Finally

Yes. It finally happened.

There is a new post at Spanko Stories :)

Yes. You should check it out.

Settled

Do you know why you're gettng this?

Yes sir.

I want you to tell me why.

Because I didn't listen!

When?

When you told me to come back.

[after a minute or two of leather meeting flesh]

Is it going to happen again?

No, sir!

[another minute of strap/butt bonding time]

You fell asleep last night, or it would have happened then. I almost woke you up, because you rolled over and your bum was sticking up, but I wanted you to rest.

I was too busy groaning and crying out to give a response, but I appreciated him thinking to let me get my rest. I haven't been getting much lately. I would have been okay with him waking me up, too.

He ramped it up a little, strapping me just a bit harder, a tad faster. His free hand was next to me on the bed, and he let me squeeze it while he spanked.

Are you going to listen?

Yes sir.

Okay, then. You're done. Come here.

He held me for a while, and then made love to me.

All is right again :)

Waiting ...

      Last night, he was sitting in front of his desk, getting ready to work on a painting that he started a few days ago for the baby's room. He asked me to get him a couple paper plates to put paint on, and a beer.
     I got up from the bed and sighed dramatically (jokingly) as I walked toward the door to get the things he wanted.
     "Baby, wait. Come back here and give me a kiss first," he said.
     I was about two steps from the door, so I turned and gave him a playful smile, but didn't stop or go back to him.
     "Babe .. I demand you come back here," I heard as I was walking out the door. I didn't think anything of it, really, until I walked back into the room with the plates and beer.
     The look on his face said it all.
     I walked over and gave him both the items he'd requested, then backed away and sat on the bed, giving him my cutest smile. I hoped that would be enough to cheer him up.
     "Come over here," he said.
     Moving very slowly, I made my way to him, my heart sinking deeper and deeper with each step.
     When I was close enough, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me beside him.
     "Why didn't you come back when I asked?" he wanted to know.
     All of a sudden, I couldn't look at him. I couldn't come up with an answer, either. Finally I blurted, "I was getting your stuff..."
      He shook his head. "No. I demanded you come back, and you didnt."
     I sank to my knees, burying my face in his lap. "I'm sorry," I whispered. 
     He smoothed my hair back with his calloused hand. "When I said please come back the first time, that should have been enough." he told me, his voice firm, but loving.
     "Yes sir,"
     Before this happened, he had assigned me something naughty to do while he was painting. He still allowed me to do that, but told me that once he was finished for the night I would be spanked, because I should have listened the first time.
      I nodded soberly. "Yes sir." I replied softly.
      He kissed me, and that was that. He started to paint, and I was allowed to do my naughty task. Every now and then he would stop painting and look over at me, doing just what he told me to, and give me another instruction.
      Unfortunately, the batteries died in the toy I was using (FIGURES .. and we had NO backups lol) so I didn't get to complete his assignment, but it was still nice. I crawled under the covers and laid there until he climbed into bed with me.
      He pulled me into his arms, wrapping them tightly around me. He said nothing about my punishment or the incident itself, and fell asleep holding me.
      I wasn't sure how to feel. On the one hand, I wasn't looking forward to being punished. I didn't want to find out what evil implement he planned on using to teach me my lesson, I didn't want it to hurt. As I fell asleep last night, I was really okay with him forgetting. This morning was a whole different story. As more time passed after waking up without him mentioning it at all, it started to eat at me. Did he forget? Am I still getting spanked? Obviously, it didn't matter to him after all because he didn't remember. I felt confused and sort of irritated with myself, too. I didn't want it to be such a big deal to me that he'd forgotten to discipline me. I felt all out of sorts and of course, when he asked me what was wrong, I couldn't figure out how to tell him. Talk about frustrating! Eventually, once I was at work and looking at things from a different point of view, I texted him and just said ...you forgot something last night... he replied with an apology, but nothing further, and I went right back to wondering if I still had a punishment coming or if he'd decided not to do it at all.  So, I asked.

     

      So, there 'ya have it, folks. I'm gettin spanked. Even though I'm relieved that it's going to be taken care of and put behind us, I hate waiting. *sigh*

Versatile Blogger Award

     Recently, I have seen many posts about the versatile blogger award .. and I have been nominated, twice. I am so thankful that people read and enjoy my blog. I have learned soo much since starting my blog and made lasting friendships, and hopefully have helped others, too. Thank you to Composing Us and Lil One, who both nominated me for one!

Rules:

1. thank the award giver and link back to them in your post.
2. share 7 things about yourself.
3. pass this award on to 15 blogs you enjoy reading.
4. contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.

7 Things About me:

1. I am very shy, and worry way too much what people think about me.
2. I am 5'4.
3. I love driving alone in my car with the music blasting, it's really relaxing to me. I would prefer that over a bubble bath and candles any day.
4. I have always had a "thing" for older men ... and married one 8 years older than me.
5. I got in-school suspension in third grade for bringing handcuffs to school/out to recess. They were metal and came in a policeman dress up set...I think I got it at walmart. Administration told me they were a weapon and suspended me.
6. I'm an extremely picky eater. Textures are my main issue. When I was little, I would throw up all the time because my parents would make me eat things I didn't like/couldn't tolerate. Things like cream of wheat, rice pudding, and tomatoes are just a few things that make me want to hurl when I take a bite.
7. I sucked my thumb constantly until I was in fifth grade, when people started making fun of me for it. Then I only did it when I was at home or with trusted friends and certain people in my family (because my parents, especially my dad, would punish me and put me down for it). I remember feeling like I needed to do it. But I knew I shouldn't, and eventually I was able to stop myself from doing it unless I was alone, going to sleep. Once in a while when I'm really stressed or emotional, I wake up and find myself sucking my thumb. Don't judge me!  :p

     I'm not going to do the nominations for a few reasons. One of them is that I don't like the idea that there could be blogs who haven't been nominated. I don't want anyone to feel left out. If you want to know which blogs I enjoy, look at my blog roll :)


Thank you again Composing Us and Lil One!!

Birthday Swats

     I always thought that the birthday person was the one who is supposed to receive the birthday swats...turns out, that's not true in our house!
    
     Earlier in the morning, I was given a brief but effective hand spanking and strapping. I haven't been spanked in a while, and it hurt more than usual. I tried hard to submit, and lie still and take it. I was a little surprised that he'd taken it upon himself to spank me. I hadn't done anything wrong, but he decided I needed it and he was right. It made me swoon just a little.
     About an hour later I complained about the bedroom being cold, and he said that my bottom must have cooled down from the spanking. I giggled and agreed.
     "Don't worry, I'll fix that. You'll be getting numerous birthday spankings today..."
     My bottom lip stuck out in an exaggerated pout. "But it's not even my birthday!"
     He gave me the look.
     You know the one. The look that makes your heart pound, and your tummy fill with butterflies. The one that makes you feel little and shy.
     "They're not for you." he told me firmly.
     OH my. I felt so small in the best of ways. I nodded and hung my head in an attempt to hide my blushing cheeks. I've gotten his 31 spanks, and many more throughout the day. This is the best un-birthday ever!



Happy birthday to my adoring husband, who goes out of his way every day to make me smile. You make me happier than I ever imagined I could be. Thank you for being you, and letting me be me :)

LOL

LOVE OUR LURKERS

-To everyone who takes the time to read my blog, I would like to sincerely thank you. I lurked around blogs about ttwd for a few months before getting up the courage to comment on others' blogs, and then create my own. I know first hand how intimidating it can be to say something because everyone seems so tight knit and close. I ALSO know first hand that everyone is incredibly welcoming, helpful and patient with questions (even the ones that seem stupid to you). It doesn't matter if you are "experienced" or familiar with ttwd at all, I encourage you to (always respectfully, of course) say hello and join the conversation :)

Back On Solid Ground

     A few weeks ago, I told J in an email that I would like if he gave me one task a day that absolutely HAD to be completed by the time he got home from work unless I'd received permission from him not to. I explained that this would help me feel his control and there would be a time in each day when I would be required to submit to him even if he wasn't physically with me at the time. He agreed to do this. I told him that inevitably, I would screw up and that I want/need him to hold me accountable. He agreed to do this as well.
     He has kept his word. We have a white board that is like a weekly memo board...monday thru friday, he writes taks each day for me to complete. He has followed through with holding me accountable for it as well. He disciplined me about a week and a half ago for it...as far as punishments go, it wasn't terrible, but he did make sure to make it something I would not enjoy. He made me get on my hands and knees, which I hate ... and he used the five fingered strap. Ugh.
     I did pretty well since then with completing my tasks up until yesterday. If you read yesterday's post, you know where I was at mentally yesterday. If you didnt, I will tell you that it wasn't a good place to be. When I went into the bedroom a few hours after I'd gotten home from work and saw that he'd written two tasks in the space for Wednesday, I didn't even think before deciding boldly that I wasn't going to do them. He didn't care about them anyway, right? yeah. I told you ... not a good place. I immediately put the tasks out of my mind for the rest of the night.
     He didn't say anything about it when he got home. He also didn't mention either incident from earlier in the day, so I just figured he was letting it all slide. He showered, and we watched a little tv and talked for a while about our days.
     Finally, it was time for bed. I sat down on the end of our bed and watched J as he moved about the room.
     He paused, and looked at me. "Did you see your list?" he asked.
     "Yeah."
     "Did you do any of them?"
     Suddenly, I wasn't so confident in my decision to ignore the tasks. Why had I done that again? Shit shit shit. "Ummm....no,"
     He didn't look surprised. In fact, his face didn't give away much at all. "Humm. I didn't think so." He continued preparing for bed, and I laid down, pulling the covers up to my chin. He eventually sat on the end of the bed, holding the white board and marker. He started to write, then lifted his head again. "Is it 'ie' in receive or 'ei'?" he asked.
     Shit..what is he writing over there? "Umm...'i' before 'e' except after 'c' ..." I recited.
     He finished whatever he was writing, and handed me the white board.
     I quickly scanned over the scrawled note he'd added beneath what he'd assigned so far for the week. Because you didn't do it, you will receive 250 (yep...even to a spanko like me, that sounded like a lot! gulp...) on each butt cheek with...get up and go to the drawer. This is something he's been doing recently, too.
     He'll send me to the drawer, and have me open it. Then, sitting on the bed where he cant see the contents of the drawer, he'll instruct me where to put my hand, and when and what to pick up. For instance he'll say, "put your hand in the middle of the drawer, now to the left, a little more...move the first thing under your hand and pick up whatever's beneath it." Most often he will use this implement, but sometimes he will decide to use something else. Sometimes he will make me do it again to choose a second implement.
     Before I could move, he ordered, "Read it out loud."
     WHAT?! My heart started pounding. "I cant," I said, flushing with embarassment. I couldn't read that aloud! He had never ever done anything like this before, where had this come from?!
     "Read it." he repeated.
     I opened my mouth, but couldn't make anything come out. "Sir," I whined. "I cant..."
     "Do it."
     I started reading it, my face half covered by my blanket in an effort to protect my pride. My face burned with embarassment.
     "I can't hear you. Speak up,"
     I whimpered, losing the sliver of confidence I'd gathered to speak. It took another minute or so before I could muster another gust of courage to read it aloud. God, it was sooo embarassing, but once it was out, I felt ... good. I felt more like me, more submissive already. For me, reading that aloud was a big step toward surrender.
     This time he was satisfied and he sent me to the drawer. He instructed me to put my hand in and tell him what the first thing I touched was. It was the picture paddle. He asked what was below that. The ping pong paddle. He decided he didn't want either of those and requested that I bring him the black strap.
     I brought it to him obediently, though I was dreading what would happen once I got there.
     He told me to look at the white board, and read the rest of what he'd written out loud.

     Despite my impending doom, my face broke into a huge smile when I read what he wrote. "Somehow I knew this was going to happen. I LOVE YOU BABYGIRL."
     (Yes, thats a picture of the task board. At the beginning of the week, he drew all of the faces you see, starting with tuesday since we had monday off work.) He says that he predicted this, and the pictures prove it! The first was a smile around tuesday because he knew I would do those. Wednesday had it's tongue sticking out because he knew I wasn't going to do those. The next face is him learning I didn't do them, and the next is me facing the music. Funny, huh? Yeah, I didnt think so either ;)
     I asked if I could go to the bathroom before my spanking.
     "Well, I'd prefer you not do it at the same time I'm spanking you, so yes, you can go to the bathroom."
     That made me laugh, too. I walked toward the bathroom, and he came out of the bedroom to get something from the kitchen. I turned around and he held his arms out, and I just melted into them. I pressed my head against his strong chest, adoring the feel of his big arms around me.
     He bent his head and kissed me. "I love you," he whispered.
     "I love you too, sir."

      When I came back from the bathroom, he was sitting on the end of the bed, strap in hand. shoot, it doesnt look like he plans to give me a warm up before! I placed myself willingly over his knee, and as I did, I caught sight of my stuffed animal. "Wait!" I cried. "Can I get Stitch?" I asked quietly.
      "Why are you asking me now, that you're already over my knee? Why didnt you ask before?" he wanted to know. Maybe he thought I was stalling?
     "I don't knooow! I didn't think of it til now .. please."
     He smacked me a couple times with the strap then said, "Okay .. go get him."
     I scrambled off his lap and scooped my little blue stuffed alien up off the floor, then slowly crawled back over his knees. I hugged him tight and waited.
     He informed me that we would be starting with fifty on each.
     In case I'd forgotten that I hadn't been spanked in a while...I was sharply reminded. I was surprised by how much it hurt. I really tried hard to be still and just take it, but I simply couldn't. I squirmed and kicked my feet, but if I moved too far from where J wanted me, he firmly guided me back. After the first 50 on each, I was ready to be done. Upon realizing I still had a total of 400 strokes left, I wondered if and how I'd make it through. I knew that he wouldn't push me past what I could handle, and that was comforting.
     He gave me a short break, running his hands over my stinging bottom. He delivered the next set of 50 in the same manner he'd delivered the first, crisp and fast. When my hand flew back to protect my bum, he grabbed it and held it with his free hand. After he finished both sides, he commented that my skin looked dry and told me to get the lotion.
     Shit shit shit. Lotion is going to make that stupid strap hurt sooo much more! I swallowed the urge to complain. I knew his intent was not to make it hurt more but to protect my skin, to protect me. I got the lotion and handed it to him without a word.
     He helped me across his lap, then pulled my panties up in the crease of my bum so he could rub the lotion onto my cheeks. When he'd finished, he fixed my underwear and helped me back up to put the lotion back.
     I rose and put it away then returned to him dutifully. I sank to my knees in front of him and wrapped my arms around his waist instead of going over his lap.
     He held me for a moment, and kissed my forehead. "You're okay, baby." he whispered, stroking my hair.
     Nodding my agreement, I laid myself back over his knees.
     He finished the spanking with another set of 50 on each, a short break, and then the last set of 100 on each. He let me stay over his lap and catch my breath before helping me up and handing me the strap to put away.
     We laid down together and he held me close to his body. We talked softly.
     After a while, I reached back to feel my bum and whimpered. "Ouch,"
     "What's the matter?" he asked.
     "It's sore," I whined.
     "I guess now's not a good time to tell you that you need to get up and get the paddle so we can settle up for you acting fresh when you left my work today," he told me.
      I laughed. NO, seriously, I thought he was kidding. Until he didn't say anything, just stared at me. "Wait...really?" I asked.
     "Yes, really."
     I still didn't believe it. "Oh my God you're serious?"
     "Yes. Weren't you a bum this afternoon?"
     I nodded. "Yeah," I answered softly.
     "K. Go get the paddle."


the evil black strap and the picture paddle



     I pouted my whole way over. I didn't want to get paddled! My butt still hurt! I retreived it and brought it back to him.

     He had me lay on my tummy over a pillow.

     We talked a little before hand, and he told me that I was being spanked not just because I was sassy when I left his work, but because I doubted that he would follow through with the spanking he'd said he was going to give. That's why you're getting paddled now and then you'll get your goodnight spanking afterward, just like I told you you would get. The paddling consisted of no more than a dozen swats, but they weren't love taps!

     We werent more than a few whacks in before I started to cry. He finished up and then pulled me back into his arms, whispering that he loved me.

    

     While a punishment is not what I was looking for, in a way it was. I had given up, in a sense, and I needed him to show me that he wasn't going to let that happen. I love knowing that he is there to hold me accountable and expect better of me. Some people might think it was mean or harsh of him to paddle me after I'd been strapped like that, but I'm glad he did ... I needed the release. I did wonder why it was separate from the other punishment, and he didn't mention it at all before, but maybe he realized that I hadn't completely let go during the strapping, hadnt cried ... and so decided to administer the paddling? Or maybe he had been thinking about it and realized that he should do something about the way I'd behaved. I don't know. Either way, I'm glad his mind works the way it does.

     It feels good to be back on solid ground with each other again. This weekend, we are going to the Patriots vs Giants game and J's mom is going to watch the baby. I'm so excited to tailgate and drink beer and spend the day with my love :)

     Happy Weekend, everyone!