settled.

     I'm beginning to look at ttwd as a rollercoaster. There are ups, when things are going very well, when there are spankings and lots of sex and dominance. Then there are downs, or dips, when things aren't as smooth, the spankings dwindle and things are put on the back burner. You go up and down and round and round but the important thing to remember when you're in a dip is that you'll be going back up soon! (Much easier to remember when you're actually up instead of down, but I'm getting there!) 

   

   Daddy has been sick the past month or so with a cold and was diagnosed with a sinus infection last week, so things have definitely been up and down for us a lot in the recent weeks. When he isn't feeling well, he tends to be much mellower and lets little things slide. Which of course, is totally reasonable, and a good little girl would have been on her best  behavior to make things easier for him. 

     I tried to be, I really did. Sometimes, when I don't feel his dominance, I start getting insecure and I push the boundaries, looking for that solid rock wall. When the boundaries aren't as solid as I'd hoped or expected, I start getting a little bratty attitude like 'if I could do that with no consequence, maybe I can do this!' and then I feel satisfied for a bit with what I've gotten away with. I don't feel satisfied for long, though. It becomes frustrating and nerve-wracking and I act out subconsciously to make sure that everything is still the same and he's still in charge. Silly, I know, but I don't see that when it's all happening. 

     He decided to a put a stop to that, and when I hesitated to do something he told me to do, he  threatened, "Don't make me bring you into the room."

     Which made me giggle, because I wasn't at all convinced he was going to follow through. 

     Except he did. He grabbed me by the wrist and led me to the bedroom, where he bent me over the bed and started smacking my bottom. He made me spread my legs and he smacked my most sensitive area. 

     You can bet I had no doubts about whether or not he still held the position of power! Now, I wish I could tell you that I behaved myself from that point out, but there was a slight incident during my saturday spanking. 

      Daddy spanks me most saturdays, and this past saturday was no different. He had me lay on the bed and went to the implement drawer, pulled out the rubber flogger, and started to close the drawer.

      I kinda sorta rolled my eyes just a LITTLE because he's been stuck on that darn flogger and has used it for the last bajillion of my spankings. 

     He brought it whistling down on my backside, demanding to know what the eye roll was for. "What, because I'm using this again?" 

     "Well, it hurts!" I complained, wriggling around as it danced on my cheeks. 

     The blows ceased and he returned to the drawer, taking out the black strap this time. He sat beside me on the bed and strapped my backside. He did not allow me to move around too much and as soon as my free arm snaked back to protect myself, he grabbed my wrist and pinned it to the bed. 

     I was wiggling and crying out and feeling quite sorry for myself, honestly. I had forgotten how much the strap hurt! Daddy has even given me a few swats here and there with his belt, but it was nothing compared to this.

     Finally, he got up and put the strap back in the drawer and I breathed a great big sigh of relief, only to realize he was far from done. He picked up the flogger again and whipped me for a few more minutes, explaining to me how nice he was actually being by using the flogger all the time, instead of other things. He didn't stop there, though, oh no ... he picked up the small hairbrush off the dresser and started paddling me with that. 

     My hand flew back and I told him that it really hurt. I mustered my sweetest, poutiest face possible and lifted it to look at him. 

     He leaned close to me and said, "You need this. You're not done yet." He spanked me for several more minutes, stopping only after the tears were falling and my bottom was bright red and very sore. He held me and kissed me, and asked if I felt better. 

     One of my very favorite things about the DaddyDom/babygirl dynamic is the duality of sweetness/innocence and the darkness of it all. The next night, Daddy asked me to shower with him and I happily obliged. He soaped me up and washed my body before shampooing my hair for me. He pressed me against the wall and spanked my wet bottom, quickly rekindling the fiery sting from the previous evening. He got my towel for me and wrapped me in it, and when we got back to the bedroom he made rough, passionate love to me. Afterwards, he held me in his arms and cuddled me a bit before reading  me a bedtime story and kissing my nose before I fell asleep. It was so perfectly wonderful and magical and everything lovely. I think it's the amazing acts of love and tenderness like these that allow the moments of pain and loss of control to be so rewarding, pleasing, even.