Better Days

     I am feeling all kinds of happy, loved, and secure these past couple of days. The past couple of weeks have been pretty darn good, actually, and I'd be willing to bet it's all the spankings I've been getting! There have been quite a few, most of them short and playful, but all of them amazing.
     The transformation I'm seeing in J is gradual but significant. He is more confident in leading me, being in control of me and I love it. When he asserts his control over me, I just want to melt into a puddle at his feet.
      I think my love language is spanking .. is that possible? It has become quite clear, at least to me, that there is a direct connection with my behind being spanked, and my mood. I have felt less out of control of myself, my emotions and my life since I've sensed J stepping up. The overwhelming emotions I was feeling are gone. My theory is that since I was feeling so disconnected from J for a while there, everything else just seemed a billion times worse than it really was. I felt like he didn't want me, that he was annoyed and irritated with me, and that he would rather do anything in the world other than just spend time with me. Of course none of these things could be further from the truth, but it was how I felt at the time. It had been quite a while since I'd really been spanked, there had been a few instances where my feelings were unintentionally hurt, and thats all it took. I was falling deeper and deeper into a pit of self pity and I didn't know how to express that I was feeling unloved. Things are pretty much the opposite, now. Moments like this are happening all the time:

     Yesterday while we were rolling around on the bed and playing with each other, a conversation arose that made my heart flutter. At one point he grabbed my bum and asked me how it was, to which I replied it was fine. He asked how I wanted it to be, and as any devout spanko would reply, I chirped, "Red!"
     He happily obliged me, spanking me first with his hand, then asking for .. wait for it ... his brush! HIS! My, oh my. And no, that wasn't even the heart fluttering comment, but it did make me just a little happy, even though I didn't want "his" brush anywhere near my butt. Once he'd reddened my bum to his satisfaction, he said, "It's red, just how you like it!"
     Giggling, I agreed. I do like it red.
     "You want it to be red all the time?"
     I nodded shyly, blushing. "Yes sir!" I said, barely over a whisper.
     "Every day? That's a big commitment to make.." he told me. "Do you think your butt can handle it?" 
     "UMM YES!" I said excitedly, wiggling my bum at him. Now, let me pause here to point out that this most likely is a case of my fantasy riddled mind getting way ahead of my poor little butt. In my defense, I get caught up in the idea of being spanked every day. There's just something about it, knowing there will be a moment in every day where I must physically submit to him, that I will feel his dominance and control, a time in each day that belongs to just the two of us. I love that idea. Yeah, spankings hurt, but hey .. no pain, no gain, right? We've had daily spankings in the past, and I had a serious love/hate relationship with them. I know he wasn't saying that there would be daily spankings, but thats where my mind went spinning to, and what a lovely place it is! At any rate, I'll take a spanking as often as he wants to give 'em!  (Which lately, is faaar more often than before!!)

     Last night, I had gone shopping with a friend. When I got home, I texted J who was at work and told him I missed him.
     His response : miss u! ur not texting while driving r ya?
     It kinda took my breath away. That might sound stupid to you, but J isn't the type of guy to "check up" on me. I'm not sure why, but I'm sure he just doesnt feel the need to. I sort of liked it, though. I liked that he wanted to make sure I was behaving, and following the only "rule" we really have! In the past, I have hoped for him to "check up" on other things, like when he asked me to do something specifically. I struggle with confessing if I've broken the rule or disobeyed because I am afraid he will think I'm saying it to get punished. Which is absolutely not the case. I hate disobeying and/or disappointing him. I want to please him, and it breaks my heart when he is anything but happy with me. So anyway, that was kinda neat.

     All this to say, things are amazing. I have a few posts in the works right now, I'm still trying to disentangle and organize my thoughts. Also, I'm now on twitter! @disciplinedream follow me :)