I am so confused. I feel like once we get things on track and I finally feel like we're headed in the direction I would like us to be, we flip right back to where we were before. I am not totally sure that Jack is cut out for the whole DD liftestyle. I do not believe that he will ever take full control, it doesnt seem like he is comfortable doing so, and not only that but he almost acts as if he's against it.
Last night, I shared a video with him that I really like. It is a Firm Hand video with Samantha who is punished for going overboard when drinking and becoming nasty and mean with her husband. I am very shy and self-conscious about my interests and desires when it comes to spanking, and it is hard for me to communicate the things that I like/want, especially when it feels like he is weirded out by it. I felt like sharing this video might give him some insight, and/or open the door for a little bit of conversation about it. Instead, a few minutes into the video (only a cpl swats in) he says, "I don't know about this, it's almost like he's beating her." Immediately I stopped the video and shut the computer down, completely deflated and feeling stupid for wanting to show him. We didn't have a conversation about this after, and I am hesitant to do so. Here's why:
1) I know that he loves me with all of his heart and he would do most anything to make me happy. I don't want to guilt him into doing things that he doesnt like or want to do.
2) I am terrified that he is going to tell me that he is done with all of this.
3) Last night, I was so hurt and embarassed by his comment that I am afraid similar statements might be uttered during the conversation, and I'm not entirely sure I could handle that.
I don't know what to do.
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