a little rambling..

    Today has been awful. I have breaking into tears for no apparent reason, and feeling deeply rejected and hurt by the smallest of things. I am not sure where this is coming from. I have also been feeling reluctant about being spanked and when Jack brings up spanking me, I balk. Yesterday was supposed to be our reminder spanking but we didn't have it because I fell asleep before he came to bed. I'm starting to feel like we should move the reminder spankings to sundays anyway, since he and his best friend tend to spend saturday nights talking and drinking together until late hours, which I usually cannot stay up for. I can't quite figure out what my problem is lately. Jack has already told me that I am getting my spanking tonight. I shook my head no, and have been bringing it up all day how I don't want to be spanked tonight. I don't think he'll let me get away with it. Part of me reeeeeaaally wants him to let me out of it, but deep down I know I would be disappointed and hurt by it if he did.