he tugged my head back a little more.
"You did?" he asked. "Did you come, and not tell me?"
My tummy was doing backflips by now, and I quietly said, "Yes sir..."
"Hm." he slapped my backside a couple of times, much harder than before. "That's very bad," he let me slide off his lap to my knees, my head resting on his thigh. "You're going to get a spanking for that tonight."
Suddenly I felt very small and shy, and I buried my face in his shirt. I looked up at him nervously, and he kissed my nose.
"I love you, baby. Come on, let's go.." he stood up, and helped me to my feet, and we played together with the baby for a few minutes before he left for work.
I have a lot of feelings right now.
Nervousness being the main one. He's been talking about the loopy johnny an awful lot lately, hinting about wanting to use it, etc. Gosh, I hope he doesn't use that on me, though I guess I do deserve it if he does.
WAH!
Last Friday happened to be one of those days. Except that he had called me from work, not long after he'd left, and we got into a bit of an argument. Nothing serious, but I was a bit miffed and feeling annoyed with him. So later on when I came, I didn't text him. I didn't really think much of it.
He hadn't said anything about it all night, or when he arrived home, and I didn't give it another thought.
Today, he had me over his lap. He sang a "have a good day" song to me while he softly spanked my bottom. Then, once he'd finished his song, he rested his hand on my butt. "I've been meaning to ask you," he said, grabbing hold of a fistful of hair. "Did you play with yourself on Friday while I was at work?"
"Yes sir," I replied breathlessly, feeling my heart rate quicken as he tugged my head back a little more.
"You did?" he asked. "Did you come, and not tell me?"
My tummy was doing backflips by now, and I quietly said, "Yes sir..."
"Hm." he slapped my backside a couple of times, much harder than before. "That's very bad," he let me slide off his lap to my knees, my head resting on his thigh. "You're going to get a spanking for that tonight."
Suddenly I felt very small and shy, and I buried my face in his shirt. I looked up at him nervously, and he kissed my nose.
"I love you, baby. Come on, let's go.." he stood up, and helped me to my feet, and we played together with the baby for a few minutes before he left for work.
I have a lot of feelings right now.
Nervousness being the main one. He's been talking about the loopy johnny an awful lot lately, hinting about wanting to use it, etc. Gosh, I hope he doesn't use that on me, though I guess I do deserve it if he does.
WAH!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Date Night
We had gone into the bedroom to change/dress for our date night dinner. We had about an hour before we would have to leave, so as we finished dressing, J said, "Want to go in the living room and watch an episode of Breaking Bad?"
I didn't answer. I did not particularly want to go in the living room. I wanted a spanking! I hadnt been spanked in what felt like forever. So, I flopped down on the bed and looked up at him, shaking my head no.
"No? What do you want, then?" he wanted to know, and I blushed deeply. I didn't offer any explanation, so he ordered, "Tell me what you want to do instead."
I took a deep breath, gathered all my courage and quickly said, "I want you to spank me." Then I let out a sigh of relief, because I'd made it through the entire sentence without dying (yet) from the embarassment.
"What?"
I know he heard me. That twinkle in his eye gives him away every damn time. I narrowed my eyes just slightly, then repeated myself as fast as I could. My heart was pounding.
"I want you to pick something from the drawer, and put on some music." he told me as he walked toward the bedroom door. "I need to use the bathroom."
I jumped up and went to to the drawer. I stared at the implements that fill it, and suddenly felt very, very stupid. WHY THE HELL DID I WANT THIS?! None of the implements looked the least bit friendly in that moment, so I reached for one that can be either very lovely or very evil. The last time we used it, our night ended wonderfully, so .. maybe I was a little hopeful. I put music on my iPhone and turned up the volume all the way ,and set it on the dresser. I crawled onto the bed and sat down, holding the large clear paddle in my hands. I couldn't help stare at it, my eyes tracing it's curves, my hands spinning it so I could see every inch. My body was responding to the sight in front of it. I started getting nervous, my heart was beating faster, my breathing a little quicker as well. I set the paddle down and hopped off the bed, en route to my glass of wine on the hutch. I reached it just as J was coming back into the room, and I giggled nervously.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing, I was just gonna drink some of my wine.." I told him, and he nodded.
"Go ahead, but hurry."
I took a few sips and then set the glass down, turning to look at J.
He guided me to the bed, and helped me up onto it, and positioned me so I was on my hands and knees. He picked up the paddle, and lined up with my bottom.
The first smack really took me by surprise. It hurt SO much more than I remembered!
After the second, I told him it was too hard.
Do you know what he said? "No it's not," and he kept right on going.
Another two swats later, I had fallen out of position, and rolled over so I was sitting on my bottom, and he couldn't get to it. "It's toooo haaaard," I complained again. God, it hurt SO much!
Without saying a word, he took two steps over to the hutch, grabbed my wine glass, and handed it to me. The look on his face said it all.
I actually started laughing. Call me stupid, but I was so nervous! I had this stupid smile plastered on my face as I gulped down some more wine. I felt scared that he would think I was mocking him or being disrespectful for smiling and laughing like that, but if he did, he didn't say a thing. I think he must have known I was just nervous.
He took the wine and put it back on the hutch, pointing for me to get back into position.
I'd like to point out that being on my hands and knees is a tough position for me when I'm being spanked. I hate it. It's so hard to hold position, because theres so many different directions and ways you can move away LOL. For some reason, I always feel like it hurts more, too. Anyway, I got back into position and he started paddling again. I managed to stay up longer this time, but I ended up falling out of position again. "Please," I begged. "It hurtssss. Can we use something else? Please,"
He contemplated for a moment before handing me the paddle, nodding his head.
I went back to the drawer, placing the paddle inside and picking out the "cheetah whip" as he calls it. It's a new favorite of his, because he can strike me other places than just my bottom.
"Back over," he said. "Pants down."
I stood back up, slipped my pants down below my bottom, and climbed back into position.
He whipped me with the flogger for a bit. This time, he did not strike me anywhere else (not that I'm complaining! It's just a rareity now-a-days).
I'm not sure if it was just because I haven't had a harder spanking in some time, but I just couldn't take it. I wasn't in the right headspace, or something. I twisted around and cried out, "Can I surrender?"
He thought for a minute or so. "If you do, you'll have to take four more on each with that paddle, and another ten on each with this."
I shook my head.
"Because it's date night, and you're a good girl, we can finish with twenty on each with the cheetah whip."
"Can I lay down?" I asked softly, blinking my eyes at him innocently. I may or may not have had a bit of a pout on.
"No." he said firmly. The last fourty strokes were firm, and stung like hell, but it was over quickly enough. He didn't let me up when he was finished. He put the flogger aside and stood behind me, gripping my hips and pulling my hot, stingy bum up against him. He pressed against me, rubbing the rough denim of his jeans on my scorched skin.
It hurt, but it felt so good, too. I was getting more aroused by the second. I felt him slip his fingers into the waistband of my lacy thong, and pull it down to just below my ass. The more his hands kneaded and rubbed, the more my desire grew. His hands were roaming all over, squeezing my breasts, pinching my nipples, touching my incredibly sensitive skin all over.
The next thing I knew, he had shed his clothes, and was pushing my shoulders down, pressing into me from behind.
He took me hard and fast, his hips slamming into me.
As my pleasure mounted, I found myself oddly craving ... more pain? I literally almost purred when he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my head back. It made the good feelings so much better.
We laid together afterwards for a bit, before we went to dinner. It felt good just to be with him, in his arms, skin to skin. We went out and had a lovely dinner together, I had parmesean crusted chicken ... delicious.
I was extremely tired when we got home, and ended up falling asleep almost immediately. I did get to enjoy sleeping until 8:30 am, something that happens VERY rarely!
The rest of our day will be spent visiting with a friend of ours, and the rest of the week we wont get to spend much time together. We will be away for the weekend, which will be nice but hectic. I sure am glad we got to have our date night before all the chaos sets in!
I hope everyone had a good weekend :)
I didn't answer. I did not particularly want to go in the living room. I wanted a spanking! I hadnt been spanked in what felt like forever. So, I flopped down on the bed and looked up at him, shaking my head no.
"No? What do you want, then?" he wanted to know, and I blushed deeply. I didn't offer any explanation, so he ordered, "Tell me what you want to do instead."
I took a deep breath, gathered all my courage and quickly said, "I want you to spank me." Then I let out a sigh of relief, because I'd made it through the entire sentence without dying (yet) from the embarassment.
"What?"
I know he heard me. That twinkle in his eye gives him away every damn time. I narrowed my eyes just slightly, then repeated myself as fast as I could. My heart was pounding.
"I want you to pick something from the drawer, and put on some music." he told me as he walked toward the bedroom door. "I need to use the bathroom."
 |
| the "knotty" paddle ;) |
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing, I was just gonna drink some of my wine.." I told him, and he nodded.
"Go ahead, but hurry."
I took a few sips and then set the glass down, turning to look at J.
He guided me to the bed, and helped me up onto it, and positioned me so I was on my hands and knees. He picked up the paddle, and lined up with my bottom.
The first smack really took me by surprise. It hurt SO much more than I remembered!
After the second, I told him it was too hard.
Do you know what he said? "No it's not," and he kept right on going.
Another two swats later, I had fallen out of position, and rolled over so I was sitting on my bottom, and he couldn't get to it. "It's toooo haaaard," I complained again. God, it hurt SO much!
Without saying a word, he took two steps over to the hutch, grabbed my wine glass, and handed it to me. The look on his face said it all.
I actually started laughing. Call me stupid, but I was so nervous! I had this stupid smile plastered on my face as I gulped down some more wine. I felt scared that he would think I was mocking him or being disrespectful for smiling and laughing like that, but if he did, he didn't say a thing. I think he must have known I was just nervous.
He took the wine and put it back on the hutch, pointing for me to get back into position.
I'd like to point out that being on my hands and knees is a tough position for me when I'm being spanked. I hate it. It's so hard to hold position, because theres so many different directions and ways you can move away LOL. For some reason, I always feel like it hurts more, too. Anyway, I got back into position and he started paddling again. I managed to stay up longer this time, but I ended up falling out of position again. "Please," I begged. "It hurtssss. Can we use something else? Please,"
He contemplated for a moment before handing me the paddle, nodding his head.
I went back to the drawer, placing the paddle inside and picking out the "cheetah whip" as he calls it. It's a new favorite of his, because he can strike me other places than just my bottom.
 |
| the rubber flogger, or "cheetah whip" |
I stood back up, slipped my pants down below my bottom, and climbed back into position.
He whipped me with the flogger for a bit. This time, he did not strike me anywhere else (not that I'm complaining! It's just a rareity now-a-days).
I'm not sure if it was just because I haven't had a harder spanking in some time, but I just couldn't take it. I wasn't in the right headspace, or something. I twisted around and cried out, "Can I surrender?"
He thought for a minute or so. "If you do, you'll have to take four more on each with that paddle, and another ten on each with this."
I shook my head.
"Because it's date night, and you're a good girl, we can finish with twenty on each with the cheetah whip."
"Can I lay down?" I asked softly, blinking my eyes at him innocently. I may or may not have had a bit of a pout on.
"No." he said firmly. The last fourty strokes were firm, and stung like hell, but it was over quickly enough. He didn't let me up when he was finished. He put the flogger aside and stood behind me, gripping my hips and pulling my hot, stingy bum up against him. He pressed against me, rubbing the rough denim of his jeans on my scorched skin.
It hurt, but it felt so good, too. I was getting more aroused by the second. I felt him slip his fingers into the waistband of my lacy thong, and pull it down to just below my ass. The more his hands kneaded and rubbed, the more my desire grew. His hands were roaming all over, squeezing my breasts, pinching my nipples, touching my incredibly sensitive skin all over.
The next thing I knew, he had shed his clothes, and was pushing my shoulders down, pressing into me from behind.
He took me hard and fast, his hips slamming into me.
As my pleasure mounted, I found myself oddly craving ... more pain? I literally almost purred when he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my head back. It made the good feelings so much better.
We laid together afterwards for a bit, before we went to dinner. It felt good just to be with him, in his arms, skin to skin. We went out and had a lovely dinner together, I had parmesean crusted chicken ... delicious.
I was extremely tired when we got home, and ended up falling asleep almost immediately. I did get to enjoy sleeping until 8:30 am, something that happens VERY rarely!
The rest of our day will be spent visiting with a friend of ours, and the rest of the week we wont get to spend much time together. We will be away for the weekend, which will be nice but hectic. I sure am glad we got to have our date night before all the chaos sets in!
I hope everyone had a good weekend :)
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Q&A
I'm a little late to the game here but it's Q&A month in blog land and I'd like to invite all my readers to ask any questions they'd like! You can leave them in a comment, or email them to prettypinkcheeks28@yahoo.com.
I look forward to your questions! :)
I look forward to your questions! :)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Good Day
I was feeling antsy. You know, that feeling you get when you just want to be put in your place ... you want to feel his dominance. It was frustrating, because the baby hasn't been napping well so we had no time to do anything about it anyway.
About 20 minutes before J had to go to work, we were all in the living room. J was in his chair, the baby was playing on the floor, and I was sitting by J's feet as we both monitored the baby.
"Put the gate up in the baby's doorway and meet me in the bedroom." he told me, then walked off to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
I did as he'd asked, then followed to the room. As soon as I'd closed the door behind me, he grabbed me and used his body to pin me against the wall. I felt his hand close around a handful of hair, then his breath was hot on my ear.
He was pressed against me, the one hand firmly grasping my hair, his other roaming freely. He slipped it inside my flowy capris, pushing my underwear aside. He relentlessly teased me, until my knees were buckling, and then he stepped back, freeing me. "Get your clothes off," he told me, as he quickly stripped off his own.
I looked at him, in a haze. "All of them?"
"Yes,"
I shed them in a hurry, and he grabbed me, pushing me onto my knees on the end of the bed. He pushed me forward, so I was bent over, and then he was in me. All I could do was gasp and moan as he used me for a quick release before work. There was no concern for whether I would orgasm. This was about him, and that in itself was glorious.
When he was finished, I collapsed in a breathless, contented heap on the bed and he cleaned up, then redressed for work. He hugged me, and kissed me and told me how very much he loves me.
This morning, I was cranky and frustrated. I was annoyed. Now? Well .. now, I'm a veeeerry happy girl :)
About 20 minutes before J had to go to work, we were all in the living room. J was in his chair, the baby was playing on the floor, and I was sitting by J's feet as we both monitored the baby.
"Put the gate up in the baby's doorway and meet me in the bedroom." he told me, then walked off to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
I did as he'd asked, then followed to the room. As soon as I'd closed the door behind me, he grabbed me and used his body to pin me against the wall. I felt his hand close around a handful of hair, then his breath was hot on my ear.
He was pressed against me, the one hand firmly grasping my hair, his other roaming freely. He slipped it inside my flowy capris, pushing my underwear aside. He relentlessly teased me, until my knees were buckling, and then he stepped back, freeing me. "Get your clothes off," he told me, as he quickly stripped off his own.
I looked at him, in a haze. "All of them?"
"Yes,"
I shed them in a hurry, and he grabbed me, pushing me onto my knees on the end of the bed. He pushed me forward, so I was bent over, and then he was in me. All I could do was gasp and moan as he used me for a quick release before work. There was no concern for whether I would orgasm. This was about him, and that in itself was glorious.
When he was finished, I collapsed in a breathless, contented heap on the bed and he cleaned up, then redressed for work. He hugged me, and kissed me and told me how very much he loves me.
This morning, I was cranky and frustrated. I was annoyed. Now? Well .. now, I'm a veeeerry happy girl :)
Friday, March 9, 2012
From Hard Times Comes Growth
We moved, and we survived! It was a hectic weekend, it ended up raining on Saturday so we had to change plans around a bit and move all the furniture Sunday instead. On Saturday I also went to a babyshower, ran some other errands, and we went to an engagement party that night...on top of moving some of the smaller stuff. I had been promised a good girl spanking, and there was supposed to be maintenance. Both got overlooked. When a spanking actually took place, there was a huge miscommunication which led to me feeling very confused and upset about the spanking I'd received. I got extremely upset and then J got confused. I couldn't talk about it that night, and I wrote him the next day, explaining why I had been so upset. I took my time writing it, taking care to be gentle with my words. I praised him and I opened up fully, in a way that I felt was respectful and loving. My intention was not to be critical, but just to help him understand why I was feeling the way I did. I was actually proud of myself when I'd finished. I sat beside him on the couch while he read it, and at one point, I looked over and saw a tear rolling down his cheek.
WHAT!? I started crying immediately, and laid my head on his chest. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. I felt so awful that sometihng I'd said had made him cry! When I'd tried sooo hard to make it not hurtful.
He didn't say anything. Now, if you knew my husband in real life, you would understand why this was so confusing and a bit heart wrenching for me. He never has nothing to say. He sat there in silence, with my head on his chest, while the tears rolled down his cheeks. When he realized that I was crying too, he wrapped an arm around me, and we cried together.
I looked up at him, hoping so hard that he would say something. A million horrible things were rushing through my mind, You're too much work, you're too needy. You're not worth the trouble. Maybe you're asking for something he just cannot give you. He doesn't want this life. He deserves to have a wife who is not so complicated. Finally, I couldn't take the silence any longer and I got up, heading for the bedroom. I realized I hadn't made a bottle for the baby yet (I always make one at night and leave it in the fridge because he wakes up around 5:30 looking for one, and thats just too darn early for me to be fumbling around making it, so I headed to the sink to prepare one. I heard J walk by, and the bathroom door close. He was in bed by the time I came to the bedroom. I climbed into the bed and as soon as I lay down I started crying again. I felt so, so awful, and I wished I hadn't said anything at all.
He pulled me to him and I cried in his arms, but other than whispering "Shh, its okay sweetie," he still said nothing.
I drew away from him and curled up on my side of the bed, but I couldn't sleep. I cried and cried and cried. The baby was up most of the night, and I ended up sleeping on the couch in between being up with him.
The next day I was very fragile. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I felt so upset that J was hurt, and possibly mad at me (he wasn't, but I was worried that he was).
At one point I told him I wished I hadn't written to him about it, and he told me that it had hurt him, but that it was okay. I shook my head, and told him it wasn't okay, that I didn't want to hurt him. He told me that I'm supposed to tell him how I'm feeling. Our conversation was cut short there but we talked again later. He confessed that he often feels like he doesnt do anything right when it comes to DD. That made me feel horrible, because I try to make a point of telling him how happy and content I am (when I am). He told me he loves me, and that he didn't want it to be dwelled on, and he didn't want to see me upset. We talked about maintenance, and I suggested unscheduling it. He was all for it, for a few reasons. I think it will be good for us .
We are good now. Better than good. We're back to ourselves, and that's great.
This morning, I sent him a text (he's working the day shift today) saying this is your decision. how do you want this to work? am I supposed to tell you when I'm starting to feel out of control, or are you going to give me maintenance when you feel like it's necessary?
Both. Sometimes I can tell when you need it, but other times I cant.
Here's where I maybe might have lost my sanity for just a minute. Okay. ps. I will most likely deny telling you this if you bring it up but if you think I need one, and I tell you that I dont...that usually means I REEAALLY need one, and I'm at a point where I've half convinced myself I'll be fine if I'm never spanked again.
Sounds like u need one.
I'm not going to lie. I was a little surprised to see that response, as I wasn't trying to hint at needing one or anything...but when I started to write that I didn't, I realized that he was right. Several times, I started typing a response and I had to erase it and start over. I almost joked about it. I wanted to ask how he knew...what I'd said or done that gave me away. In the end, I settled on yes sir. It was actually really hard for me to do away with the silly banter and jokes, all that stuff that lightens it up and admit that yes, I need a spanking. A few texts later, I told him I love you so much, and the response I got brought tears to my eyes. Not because it was romantic, or sweet (though it WAS those things), but because it was true.
I live to love you.
He really does. No matter what happens, or the things that come between us. He loves me, more than anything in the whole world, and wants me to be happy. How lucky am I?
WHAT!? I started crying immediately, and laid my head on his chest. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. I felt so awful that sometihng I'd said had made him cry! When I'd tried sooo hard to make it not hurtful.
He didn't say anything. Now, if you knew my husband in real life, you would understand why this was so confusing and a bit heart wrenching for me. He never has nothing to say. He sat there in silence, with my head on his chest, while the tears rolled down his cheeks. When he realized that I was crying too, he wrapped an arm around me, and we cried together.
I looked up at him, hoping so hard that he would say something. A million horrible things were rushing through my mind, You're too much work, you're too needy. You're not worth the trouble. Maybe you're asking for something he just cannot give you. He doesn't want this life. He deserves to have a wife who is not so complicated. Finally, I couldn't take the silence any longer and I got up, heading for the bedroom. I realized I hadn't made a bottle for the baby yet (I always make one at night and leave it in the fridge because he wakes up around 5:30 looking for one, and thats just too darn early for me to be fumbling around making it, so I headed to the sink to prepare one. I heard J walk by, and the bathroom door close. He was in bed by the time I came to the bedroom. I climbed into the bed and as soon as I lay down I started crying again. I felt so, so awful, and I wished I hadn't said anything at all.
He pulled me to him and I cried in his arms, but other than whispering "Shh, its okay sweetie," he still said nothing.
I drew away from him and curled up on my side of the bed, but I couldn't sleep. I cried and cried and cried. The baby was up most of the night, and I ended up sleeping on the couch in between being up with him.
The next day I was very fragile. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I felt so upset that J was hurt, and possibly mad at me (he wasn't, but I was worried that he was).
At one point I told him I wished I hadn't written to him about it, and he told me that it had hurt him, but that it was okay. I shook my head, and told him it wasn't okay, that I didn't want to hurt him. He told me that I'm supposed to tell him how I'm feeling. Our conversation was cut short there but we talked again later. He confessed that he often feels like he doesnt do anything right when it comes to DD. That made me feel horrible, because I try to make a point of telling him how happy and content I am (when I am). He told me he loves me, and that he didn't want it to be dwelled on, and he didn't want to see me upset. We talked about maintenance, and I suggested unscheduling it. He was all for it, for a few reasons. I think it will be good for us .
We are good now. Better than good. We're back to ourselves, and that's great.
This morning, I sent him a text (he's working the day shift today) saying this is your decision. how do you want this to work? am I supposed to tell you when I'm starting to feel out of control, or are you going to give me maintenance when you feel like it's necessary?
Both. Sometimes I can tell when you need it, but other times I cant.
Here's where I maybe might have lost my sanity for just a minute. Okay. ps. I will most likely deny telling you this if you bring it up but if you think I need one, and I tell you that I dont...that usually means I REEAALLY need one, and I'm at a point where I've half convinced myself I'll be fine if I'm never spanked again.
Sounds like u need one.
I'm not going to lie. I was a little surprised to see that response, as I wasn't trying to hint at needing one or anything...but when I started to write that I didn't, I realized that he was right. Several times, I started typing a response and I had to erase it and start over. I almost joked about it. I wanted to ask how he knew...what I'd said or done that gave me away. In the end, I settled on yes sir. It was actually really hard for me to do away with the silly banter and jokes, all that stuff that lightens it up and admit that yes, I need a spanking. A few texts later, I told him I love you so much, and the response I got brought tears to my eyes. Not because it was romantic, or sweet (though it WAS those things), but because it was true.
I live to love you.
He really does. No matter what happens, or the things that come between us. He loves me, more than anything in the whole world, and wants me to be happy. How lucky am I?
Friday, March 2, 2012
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