Taken Care of

   It's odd, how despite the dread I feel when I know I'm going to be punished, the relief and security I feel alongside it. I knew that I screwed up, which was the main reason I confessed to J about not sending the forms in. I could have just sent them yesterday without bringing it up, and if he ever asked if I sent them, I could have easily (and honestly) said yes. However, I also knew that I should have sent them probably last week, and I had made petty excuses about why I hadn't been able to fill them out and send them sooner. I deserved to be punished, because I hadn't taken his reminders to get it taken care of seriously. When I asked him to take control, and be the leader in our relationship, that meant that I was supposed to listen when he told me to do things, and I hadn't.

   After we'd had something to eat, sat together, and talked for a while, J asked me to get up and get him the cards. I did, and he fanned them out in front of his face, then held them out for me to choose one. I didn't take as much time this time as I usually do, and just plucked one of out of the group. Flipping it around, I read it. He asked what it said, and I handed it to him. He scoffed. "What the hell is this?!" he asked. "This is a wimpy one,"
   I shook my head. "You're the one who approved all the cards I wrote!" I cried defensively.
"I think you're getting off easily," he shook his head. "Go get the tools."

   I  got up, and went back to the drawer. I got the designated implements, and brought them to J, setting them on the bed beside him.
   Saying nothing, he nodded at the loveseat and I got into position, lowering my shorts.
   The cane hurt more than I expected it to. The strokes came fast and sharp, and I was trying to wiggle away before I knew what was happening. It was hard to control myself and I grasped at the couch to keep from putting my hands back. They wandered once or twice but I pulled them back in front of me just as quickly as they'd gone back. When he finished with the cane, I asked if I could hold on to my stuffed animal. (Yes, I still sleep with a stuffed animal, and sometimes during spankings I hold him so I'm not as tempted to put my hands back.) He graciously handed the stuffed animal to me. I have such a sweet hubby. The strap was terrible. It stung so bad and it was so hard for me to keep still and in position. It felt like it was falling on the same spot over and over, burning my skin. My right hand found a mind of it's own and flew back to protect my right cheek from the attacking strap. I heard J warn me to move my hand but I couldn't find the power to move it. Until the strap landed on my palm and suddenly, it wanted nothing but to be in front of me again.
   He delivered the rest of the strapping quickly and firmly.
   I was sobbing by the time it was over. I'd almost forgotten that the holey paddle was going to finish it off until it landed across the bottom of both my blazing cheeks. Thankfully there were only 15 total of those, and it was over soon enough. I cried into the back of the couch while J put the implements and the card back in the drawer. Then I felt him rubbing cream on my hot skin.
   He told me I could pull up my pants, and after I did, he pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. He asked if I was okay.
   I was. I stayed in his arms while I cried, until I calmed down and my breathing had returned to almost normal. When I went to the bathroom, I peeked at my bum in the mirror and it was an angry red. Redder than I've seen it in a while. It was hot and tender to the touch. Coming back to our room, I climbed onto the bed and cuddled into J's arms.
   We talked about the spanking. I told him I hadn't expected it to hurt so bad, and he agreed that he hadn't thought I'd react that way either.

   Even though sometimes it's embarassing for me, and I always feel a little ashamed, it feels good to talk about punishments and all other kinds of spankings after they happen. I believe it helps me to be more open about my needs. It makes me feel connected to my husband, even more so than the spanking does.