Masochist?

     

masochism  (ˈmæsəˌkɪzəm)
— n
1.	psychiatry  an abnormal condition in which pleasure, esp sexual pleasure, is derived from pain or from humiliation, domination, etc,by another person
2.	psychoanal  the directing towards oneself of any destructivetendencies
3.	Compare sadism a tendency to take pleasure from one's own suffering      That is the definition of masochism according to dictionary.com. I have wondered for some time now if I am a masochist. While I have a spanking kink, and enjoy being submissive, I get zero sexual pleasure from the pain. During a spanking I'm getting pleasure from the power exchange itself, and from knowing that I'm submitting to something that's not entirely pleasant. Afterwards, I am always wet. I like for Daddy to "hurt" me, but I don't like the pain. I like to know I'm taking the pain from him, and that he's using his power and control to "hurt/torture" me ... but the actual pain itself is not a turn on. I still squeal and screech and cry out and hope for it to end. But when it does end, I'm pleased. I love being helpless to him and being made to do things I don't really like.       I'm curious where the rest of you all stand on this. Would you say I'm a masochist? Do you feel the same as me? Differently? Would you consider yourself a masochist or maybe even a sadist?

busy times, but I'm still here!

     Wow, I've been really awful at making time for my blog lately. Sorry about that everyone! We had a slew of birthdays, then holiday plans and throw in a few other big life changes and we've been too busy to stop and think! There was a fire in our apartment building on thanksgiving and though the only damage we suffered was from our door being kicked in by the fire dept, it took our landlord a FULL MONTH to replace the door. Which ended up being an entire month that we were unable to even lock one of the doors to our apartment. We had to wedge something under it to even keep it closed. Our landlady was fined for a few things in the building that were not up to code and she didn't fix those either so we finally decided enough was enough and moved out. We are staying with Daddy's parents temporarily until we find a place that is a good fit for us. In the meantime we will be able to save up some money as well. Although we had looked at a few places, we both felt like none of them were exactly what we wanted and we decided not to rush into another place and wait to find the right one. Which is extra important now that we are expecting another little one! I'm only about 12 and a half weeks along right now so we figured take our time and find somewhere that we can see ourselves living for at least the next few years. 

     Given all that we've been going through and doing the past couple months, I was always fearful that ttwd was going to fall to the back burner as it has in the past. It didn't, though. We had some patches where it wasn't in the forefront of either of our minds (all day morning sickness, anyone?? Talk about not being in the mood...) but we have managed to keep things running rather smoothly. 

     I haven't had much time to read blogs lately, so it will probably take me some time to catch up on everything that's been going on! Hope everyone's holidays went well! 

I'm a creep, I'm a weirdoooo *humming radiohead as I type*

     I cant believe I'm actually writing this, but for some odd reason I feel the need to defend myself. I know that have written about this before, but there are apparently some new readers here who are a bit confused. 
     First of all, my Daddy is not my father. I am not sexually attracted to my father, and I absolutely do not think of him when we are having sex. Likewise, Daddy is not attracted to children, nor does he pretend I am one. That is not what Daddy/little is all about. 

     Listen, I can understand why at first, this might seem a little odd. Hell, before I realized this dynamic was exactly what I needed, I was completely turned off by the thought of a woman calling her husband/boyfriend/lover Daddy. However, even while I "knew" it wasn't for me, I understood that for some people, it fit just right. I guess maybe because I've always craved spanking and discipline, and I knew/know that it isn't exactly socially acceptable, I sympathize with all kinksters. I understand what it's like to honestly, deeply need something and not understand that need, and sometimes even wish I didn't have the need at all. I ask that you consider the same things when you read one, or maybe several of my posts, and then come to the conclusion that my relationship is creepy.     

     Daddy is my husband. He loves me more than anything else in the whole world, and would do anything to protect me. He reads me stories before we go to bed. He tells me every day that he loves me, and never leaves our home without kissing me goodbye. He washes my hair when we shower together. He takes care of me when I'm sick and makes me laugh when I'm sad. He plays with me, and when I've done something wrong, he disciplines me. He nurtures my inner child (you've got one too, dig deep!) and makes me feel safe. He colors princess pages from my coloring book with me and doesn't think it's weird that I still sleep with a stuffed animal. He is my best friend, my Dominant, my confidant, my lover. He accepts me for exactly who I am, and strives to help me be the best me that I can be. He is my anchor. 

     If you think that's creepy then you probably shouldn't be reading here.

settled.

     I'm beginning to look at ttwd as a rollercoaster. There are ups, when things are going very well, when there are spankings and lots of sex and dominance. Then there are downs, or dips, when things aren't as smooth, the spankings dwindle and things are put on the back burner. You go up and down and round and round but the important thing to remember when you're in a dip is that you'll be going back up soon! (Much easier to remember when you're actually up instead of down, but I'm getting there!) 

   

   Daddy has been sick the past month or so with a cold and was diagnosed with a sinus infection last week, so things have definitely been up and down for us a lot in the recent weeks. When he isn't feeling well, he tends to be much mellower and lets little things slide. Which of course, is totally reasonable, and a good little girl would have been on her best  behavior to make things easier for him. 

     I tried to be, I really did. Sometimes, when I don't feel his dominance, I start getting insecure and I push the boundaries, looking for that solid rock wall. When the boundaries aren't as solid as I'd hoped or expected, I start getting a little bratty attitude like 'if I could do that with no consequence, maybe I can do this!' and then I feel satisfied for a bit with what I've gotten away with. I don't feel satisfied for long, though. It becomes frustrating and nerve-wracking and I act out subconsciously to make sure that everything is still the same and he's still in charge. Silly, I know, but I don't see that when it's all happening. 

     He decided to a put a stop to that, and when I hesitated to do something he told me to do, he  threatened, "Don't make me bring you into the room."

     Which made me giggle, because I wasn't at all convinced he was going to follow through. 

     Except he did. He grabbed me by the wrist and led me to the bedroom, where he bent me over the bed and started smacking my bottom. He made me spread my legs and he smacked my most sensitive area. 

     You can bet I had no doubts about whether or not he still held the position of power! Now, I wish I could tell you that I behaved myself from that point out, but there was a slight incident during my saturday spanking. 

      Daddy spanks me most saturdays, and this past saturday was no different. He had me lay on the bed and went to the implement drawer, pulled out the rubber flogger, and started to close the drawer.

      I kinda sorta rolled my eyes just a LITTLE because he's been stuck on that darn flogger and has used it for the last bajillion of my spankings. 

     He brought it whistling down on my backside, demanding to know what the eye roll was for. "What, because I'm using this again?" 

     "Well, it hurts!" I complained, wriggling around as it danced on my cheeks. 

     The blows ceased and he returned to the drawer, taking out the black strap this time. He sat beside me on the bed and strapped my backside. He did not allow me to move around too much and as soon as my free arm snaked back to protect myself, he grabbed my wrist and pinned it to the bed. 

     I was wiggling and crying out and feeling quite sorry for myself, honestly. I had forgotten how much the strap hurt! Daddy has even given me a few swats here and there with his belt, but it was nothing compared to this.

     Finally, he got up and put the strap back in the drawer and I breathed a great big sigh of relief, only to realize he was far from done. He picked up the flogger again and whipped me for a few more minutes, explaining to me how nice he was actually being by using the flogger all the time, instead of other things. He didn't stop there, though, oh no ... he picked up the small hairbrush off the dresser and started paddling me with that. 

     My hand flew back and I told him that it really hurt. I mustered my sweetest, poutiest face possible and lifted it to look at him. 

     He leaned close to me and said, "You need this. You're not done yet." He spanked me for several more minutes, stopping only after the tears were falling and my bottom was bright red and very sore. He held me and kissed me, and asked if I felt better. 

     One of my very favorite things about the DaddyDom/babygirl dynamic is the duality of sweetness/innocence and the darkness of it all. The next night, Daddy asked me to shower with him and I happily obliged. He soaped me up and washed my body before shampooing my hair for me. He pressed me against the wall and spanked my wet bottom, quickly rekindling the fiery sting from the previous evening. He got my towel for me and wrapped me in it, and when we got back to the bedroom he made rough, passionate love to me. Afterwards, he held me in his arms and cuddled me a bit before reading  me a bedtime story and kissing my nose before I fell asleep. It was so perfectly wonderful and magical and everything lovely. I think it's the amazing acts of love and tenderness like these that allow the moments of pain and loss of control to be so rewarding, pleasing, even. 

LETS. TALK. ORGASMS.

     Okay, here's the deal. Even though Daddy was/is my third sexual partner, he was the first to bring me to orgasm. I had barely any real sexual experience, being that my previous partners were all wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type things. I have since learned that I can most easily climax through clitoral stimulation, and thats where most of my orgasms come from these days, whether it be at Daddy's hand (or tongue!) or mine. I never came from penetration alone, and gspot stimulation was sort of uncomfortable. 

     Then one day, Daddy brought me into our bedroom, and made me get on my hands and knees on the bed. He spanked me until my entire bottom was red and stinging, and then he took me from behind. He pounded me hard, grasping my hips tightly for leverage. His hands were everywhere, slapping my ass, pulling my hair, tightening around my throat ... I couldn't get enough. The one thing he didn't do this time was touch my clit, and I'll be damned if I didn't come THREE FRICKING TIMES! 

     The orgasms, however, were not like the ones I was used to experiencing. My body shuddered and I felt a little bit of liquid coming out (so I'm guessing I squirted?). Normally my legs will shake some but not my entire body! 

     He didn't stop there, though, he kept going. He used me until he was satisfied and when he was finished, my ass was stinging, my scalp was tingling and my legs were burning from keeping the same position for so long. When he pulled out, I literally collapsed onto the bed, and burst into tears! 

     My body shuddered a little again and I just cried into the mattress, unable to stop the tears and not really sure where they came from! 

     Daddy rushed back over to me and scooped me up, cradling me in his arms. He comforted me until the tears subsided and I was able to regain my composure. I assured him that nothing was wrong, and explained that I wasn't upset, that I just couldn't stop myself from crying! 

     He didn't say another word about it but of course I couldn't stop thinking about it. 

     I felt like some kind of weirdo, I mean, who cries after really amazing sex?! I hopped online and began browsing my favorite sex community to see if I could find any information. Luckily, I did come across an article called Orgasms: You're Not a Freak, and it talks about how different people experience orgasms differently, and it's completely natural. It eased a lot of my worry and when I talked to Daddy, he promised me that he didn't think I was weird or anything. 

     I thought that sharing this and talking about it may help others realize that their own orgasms are normal and there's no "right" way to have an orgasm.  

     It's been about a month since this happened and I have neither squirted or cried since so I'm not sure if they were one time occurrences, or just a rarity but I'm glad I was able to experience both. Now if they happen again, I wont be caught off guard or embarrassed like I was this time! 

     

Tell me about your orgasms, ladies! Have any of you experienced a tearful orgasm? What about one that has you rolling with giggles? Let's forget being embarrassed about our bodies and how they experience pleasure and just be proud of them!

jump start

     We were in the bedroom, me on the bed, and him standing in front of our hutch. The baby was asleep, and I knew we had at least an hour to ourselves. I gave him a mischievous smile and pulled the front of my tank top down to expose my breasts to Daddy.
     A devilish grin came across his own face as he told me to stay put and made his way over to the dresser, where all of our implements live in the top drawer. He opened it and pulled out the riding crop, then gave me a few light taps to the nipple, drawing a couple squeals from me. "Alright roll over," he gestured, and I did as told. He yanked my sweatpants down and (kindly) rearranged my panties before beginning to whack me with the small strip of leather. He alternated between quick, crisp swats that showered down on top of each other and slower, more deliberate *and stingy!* ones. He made sure to pay special attention to the very lowest part of my bottom, and since he's not one to leave anyone out, included my thighs. Hmph. Next thing I know, I hear that dang drawer opening again and when I look up, he's holding the black strap.
     I haven't been strapped in some time, and gosh did I forget how much it hurts!!
     He laid that leather down like nobodys business and it was all I could do to maintain my position.
     I squeezed Oakley so tight I thought his stuffing might come flying out. After a particularly ouchy thigh stroke, I put my hand back to cover my bottom.
     Daddy leaned down close to my face, as he brushed my hand away from my butt. He smoothed my hair back and kissed my temple. "It's okay, baby." he whispered, running his hands gently over my burning backside. He patted my head for another moment, speaking to me softly, before picking up the strap again. He gave me a few more strokes for good measure and switched back to the crop. Another flurry of crisp swats land one after the other on my bottom, but this time it didn't feel so bad. In fact, it felt pretty damn good.
     The feeling of pleasure was growing and my hips started to move by themselves, pushing my bottom up higher, presenting Daddy with a more clear target. I could feel myself beginning to float, aware of the swats raining down on my already hot bum, but not feeling any of the bite.
     Next Daddy took out the five fingered tawse, and the pleasure ebbed and the sting returned. He covered my whole bottom, and started back in on the tops of my legs.
     I tried my hardest to stay in place, but it was so hard! I'd have to say thats my biggest struggle, keeping still when I'm getting whooped! This time, though, when my legs came up and my ankles crossed protectively above my bottom, he grabbed my hair and pulled my head back.
     He lowered himself beside my ear and said, "Put your legs down." I did. For good measure, I arched my back a little more and pushed my bottom out, hoping to erase the defiance I'd implied by blocking myself-again. "Good girl," he purred softly. His hands roamed over my swollen nether regions, squeezing every now and then, seeming to relish in my moans and groans. "You're going to feel this when you sit down later," he told me menacingly, beginning to strap me again with the tawse. He left no territory untouched.
     I kept my eyes squeezed shut, face pressed into Oakley until I heard him opening the drawer again and I looked up, panicked he might bring something else out.
     But he didn't. He tucked the straps and crop away, and laid beside me on the bed. He rubbed my bottom for me, commenting on how red it was. "You know what a red butts good for," he joked.
     I giggled, glancing up at him in time to catch a kiss.
     "Get your clothes off," he ordered, getting up and beginning to shed his own.
     Some orders aren't easy to follow, folks. This was not one of them. I jumped up and stripped, standing before him, already breathing hard from the spanking I'd just taken.
     His big, calloused hands roamed my body, squeezing, pinching, caressing. He grabbed me by the shoulders and propelled me to the end of the bed, bending me over. He took me slow and sensuous, first, savoring each sensation. Just the feeling of our skin against each others was driving me wild. Then his intensity picked up, as he drove into me harder, faster, with more urgency. His hands were around my throat, tangled in my hair, slapping my sore ass. It was complete bliss. I'd be willing to bet it was just as good for him, and when he was near his climax he pulled out, marking me with his desire.
     We showered together afterward and were both amazed to see how red my bottom still was, after nearly an hour later. I don't know about any of you, but I cant think of a better way to jump start your week after a long weekend!

#kinkygirlproblems

     The other day, my friend Riley from Vanilla Extract were talking about a ttwd situation and she texted me #thisiswhathappenstopplwhoareboredatwork. It occurred to me that this situation definitely doesn't happen to just anyone bored at work, so I responded with, #thisiswhathappenstokinkypeoplewhoareboredatwork. This led to us coming up with a bunch more of these silly little hashtag phrases. Riley posted the original list (with some input from Cael) the other day over at her blog. Here's a recap, if you didn't catch it over there:

• when you wake up in the AM and wish you had bruises #kinkypeopleproblems
• when you cant pass the cooking aisle without checking out the wooden spoons and spatulas #kinkypeopleproblems
• when he asks you if it hurts and if you want him to stop and your answer is yes it does and no please dont stop #kinkygirlprobs
• when you get spanked for being a good girl #kinkygirlprobs
• when your family talks about how "pornographic" and "dark" 50 shades is and you try not to giggle #kinkygirlprobs
• when your girl insists on 50 shades of grey but you know that would be like giving Jagger guitar lessons #kinkypeopleproblems
• when you get turned on during any tv scene of a girl being tied up #kinkygirlprobs
• when you have to worry about getting smacked in public #ttwdproblems
• running out of baby lotion #spankedgirlproblems
• wearing a bathing suit #spankogirlproblems
• when the chairs at restaurants dont include pillows #spankogirlproblems
• when there are no free corners in the room #caelproblems
• when your teddy bear didn't get in trouble but you did #rileyproblems 

     She asked for reader input, and here are the ideas everyone else came up with!

• when the wind blows your skirt up and you aren't wearing panties #subproblems
• when your son walks in while you are kneeling in front of your husband #thishappenedtome
• when people ask how your vacation went and you cant tell them the real story #spankedoutsideforthefirsttime
• your kid asks "what were you guys clapping about upstairs?" #kinkypeopleproblems
• your friends comment that the two of you still act like a couple of teenagers and/or tell you to get a room #kinkypeopleproblems
• in a dressing room with a friend wearing thong panties and the friend asks, "how come your butt is so red?" #spankedgirlproblems
• when your hand starts to hurt, but all you can hear is "please dont stop Daddy!" #caelproblems
• when you think your boyfriend claims you have no paddling (and you get annoyed because you DO!), when really he said, padding. #spankogirlproblems
• when she complains about how much your paddlings hurt, then whines when she hasn't gotten one in a while #caelproblems
• when your friends ask if thats a dog collar, and all you can say is "Noooooo..." #slavegirlproblems

So, thats what we've got so far! If anybody has any more ideas, please share!! We'll be making separate pages eventually for the entire list so people can refer back to them for a smile or laugh :)