I stumbled across a vanilla blog today that has posted on DD. The author was in shock, and wrote about how she felt DD relationships were not only physically, but mentally and emotionally abusive in nature. She also stated that it seemed as if women in the DD lifestyle use it as an excuse to not hold themselves accountable, as they are now accountable to their husbands. She felt as if the submissives lacked self respect and that they are not veiwed as partners in their relationships.
I can't speak for everyone in the DD community, but I feel that I am cherished in my relationship. My husband values my perspectives and feelings and what I have to say about everything. He would never disregard my wishes or hurt me in any way. He has never acted disrepectfully to me. I don't feel that we submissives in DD lack self respect or responsibility. I don't really even know what to say because I am in shock. I felt offended that someone would make these assumptions from reading a few Christian Domestic Discipline blogs. She even acknowledged the fact that the women are willing participants, yet claimed despite this it is still abuse.
I'd like to hear your thoughts on this! I couldn't refrain from commenting and informing her that she was very misguided in her view on DD. Would you have said something or simply moved on?
On a brighter note, things are great with J and I. We talked about how I've been feeling lately and just being able to get everything off my chest has helped immensely.
I've read both, and I have to agree with the other blogger. I get that you think you are in an equal relationship, but anytime you are in a situation where one has more control (you yourself admit he has final say) its not a partnership. Its your choice to make, obviously, but I do worry about those who "choose" this lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, its an opinion. I don't think she's misguided. She simply disagrees with you, as do I.
I just saw you are pregnant. Can I ask a serious question? How much to you plan to expose your child to? Will they know about DD? Will they know about your husband having control in general? Is this something you will keep private?
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your comment. We plan to keep DD private from our child. We don't feel it's appropriate to expose him to this aspect of our life because it's our choice, not his. When it comes to our child, my husband will not have the final say. We will make decisions together, and if there is something we don't agree on, we are obviously going to have to put our personal feelings aside and make the best choice for our son. We are going to be a united front and each of us will have equal authority with our children. Thank you for asking.
ReplyDeleteI don't want you to worry. I can see that in some DD relationships, there is a possibility of abuse, as in any relationship. I suppose this kind of relationship almost lends itself to that possibility more than a "vanilla" one would, if the head of household doesn't have the integrity to hold himself to a higher standard than that he holds his wife to. He must respect his wife and her feelings. My husband would never spank me if I said, "Listen this is something I really dont want." I just want to assure you that most DD relationships are safe, sane, and healthy.
Prettyinpink~ I think this is why most of us don't tell others, because they don't understand why we want this. They just can't wrap their brain around it! It is something not everyone needs or understands and that's okay. I do think this is why it has been very hard for my hubby to spank me hard...I've really had to prove to him that I "needed" this and wanted this, and he has worked hard to provide for me.
ReplyDeleteI have two children... and we do keep this part of our life private... and it hasn't caused any trouble at all!